Love your enemies

Yes, I do confess that I can’t love my enemies, I am often snide and impudent. But sometimes the grace of God makes me remember my sins, but not too often, as I chase away the love of God through my pride.

I used to be on a messaging software called qq. It is a Chinese messaging software. In group chat, usually when someone insulted me, I’d say ‘God bless you,’ after Jesus’s commandment to ‘bless those that curse you,’ in His sermon on the mount. But one guy kept saying that I didn’t need to take anti-psychotics, so I got annoyed with that.

We must talk about the gift of forgiveness. God forgives each and every one of us, whether we want it or not. But usually, people won’t forgive each other. I tell a lady that I asked her pastor if she could get a job as a leader in her church and she says that I just wanted to be nosey! I implored her forgiveness, because usually, I rebuke her, but I was trying to be humble, to help me get through the 20th aerial toll house (the toll house of unmercifulness).

A lot of people won’t forgive me, even for just being a schizophrenic on a pension. They interpret it as something unclean. Usually men and women from my old high school would conversation wall me on Facebook. That’s why I no longer have Facebook, because of the profound lack of respect I get from other people.

But loving enemies will give you some relief in the next life. It may take you out of the lake of fire! People can’t even love their family members, yet Jesus is expecting us to love our enemies! I pray God may have mercy on me, to at least love my family, friends, and if at all possible, those that irritate me. Lord have mercy.

The day I walked away

1 Samuel 16:14: ‘And the spirit of the Lord left Saul, and was replaced by an unclean spirit.’ This verse very much resonates in my life, and the life in so many mentally ill Christians who feel abandoned by God. But the reality is, Saul walked away from God, God did not walk away from Saul.

As I walked away from God in 2006, I remember me becoming the habitation of demonic spirits and unclean passions that have gnawed at my soul until this day. As I get more self-actualized, I realise it wasn’t God who walked away from me. I walked away from God.

We don’t have to be apologetic or look at scripture verses to see whether we are going to hell or not. Just ask yourself the question ‘do I bear hatred or resentment towards anybody in my life?’ If the answer is ‘yes’, you will certainly be in hell in the next life. As I have failed to forgive, so God will not forgive me. This is the fire that never is quenched, and the worm that does not sleep. God help me.