Life is tough

Life does teach me humility. Like many places around the world, the quality of the General Practices and the Psychiatrists in Brisbane is really low. But those people teach me humility.

I have severe social anxiety when I am fully psychotic. I just hear voices all my waking moments. But fortunately, with medication compliance, I do not feel symptoms much anymore.

But I’ve run out of ideas for what to write on this blog. God bless you all.



For me at least, being on medication is not that bad. I’m on 150mg Invega Sustenna depot injection and 200mg Desvenlafaxine. Invega Sustenna is an anti-psychotic and Desvenlafaxine is an anti-depressnant.

I don’t have many side effects. My Invega has made my big toe stand up on both feet while walking, so I have holes in both shoes where the big toes stand up. But it is more evident in the left foot. My Desvenlafaxine cures my hypersexuality associated with the bipolar element of my schizoaffective disorder.

So, I can’t think really of many side effects that bother me. Of course, I’d rather be on the tablet form of the depot, but the quality of psychiatrists in Brisbane (my city) is not really good. So I just bear their snide remarks with humility.

I hope nobody has to take the medications I’m on. You should only take it if you are suicidal, and mindfulness and meditation doesn’t help. That’s my opinion.

God bless you!


My destructive blog

Sometimes I have good days. Usually I have bad days. I know this doesn’t sound like much, but it does impact the way I write on my blog.

Sometimes I’m magnanimous, sometimes I’m vainglorious. I really should be trying to keep myself to myself. I do so, especially when I am out. I feel particularly unsafe on public transport. I’m sure the drivers feel that way, too.

I have not much to say on humility. Nearly all people can not implement the writings of the desert fathers onto their lives. Most people do not want to be Saints. Those that do, do not know how to be, nor can they be.

To be a Saint just involves being kind and courteous in all situations, including the ones where we are tired or stretched beyond our limit. That’s why I can not put in too many hours at my psycho-social rehabilitation facility, as the mentally ill people there often grind my gears.

If you want to give up in life, have some humility and seek treatment from the mental health system. This is not the initial piece of advice I’d give, but it is only used when the person is so severely ill that nothing can get him or her out of that depressive cycle.

I really hope the suicide rate in all countries goes down. Through the prayers of the blessed virgin, Amen.

Writing at midnight

This is my attempt at exercise a couple of nights back, when I weighed 122.2kg. When I stepped on the scales tonight, I weighed 122.5kg. Fancy that. Weight never goes down. At least it isn’t rapidly increasing.

I need the extra meds because I am so unstable in my life. I can not cope, not with the loss of grandma and some of her cats. It puts a terrible strain on me, and reminds me that my own parents will most likely go before me.

I will really miss my parents if they go before me. I hope they make it to heaven. It feels lonely here, as they are celebrating their 44th wedding anniversary somewhere nearby. But I bless them.

I hope grandma is in heaven.

Actually, my sore throat wasn’t so bad

My sore throat only lasted from Sunday 22/01/23 to Monday 23/01/23. Apparently my last bout with sickness was about 4 months ago. I guess I get sick 3 times a year.

Well, God is merciful. He only works with what I’ve got. I haven’t healed my body, much less my mind, which is constantly suffering from psychosis, which is masked by my medication.

I suffer from schizoaffective disorder and autism, for those of you new to my channel. Schizoaffective disorder basically means half bipolar half schizophrenia. Autism sort of means socially retarded and awkward.

I don’t act all socially retarded now, as my experiences in life have had a limited humbling effect on me.

My paypal is:

if anybody wants to support me.

I really hope nobody takes offense at this blog

This is my recent mild contribution to the internet.

I try to do some qi gong, hoping it would be inspiration to friends on my social media accounts.

I try to have positive self-esteem. But I get hypersensitive when I am scolded or criticised harshly.

I am still a little hollow on the inside, even though I take many vitamins.

It is about 12am midnight. I have insomnia, even though I’ve taken extra meds.

Goodnight all.

Everything was silent…

Well, not everything is silent tonight. My parents are entertaining themselves by watching the TV.

It is the night before my depot injection of anti-psychotic. I look forward to receiving a boost of anti-psychotic to treat my schizoaffective disorder.

I also bought extra meds from the late-night pharmacy because I wanted a little extra help getting to sleep. The meds provide some sedative effect.

I wouldn’t recommend anybody to go on anti-depressants or anti-psychotics. You become dependent on them. But, only take them if you are a danger to yourself or others, and you have exhausted all other options.

But, I recommend to my friends that they learn humility. Simple humility is the patient acceptance of what life offers us, health or sickness, wealth or poverty, honours or dishonours; knowing everything comes from God. He wouldn’t allow such things to come upon you if it weren’t for your eternal benefit.

Life is tough, I know. Some people breeze through life. Others, like me, struggle.

I do try to bless the Holy Trinity, but I do learn mindfulness, so that I can forgive the memories of the traumas I’ve received.

Forgiveness is a continual process. It involves accepting what happened in the past, and blessing the situation and person who dishonoured you.

Hope this helps. God bless you all.

My paypal link is:

If anybody wants to help me

Today was a good Sunday

Today was a good Sunday. I thought I was going to get beaten by mum for not helping with the cooking, but mum reassured me and took me out to sushi. The sushi was nice! I paid for the sushi. Wasn’t too expensive.

I worry too much about life. I worry about what others may think of me. I can not get to sleep without anti-psychotics. It is a perilous cycle.

I wish I had achieved more in life. But I’m waiting for the end of the world. I am hoping I just get blown to oblivion by a nuclear bomb blast. But maybe God is merciful.

I’m waiting for the end. Or at least the end of my life. I’ve been consuming a lot of resources. And whatever for? Because I have to take meds which increase my appetite, which in turn increase the amount of money I spend on food.

Life is horrid.

Pen Fifteen

Yes, I suck at martial arts.

But I practice them anyway. Though now I do more qi gong and gentle stretches, since my parents put up the cat enclosure.

I’m glad my parents are still alive. I have no way to honour them, except to give them a little of my disability support pension.

I thought I’d show a video of me sucking at martial arts, to fit with the video title.

God bless us all.

Who do you envy, by IakovosKriegor

Who do you envy?

Well, to answer this simply, I’d say anybody who doesn’t need the disability support pension to survive. Somebody who doesn’t bludge off the welfare system.

I sure wish I could work. After my 2012 ECTs I never went back to work and after my 2017 ECTs I never went back to study.

ECT means Electroconvulsive therapy, otherwise known as Shock Therapy. I am grateful that there are cures to my mental diseases.

ECTs are used when normal medication fails. It is used mainly for acute psychosis and major depression.

I’m 33 years old now. I’ve had, altogether in my life, 8 rounds of Shock Treatment. But none of it has got me to a point where I am more functional than before I got sick.

But I’m just an illness. I might never be able to get back into employment. The last job I had was in 2009 for only 2 weeks. So I am not career orientated.

I wish I could work, so I could give a little tax to the government which has so generously paid my pension for 14 years.