The departure of love

God is love, so the departure of love can mean the departure of the holy spirit, where God leaves me a cold, lifeless man.

I felt broken when I came down with mental health issues. I felt broken when the holy spirit left me, as He left Saul, first king of Israel. I felt all alone in my depression, yet people tried to reach out to me, but all I could receive from them were auditory hallucinations.

It’s a cold, lonely life. There isn’t much purpose for anybody, except the holiest of Saints in the Catholic and Orthodox churches.

Sure wish I had purpose.

It is 3 days since my depot injection. I might of had at least 60 or more depots since 2017. I had a few depots of anti-psychotic from 2012 to 2015 I think.

It’s been a long road. The path to recovery is not there. There is no perfect recovery from schizophrenia. Perfect recovery means coming off meds and not relapsing. But I am stabilised on medication. But I don’t want to be on those horrible needles and tablets.

I had a bad dream last night. It was about my phobias. I was in a dark place, trying to do whatever it took to leave that place, which was like a barren landscape. It was lonely in that dream, just like it is in life.

Real life computer game

This world is becoming more like a nightmare by the day! A lady was set ablaze in Toronto, a man was stabbed to death in fortitude valley, I wish we didn’t have so many violent computer games!

I’ll probably get stabbed or shot sometime in the future. It is for my sins against womankind. I wish the meds did a better job of chemically castrating me.

I don’t know what punishment I’ll get in hell. But it will sure be… hellish. Pardon the pun.

In hell, we are given sometime to drink, but it is foul and makes us vomit. In hell, we are given worms to eat. In hell, the air is fetid, and stinks, which makes us want to vomit even more. I beg you Lord, please don’t send me to the eternal flame!

God bless the indo-pacific region

I pray there is no war in the Indo-pacific region. I know some of the countries squabble amongst each other, but there should be no reason for a war. I pray China may co-operate with neighbouring powers to achieve equitable outcomes for all.

I just hope my friends in China, Philippines and Australia have a good life, both here and hereafter. I can’t imagine my country surviving a war with any power. We are not as strong as our military likes to think. China may ruthlessly crush us one day, unless I pray daily for world peace.

Life is a nightmare. I hope the ruling elite may not destroy this world for the sake of their egos. I hope WW3 is not coming. I hope the nukes may not be set off. I pray the Lord Jesus Christ uses His creative energies to move the leaders of all nations to compassion.

I can barely function as a human being. What if my Disability Pension gets cut? What if my house is destroyed? What if my parents die of sickness and old age? I will die in the streets. I pray that my humility has protected my future.

I pray my friends may always have a source of income. I pray Australia doesn’t become a war-ravaged country like Ukraine.

I had a bad dream last night. I dreamt of trying to fish someone out of hell. I was too late! The unknown person had already gone to the depths of hell, I could not reach in to find him!

I entered a red portal to go to hell. I wasn’t in the lava, I was on a bridge over the lava. The person wasn’t on the bridge, he already had been dragged under. Then my commander went to hell. He sent me to hell too, as he revealed he too, was a Lord of hell. As if my problems weren’t big enough. But I eventually fell into the lava. I could not swim down, the pain was excruciating. My prayers weren’t strong.

Lord, please don’t kill us all! I know we have crucified Your Son over and over in our hearts, but please! Hold out Your mercy to the world, so a few may repent!

Why go to hell?

Many people are outright narcissistic, I have had my fair share of people who have treated me with contempt. Most of my interactions with others have not been positive and have, in a way, traumatised me. But if somebody hates me without a cause, certainly they shall go to hell.

Why go to hell? All you have to do is repent, and have a deep respect for each and every person. Also, stand up for those who can’t protect themselves. Don’t say ‘it’s his fault he is under the mental health act, it’s his fault he is schizophrenic.’ Adopting such an attitude will make it impossible for you to come out of hell.

It’s a sad thing, really. Nobody takes the admonitions of Christ seriously. They laugh, saying ‘I will live the life I want, I will eat, drink, and be merry.’ But God says ‘You fool! This day your life will be required of you! Who will get to eat of your vineyard now?’ ‘This day’ means in God’s eternal time, so it is when the person dies. They could help me to their vineyard by standing up for me and being my friend.

But I suppose, in today’s modern generations, with old and young, with Christian and non-Christian, hell is not taken seriously. But believe me, hell is only one death away….