The Holy Spirit

I do remember the better times in life, before I had mental illness. But in actual fact, life is a continuum, but the emotions go up and down. Sometimes they are really up, but actually really downward emotions can kill you. They can drive you to attempting suicide, like I did in 2006, 2007, and 2017.

The cause of suicidal ideation is pride. We are saying to God ‘I’m fed up with not getting my way, so I’m going to murder this body you gave to me.’ It shows a lack of gratitude and humility, bearing patiently whatever God’s will is for us. Such are the times.

At the time I was suicidal, I would certainly of claimed the opposite, but indeed, it is a hatred and contempt for not only our lot in life, but of God Himself. The only way out of despair is humility, a patient endurance of the affliction, according to the Desert Fathers of the Orthodox Church.

It’s hotter in hell.

Blog update 7/07/21

Hello to all who view my blog. This video, as well as the entire Gregory Decapolite YouTube channel, is the reason I personally would prefer not to take the Covid 19 vaccine, until the authorities start torturing me. I pray Christ will help me in that hour of torment!

I know several of my friends view my blog, so I wanted other people’s opinions on this channel. Is it reliable? Is it fake? The testimony of my conscience is that this channel is true, as when Christ will accuse me of all the sins I have done in my life, at the last judgement, I will reply ‘Yes, master, these accusations are just and true.’

I secretly don’t think I will get into heaven. My faith in Christ is very weak. I just wonder, if I had been more accepting of my mental illness, had I borne my mental illness in 2006 without attempting suicide, would I of been able to lead more people to Christ? Would I of prevented the end of the world through encouraging my brothers and sisters in the faith? I am deeply saddened by my sins.