Lack of spirituality

I am afraid of violence. I am afraid of fights. That’s why I stay at home most of the time. That’s why I have no confidence asking out women. I try to stay out of trouble. I avoid confrontations. I am not manly.

So what? Jesus commanded us to ‘turn the other cheek.’ I’m sure even bible-illiterate atheists know that commandment.

People have no godliness these days, as their eyes are focused on what is on the Earth. Yet my eyes are fixed in heaven, that’s why I turned the other cheek when being bullied at high school.

People need to repent. Hell is only one death away….

Christian Nihilism

You may think the blog title is an oxymoron. It is. But indeed, to the Christian in the West, we feel a certain emptiness, and we don’t know what it is caused by. Sure, we can investigate our sins, and others can blame us for our faults. But sometimes it is just the culture.

In Australia, religion is frowned upon, particularly by the media. The mental health service and police services don’t do a good job, and frequently believe in self-entitlement. It is like a monk once said ‘the tormented man torments others.’

I don’t think society can fix up itself. I hope it does, but I don’t think it will, until programmed morality comes out. If everybody stops mucking up, then maybe we’ll have an ok society.

Ukraine, no Mykraine

First, Australia had the bushfires. Then the pandemic. Then potential threat of China. Now, Ukraine has been invaded by the Russians. What torment will Jesus Christ send next, to attempt to lead humanity back to remembrance of God?

We need to be chastised, both individually and as nations, so we as a society learn to choose the good and resist and reject the evil. Both Christian and atheist alike need chastisement, as both are evil in different ways. One is hypocritical, the other is honest in its immorality.

Life has become a nightmare, and my sins have contributed to it. I can confess to a priest and apologize to God, but my debt to God has not been erased, and likewise, my friends, family and myself, as well as my nation suffer because of my sins.

I think I’m a Saint, but that might be a symptom of my vulnerable narcissism. I wish I could apologize, but an apology is not good enough, I need to perfectly repent. Lord, have mercy on me and the human race!

I don’t think, in the weakness of my psychology, that I can fully repent. The church doesn’t allow me to receive holy communion, thereby allowing me to be healed somewhat by God’s grace. I think, when the end of the world comes, my time is up. Maybe my almsgiving will give me some relief in hell.

Life is a nightmare

In all our tragedies of life, we still do not repent.

I wish I could appear to all the sinful souls, and tell them of this place of torment, for they would fear to come here.

There is no repentance in hell.

There is no repentance after death.

I had a bad dream last night, about colonising other planets, and getting infected with some disease, that might of been too horrible to imagine, but the dream didn’t show me getting sick.

I just hope humanity can become slightly more Godly in the future.

I’m undateable

I was watching a YouTube clip from Better Bachelor, and the presenter said he had never been happier since his divorce. He could do whatever he wanted around his house, he didn’t have to share his money with anybody, he didn’t have to go through another amicable divorce. He liked being single.

After watching that YouTube clip, I realised how much better off I am. After my ex borrowed money off me and never gave it back, I’m glad I gave her some almsgiving. As much as I miss her, I am kind of happy that she left me and got married to someone else.

But all things that happen to me in this life are God attempting to teach me humility, so that I may not judge or curse another in thought, word or deed. God is particularly good at teaching people humility. He teaches it through natural disasters, loss of loved ones, failed business exploits, mental breakdowns, foreign invasions, and everything that society would call ‘bad.’ God uses bad things to teach us humility, so we’d stop spitting in God’s face.

Each time we sin, we spit in God’s face, we dishonour him on that cross. I worried one time that each sin I committed increased Christ’s torment in hell. Such was my zeal, before my mental breakdown! I wish I could stop sinning! But my heart is not right with God, as much as I’m more humble than 16 years ago.

But, my friends, please pursue humility. You will be glad you did on your deathbed. You will be glad you cultivated love for God and neighbour in heaven.

Oh! The humanity!

When I look at the news, there is not even the slightest trace of humility in either the media or the subjects of the media. Oh! What satanic pride! How far has man fallen! Nobody can wake up mankind from its spiritual slumber! Nobody can convince him to repent and amend his ways! This is the worm which dies not, and the fire that is never quenched!

What is the point of life without humility? Humility makes the soul ride upon the wings and lifts the courageous soul up boldly towards God! But nobody wants to be humble. Pride is worshipped, satanic pride! As Satan was bound and cast out from heaven due to his pride, so to re-enter paradise, we must have humility.

Nobody except me apologizes to his inferior, they all think highly of themselves. Whether Christian or not, all have the satanic energy of pride. Nobody regards me, even though I’m more humble than all! I have all the virtues, since I have humility! And people still scorn me!

I would advise humanity to repent and come off the wide road that leads to perdition, but it will not! Even in hell, people won’t repent. They gnash their teeth in anger at the triune God, and whatever for? They could of made themselves righteous in this life, to be spared torment in the next!

Repent, before the gate of mercy closes on you.

Why go to hell?

Many people are outright narcissistic, I have had my fair share of people who have treated me with contempt. Most of my interactions with others have not been positive and have, in a way, traumatised me. But if somebody hates me without a cause, certainly they shall go to hell.

