Tag: psychosis

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Life is pretty depressing

We are going into winter in the southern hemisphere, which is the only good thing that I can think of right now. Otherwise, even on a high dose of anti-depressants, I still feel pretty depressed.

My life went down the plughole as soon as I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Such is a tragedy for me. I have no future apart from medications. I would just commit suicide if it weren’t for my anti-depressants and anti-psychotics.

But nobody else cares. Not even my friends pay close attention much to me. I have to go on chat rooms, hoping to make a friend in the world.

I guess, God punishes each of us for our sins, to varying degrees, both in this life, and the next.

I think there are drug dealers in the street. I’m sort of glad they leave the houses alone. I’m not courageous enough to find out what they are doing. I just hide in here, and hope Jesus protects me.

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Diary entries 15/03/21 to 21/03/21

I do edit these diary entries, so that anything unsuitable or truly embarrassing and shameful is taken out. I do live a boring life, really.

15/03/21

The fact that nobody cares is the coldest thing I will ever know. I really should be caring about others, including my enemies, but I hardly do. This is my greatest torment. This is the eternity in darkness. Perhaps I have been to hell already, during a previous incarnation, which explains why I have such a big fear of hell.

18/03/21

The weather is still taking its time to get nicely cool, even though it is half way through March. I went to the library today to read a boring book. I read a star wars book from the St Vincent de Paul Op shop. I think I read the whole book of 1st Corinthians today (again).

I wish I could speak 2 languages fluently. My mom never taught me how to speak Russian, even though she is Russian. Maybe Russian people are hardly worth knowing.

Where is my honour and glory? I guess peace with God is it’s own reward. Maybe I will find peace soon.

21/03/21

What is the point of studying? What is the point of goal-related activity? I feel that society should focus on repenting than on achieving more pleasure in the flesh. I wish the world would repent….

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Diary entries 9/2/21 to 11/2/21

This provides readers with an insight into the meanderings of a schizophrenic on medication.

9/2/21

I went to a Sikh temple with my support worker today. It was nice and interesting. The customs were interesting, just like the customs of the Orthodox Church. My dad got my new phone working for me, even though I thought it was broken. I guess it isn’t the end of the world.

10/2/21

My grandma kidnapped a neighbour’s cat today. Let’s hope she gives it back before she gets in trouble with the neighbours. I went and had my injection today. It was fairly nice. My dad fixed up my new phone. Optus is still transferring my old number to my new SIM.

Sigh. I felt energy go out of me when I went to the Sikh temple. But I never had the Holy Spirit anyway. This is nothing to be feared. Into Jesus’s hands I commend myself.

11/2/21

Today I am going to my psychiatrist. Boy am I pumped.

I came back from my psychiatrist. After that, my mum took me to Optus, to get my phone working. I have a working phone now!

I prayed unto Jesus today. I asked Him to have mercy on the human race, without blotting out humanity from the face of the Earth.

Sigh, eternity. As much as I cry out to God, I have very little faith in Him. I almost believe Him entirely separate from His creation. I hope to go to church on the weekend.