Forgive me, oh God

I have sins which I can’t mention on this blog. Sometimes I want to slit my wrists because I don’t want to deal with this addiction anymore.

I am a vcel. It means voluntary celibate. But I struggle to be pure. I really wish the Lord would save me. But only the abyss answers my prayers.

Thank you all the readers who read my blog. I will go for my depot tomorrow, and will try to ask for more medication. I will try to starve myself, so I don’t gain too much weight.

God bless all of you.

I need help with my life

I really need to have ambition, not a lack of it. The psychiatrist says that negative symptoms of schizophrenia include lack of drive and lack of enjoyment in activities one would usually find enjoyable. Well, maybe the good thing is that it keeps me from going manic. Not that I’m truly happy when manic. Being mentally ill is a dishonour I struggle to bear.

I kinda wonder, ‘is playing civilisation 4 all that there is for a mentally ill person? Is lying on the bed for a great deal of time looking at the ceiling a natural part of being mentally ill?’ I try and attribute my boredom due to a lack of activities in Brisbane City. That is untrue. I’m just not willing to try new things.

I suppose it is just best to play it safe, then….