One of the people online said that my sparring is more like dancing. I know I could make all kinds of criticisms about my fighting style. I am not good at fighting, due to the severity of my disability. I can not compete with other young men.
I haven’t sparred with my friend for at least 6 months. I did more sparring when I felt more confident. Now I’m just a shadow of my former self. I have gained more weight. When I stepped on the scales today, I weighed 122kg. So my weight isn’t going anywhere.
I went to social tennis today. I feel happier playing social tennis than doing sparring with my buddy. I’m not good at tennis, either. I am slow on the court.
I finally remember why I was in such a sour mood today. I had a bad dream last night! It was about being back in Tae Kwon Do again, where I was being put down by the instructor. I was also taking a bus back home for a long distance late at night. Reminds me of when I was manic while not taking enough medication!
Life sucks. My blog sucks. I never got good at martial arts or tennis. I can hardly do 5 to 10 push ups. Here is a video from YouTube of my poor performance at martial arts.
I did Tae Kwon Do for at least 9 months without stopping before my first breakdown. Now, I never go to any exercise except social tennis. The last competitor who played against me in social tennis said ‘we are both a bit rusty.’ So I never was good at tennis. Nor am I agile.
This is one of the least viewed videos on my YouTube channel.
This is what remains after a long absence from proper Tae kwon do classes.
I did my white belt and 2 yellow belt gradings before I was put on medication. Only after blue belt do they have sparring gradings in my previous Tae kwon do facility.
I did only one grading with sparring before I quit, because I got kicked to the ground, making me lose all my points on sparring. The instructors usually judge fairly harshly and critically. It is not catered for people with disabilities.
I wouldn’t recommend Moon Lee Tae kwon do for anybody except if you have toughness, or looking for something to add to your military or police career. Martial arts are not for everybody.
It’s recommended you have a job before doing the classes. If you can’t work a job and survive on a disability pension for mental illness, what kind of mental toughness do you have? If you try to act tough, the police will beat you up.
The police usually pick on the homeless or mentally ill person, and nobody stands up for the disabled. Nobody advocates for their rights. Nobody puts the police in jail for discrimination against people with disabilities.
Sure shows the state and quality of our armed forces and security personnel…
I used to spar. Then I ran out of energy. This was taken over a year ago. Maybe I had more energy in my 20s.
Why fight? The Daoists say ‘be like water,’ in the context of being flexible. Bruce Lee says ‘be like water,’ in the context of violence and getting your own way. I no longer believe in Bruce Lee’s way of thinking.
I pray for Bruce Lee’s soul everyday. He was a violent man, so he is likely still suffering in hell. Poor guy, I think rejecting Jesus’s offer of eternal life is the ultimate in foolishness.
I can’t believe I can still do these exercises, after all these years, and at my current dose of medication. I take 150mg Invega Sustenna Depot injection syringe, 200mg Desvenlafaxine, and 3mg paliperidone. It is very difficult to lose weight, unless I get nervous and stressed and stop eating. Then I will likely ask my psychiatrist for an increase in meds, which will bring back my appetite.
The only way to lose weight on medication is to starve yourself. It would be possible, if I were chained to my bed and released only to go to the toilet. That’s how bad the hunger is on medication. Anti-psychotics usually do that to you.
My sincere wish is none of my fellow bloggers may need to take anti-psychotics, as they are the worst form of medication. I don’t know why people are up in arms about the Covid vaccine, the Covid vaccine would have less side effects, long and short term, than long term anti-psychotics. I’ll probably be dead before I’m 60. Good thing I’m going regularly to confession with the priest. I hope to get past the aerial toll houses.
This is my best video of me sparring with my friend. The video was recorded by my other friend. Funnily enough, even though I suffer from schizophrenia and autism, I still have at least 2 friends.
I say it is the best, mainly because my legs are most flexible in this video. I do stretching mainly once every 2 days, but it is not enough for me to get flexible. I’m still too unfit to join a class. I do not drive, so I must take bus to potential martial arts classes, so the walking to and from bus stops is a bit difficult, combined with the hardships of the martial arts classes, coupled with the fact that I’m just under 120kg or around 270 pounds.
Hope I can earn a dollar from advertising revenue…
Hello everybody. I am surprised how many good and honest people would even regard my blog. Thank you to all the nice people out there who support me on my journey to heaven!
I started a youtube account, which I pay premium for. I’m hoping people will like my videos. My channel’s name is ‘Mr Keai’, which means ‘Mr cute’ in chinese. Chinese language does not distinguish between the adjectives ‘lovely’ and ‘cute’. So my real name ‘James Owen Lovely’ is just ‘James Owen Cute’ in chinese equivalent. Otherwise in pinyin it’s known as Zhanmushi Ouwen Keai.
Anyway, my serious advice to all people seeking the kingdom of God, take one day at a time, go easy on yourself, especially if you are going to have a mental breakdown. In 2006, when I was acutely manic, I was doing high school, air force cadets, tai chi, and tae kwon do, then I lost my mind and ended up in hospital!
I don’t believe in the saying ‘no pain, no gain’. I believe, ‘push yourself too hard and you will get injured.’ I realise a lot of people out there will not understand weak people like me, such as David Goggins, or Jordan Peterson. But they have a certain mindset and set of genetics that makes them extremely tough. I am not like that.
I do not think I will ever become a CEO, or even any kind of leader, for that matter. But God gives gifts to everybody, some He withholds from others, while giving to someone else. Anyway, I’ll try to post my youtube link, so you can enjoy all my youtube videos. God bless!