Why go to hell? All you have to do is repent, and have a deep respect for each and every person. Also, stand up for those who can’t protect themselves. Don’t say ‘it’s his fault he is under the mental health act, it’s his fault he is schizophrenic.’ Adopting such an attitude will make it impossible for you to come out of hell.

It’s a sad thing, really. Nobody takes the admonitions of Christ seriously. They laugh, saying ‘I will live the life I want, I will eat, drink, and be merry.’ But God says ‘You fool! This day your life will be required of you! Who will get to eat of your vineyard now?’ ‘This day’ means in God’s eternal time, so it is when the person dies. They could help me to their vineyard by standing up for me and being my friend.

But I suppose, in today’s modern generations, with old and young, with Christian and non-Christian, hell is not taken seriously. But believe me, hell is only one death away….

Going to confession wasn’t so bad

Today is 02/09/21. I went to confession with a priest for the first time in 3 years. It wasn’t too bad. He gave me a lot of gentle advice.

I belong in a Greek Orthodox Church in Brisbane. They are nice communities, usually the elderly go there, because life has taught them to appreciate what they have got. Mental illness has taught me humility too, it teaches me to depend totally on God. I am grateful for what God has given me.

Well, I try to be grateful for what God has given me. But apart from that, I have nothing much to say for today. I have no specific counsels nor themes, as my needs are largely taken care of, due to my Centrelink pension and my medication.

Confession is a life-giving sacrament, and it is good for the conscience. It’s nice just to have someone to talk to. It also gives great boldness to the soul on that fearful day of judgement, or at least that’s what I feel it does. But I shouldn’t accuse God, I should bless Him and thank Him for the trials He has sent me to test and purify me.

I wish I was enlightened

When I was young, I wanted the enlightenment of the Buddhist monk, and the courage of the kung fu master. Now that I’ve grown up, I really wish I just had a purpose in life.

I really don’t live a ‘purpose-driven life’ by the same title of Rick Warren’s book. I couldn’t succeed in Christianity. I couldn’t succeed in Orthodoxy. I couldn’t succeed in Buddhism. I couldn’t succeed in life.

Maybe there will be some ad revenue on my blog once August is over. Not likely. My blogs are fairly boring. Life seems so full of despair, but the depression is manageable on medication. Mindfulness meditations do help as well.

The Buddhist state of ‘enlightenment’ is the ultimate aim of the Buddhist life, same as ‘Theosis’ is the aim of the Orthodox life. My former confessor said that when one achieved Theosis that person believed he was the worst of sinners. How to know one truly thinks of themselves as the worst of sinners is when you don’t judge others no matter what.

Theosis is attained by communing, confessing, fasting, praying, giving alms, and most importantly by practising the Jesus prayer. You must do all these things with repentance, or else they will all be useless. I was told not to pray the Jesus prayer because I’m a schizophrenic. The justifications I’ve been given for that are not adequate, concluding that it may be a demonic prayer.

So I never much pray the Jesus prayer. I pray in my own words, because I have more virtue than the Orthodox Christian who goes to Church every Sunday. Often, Sunday Orthodox Christians have a false virtue, because they bless God, yet curse the disabled and homeless man.

Such is the pitiable state of the Orthodox Churches in my city.

Let us stand fast, with fear!

Although I have taken the vaccine, I still want to live a life according to Christ’s precepts, to get me into paradise, or to take away punishments in hell. Life is troublesome, and people in society are feeling burnt out, due to overwork or lockdowns. Life is a nightmare for some suffering from severe mental health issues. I try to pray for them.

We must all pray for the salvation of the whole race of humanity. God is merciful, God can make things right all at once, even through a couple of thousand righteous people praying. We must think to ourselves ‘maybe God will show us mercy, and take away this plague from under our midst.’ God can save whosoever He wishes, too. So never think you are beyond salvation.

Our battle is in our mind, in our thoughts, in our imagination. Satan tends to make us fantasise about things, and we suffer the wounds of his vainglory. So concentrate on the breath, for say 1-5 seconds, or as long as you can, so you may not give an ear to his fantasies. Satan once imagined himself as equal to God, and from there he exited paradise.

Try to focus on the breath, maybe say a few prayers, praying in your own words. Always hope that God can take you out of your current reality and place you in a better situation and circumstance. God is the God of healing, the God of salvation. By Christ’s death on the cross, He reconciled the whole world to Himself, and from His pain, He sympathises with each and every one of our weaknesses.

If deep breathing doesn’t work, distract yourself. Do housework, take out the garbage, do the laundry, read a book. You have got a lot to live for. Christ has called you out of darkness into His army to do battle for Him, against your sinful inclinations, against the demons, and against your former self. Know you are getting stronger everyday.

Try to continue battling against your sinful addictions, knowing that each success brings you closer to righteousness. God blesses the righteous, and covers His servants with a shield. The battle for your soul is not over until God takes your soul to heaven. Let us stand well, let us stand in awe, and fear of God! Let us attend!