On my unforgivable sin

‘Jesus is asking a bit much,’ St Mother Teresa, on her deathbed.

Dear Risen Lord Jesus Christ

I didn’t do your will. I didn’t bless you as God.
Now I’m in hell, suffering for my sins.
No, I am not dead, but your mercy torments me, as I can not reach my grandma, nor the others who have died.

Maybe I will get some relief, when I am in the actual hell.
I will see some of the people I’ve loved, who weren’t good enough for You.
I prayed everyday for my family, and my dead relatives
Only to find out that, my prayers were offensive to you.

I wish I could of done your will. I wish I could of been holy.
But my righteousness was never enough. I didn’t go enough times to church.
I didn’t pray enough. I didn’t fast enough. My mental illness kept me back
from wholeheartedly following your will.

I’m in hell, and I say ‘thank you God.’
Your will is done, both in heaven and in hell.


God bless you all

Even though I have saved up a bit of money on my disability support pension, I do worry that 1) Centrelink will cut the pension and 2) that I will have to pay a lot of money for something ie house repairs, so I worry I will become bankrupt one day.

My mum and dad look after me, so I have their support. I do give a little bit of money to charity and to people who need it, so they can pray my soul out of hell after I die.

I have been watching YouTube videos about purgatory, and found out that St Michael the archangel is in charge of purgatory. Even though I am not supposed to believe in purgatory, as I am Orthodox, I still want as many prayers as possible after I die, so that I might have a reduced sentence from Jesus at least.

My paypal is paypal.me/iakovoskriegor

Hope my blog is inspiring. If it is, please help me to support others. God bless you all.

Reviewing my former martial arts videos

I don’t have a video to put in this post. I still have a YouTube channel, but I add very slowly to it, as I do not often exercise.

I think my weight is somewhere between 119 and 123kg. I can not get it lower than 118kg usually. If I want to lose weight, I have to starve myself.

I suppose everything is ok. Sometimes I’m lonely, but I comfort myself with contemplation, and with knowledge that I have quality friendships.

Contemplation, according to Catholicism, is just sitting still meditating, waiting for the call of God’s voice, or whatever religious themes come to mind when the mind is quiet. I started contemplating as best as I can today.

I am thankful that some people read my blog.

Oh, also, I can understand why so many people hate Christ. I have had a period where I hated Jesus, and looked more into Aaron Abke and law of attraction stuff. Now, I’m sort of open to both, but I try to pray to Jesus at least once a day.

The critical thing I take from law of attraction is ‘words have power. Don’t say bad things about yourself. They will end up becoming your reality.’

I am often self-deprecating, because my mental illness is incredibly severe. But I try to maintain a balanced, positive outlook on life, as much as I fail to do so.

Remember me in Your kingdom!

One of my friends online succumbed to her depression and committed suicide. Eternal be her memory.

We must always have humility. That is why I practice Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. It means, I keep true to my values when being abused. Such as ‘turning the other cheek,’ and ‘understanding my neighbour.’

I do not want to go to hell like the rich man. Jesus said ‘he who endures to the end shall be saved.’ So I will keep taking medication, just to stay alive.

Oh, precious and life-saving humility! How thou maketh angels of men! Men occupy the place from which the demons fell, all because of humility!

On pretence

Yes, I am pretentious. I do not do what is right in the eyes of the Lord.

Jesus said, on commenting on the behaviour of the Pharisees, ‘they for a pretence make long prayers, and for this they shall obtain a greater condemnation.’ Even when I am sick, I’m not humbled.

I wish I wasn’t a burden on society. I wish I could work, so I could pay taxes back to the government for its great generosity towards me. But all I can do is pray.

I am consuming resources, and yet God gives more grace and love, through the love of family and friends. I wish I could bless my enemies as well!

I am sick now. I’ve had a sore throat for roughly 3 days, now I have to blow my nose often.

I ask God to be merciful to me, and indeed He is, He gives sickness in order to cure me of my pride. And I never repent! Lord, help me!

I would ask to be sick more often, so I would run into the Lord’s arms and find His forgiveness!

Oh well.


The world suffers from a lack of love. Nobody cares about others. Everybody cares only about themselves. It truly is a lonely world.

I wish I could inspire some people to follow Christ wholeheartedly, as there is no point to life apart from following Jesus. It is like the advice at the end of Ecclesiastes: Serve God, keep His commandments.’ This is precisely what we must do.

The church may be the bride of Christ, but it still isn’t perfect. Many priests and faithful have turned people off going to church. But God is not to blame, we are to blame.

I pray you may all repent, and find joy in serving Christ.

Lack of spirituality

I am afraid of violence. I am afraid of fights. That’s why I stay at home most of the time. That’s why I have no confidence asking out women. I try to stay out of trouble. I avoid confrontations. I am not manly.

So what? Jesus commanded us to ‘turn the other cheek.’ I’m sure even bible-illiterate atheists know that commandment.

People have no godliness these days, as their eyes are focused on what is on the Earth. Yet my eyes are fixed in heaven, that’s why I turned the other cheek when being bullied at high school.

People need to repent. Hell is only one death away….

Christian Nihilism

You may think the blog title is an oxymoron. It is. But indeed, to the Christian in the West, we feel a certain emptiness, and we don’t know what it is caused by. Sure, we can investigate our sins, and others can blame us for our faults. But sometimes it is just the culture.

In Australia, religion is frowned upon, particularly by the media. The mental health service and police services don’t do a good job, and frequently believe in self-entitlement. It is like a monk once said ‘the tormented man torments others.’

I don’t think society can fix up itself. I hope it does, but I don’t think it will, until programmed morality comes out. If everybody stops mucking up, then maybe we’ll have an ok society.

Ukraine, no Mykraine

First, Australia had the bushfires. Then the pandemic. Then potential threat of China. Now, Ukraine has been invaded by the Russians. What torment will Jesus Christ send next, to attempt to lead humanity back to remembrance of God?

We need to be chastised, both individually and as nations, so we as a society learn to choose the good and resist and reject the evil. Both Christian and atheist alike need chastisement, as both are evil in different ways. One is hypocritical, the other is honest in its immorality.

Life has become a nightmare, and my sins have contributed to it. I can confess to a priest and apologize to God, but my debt to God has not been erased, and likewise, my friends, family and myself, as well as my nation suffer because of my sins.

I think I’m a Saint, but that might be a symptom of my vulnerable narcissism. I wish I could apologize, but an apology is not good enough, I need to perfectly repent. Lord, have mercy on me and the human race!

I don’t think, in the weakness of my psychology, that I can fully repent. The church doesn’t allow me to receive holy communion, thereby allowing me to be healed somewhat by God’s grace. I think, when the end of the world comes, my time is up. Maybe my almsgiving will give me some relief in hell.

Life is a nightmare

In all our tragedies of life, we still do not repent.

I wish I could appear to all the sinful souls, and tell them of this place of torment, for they would fear to come here.

There is no repentance in hell.

There is no repentance after death.

I had a bad dream last night, about colonising other planets, and getting infected with some disease, that might of been too horrible to imagine, but the dream didn’t show me getting sick.

I just hope humanity can become slightly more Godly in the future.