Ugly desu ka?

Hai ugly desu. It means ‘am I ugly?’ The million dollar answer is ‘Yes, I am ugly.’

I was walking behind a good looking asian lady on the way to the petrol station. After I had bought items from the petrol station, I went and said to her ‘pardon me’ and she let me sit down, then she got up.

I said to her ‘thanks for giving me a seat.’ She said ‘u r alright.’ But she didn’t ask me any questions. I have a feeling she was going on the bus to meet with her boyfriend (a chad) and didn’t want to talk to another guy.

I take risks in meeting female strangers because I am schizoaffective, meaning I have a bipolar component to my schizophrenia.

I sat outside the Greek church for nearly 2 hours. No single women wanted to talk to me, so I just left. I must look really low-value.

Ugly desu ka? Yes, indeed I am. God bless you for thinking thus.

After tennis

It was so hard just to play 35 minutes against my younger cousin. I won 6/3, but it was a hard struggle. I couldn’t make it to many balls. My younger cousin is fitter than me. Luckily, he had his father to play with him.

My cousin forgot as well! But he came anyway at 4pm, with his father. He was about to only play with his father, he completely forgot about me!

I talked to a Chinese lady at the pro shop. She asked ‘where did you learn Chinese?’ I replied ‘At this university.’ The University of Queensland has a school which uses its classrooms for night courses. So I learnt Chinese at night classes at UQ.

I told my friends online that I had spoken to a stranger. They laughed. But most women feel uncomfortable when approached by a stranger, unless I’m very handsome. Which I’m not.

I weigh 120kg, and am 180cm tall. So I am quite fat. I need to lose 45kg before I look ok. Maybe my face needs a better jawline.

Calm the raging storm

It was too crowded at the shopping mall today! I really wish I had stayed home. My narcissism flared up, all because of reasons that are too embarrassing to mention.

I get angry over insignificant things. Social rejection is ok, it saves me from having to know the other person, who might be bad natured, after all!

I must develop more humility with regards to being unpopular. Well, not unpopular, but ignored and shunned. I don’t make new friends easily, as I am too depressing.

I don’t think I can make a new friend, as I am not upbeat. Sometimes, I wish I had cool things to say. Maybe if I put my head up my behind, I’ll act cool. LOL.

Whatever happens, I shouldn’t say the first thing that comes to my mind. I should always ask about that other person, rather than say how boring my life is.

I wish I had a brain that knew which topics to talk about….

The James Lovely Joker

Ok. Today my father said that I naturally had a menacing look on my face, so he said I should paint my face as the joker. Very funny dad. I just pray I have the humility in life to endure the bad times and NOT become a joker.

I’m afraid of Stacy’s

Last time I was at social tennis, the receptionist smiled at me. She was drop-dead gorgeous. She is what the incels call a Stacy.

So I am avoiding social tennis tonight, because she smiled at a sub-five like myself. The normal behaviour of Stacy’s towards me is disgust and contempt. But her smile violates the laws of physics! I have to stay home and recover.

She is tall, and a bit young for me, too. Plus I’m not a Chad. I’m a sub-five. I’m also worried I may break wind on the tennis court, as I had a Katsudon for dinner.

I’m a vcel, not an incel

Whenever I look up YouTube videos about Incels, I just laugh. Incel stands for involuntarily celibate, and they are very misogynistic. I always feel that they could find a relationship if they worked on their kindness levels and stopped being so bitter towards attractive women.

Personally, I don’t look at myself as an incel, but more a vcel, which I say is ‘voluntarily celibate.’ I don’t practice celibacy like a monk, but I just don’t approach women. And with good reason too. I have nothing to offer women. I have no substance to my character. I’m just a schizophrenic on a pension.

I can not make my own money, I can not drive a car, I am scared of calling emergency services. I am not brave enough to fight to protect my future girlfriend. I know all these things based on my first and only relationship. I was wasting her time.

I am not an incel, because I don’t hate women, as far as I’m aware. I bless women and men, especially people who scorn me. I accept the abuse of others, usually.

God bless all people.

YouTube success (lack of)

I was looking up amateur youtubers that I’m subscribed to. Based on how many total views they had, I’d deduce the more good looking the youtuber, the more views they’d get. Boy, sex sells.

https://youtube.com/shorts/TQABam92R-8?feature=share

This is a video of me before I gained too much weight. I might of been 117kg in this video instead of 123kg. Boy am I fat.

As I was perusing youtubers who were my friends, I found out some statistics. I, as an unattractive male, got 1 500 total views. The least lovely lady got 9 000 views. The next ranked lady got 30 000 views. The best looking lady got 1 600 000 views. Maybe I should get liposuction and a sex change LOL.

Here’s to all my friends who are incels or voluntary celibates and ugly.

I need help with my life

I really need to have ambition, not a lack of it. The psychiatrist says that negative symptoms of schizophrenia include lack of drive and lack of enjoyment in activities one would usually find enjoyable. Well, maybe the good thing is that it keeps me from going manic. Not that I’m truly happy when manic. Being mentally ill is a dishonour I struggle to bear.

I kinda wonder, ‘is playing civilisation 4 all that there is for a mentally ill person? Is lying on the bed for a great deal of time looking at the ceiling a natural part of being mentally ill?’ I try and attribute my boredom due to a lack of activities in Brisbane City. That is untrue. I’m just not willing to try new things.

I suppose it is just best to play it safe, then….

Maybe I won’t be a pastor

Ummm, yeah, so I have this disease, which one moment I’m too happy, the next moment I’m too sad. Instead of schizophrenia, I have, no, not bipolar mood disorder, but, yes! you guessed right the 2nd time! schizoaffective disorder! So it’s like psychotic bipolar mood disorder. Or whatever.

I think I won’t be a pastor. Or a priest. Because I don’t want to make my own converts. I feel uncomfortable talking to strangers in the street. I feel like Jesus really let me down by giving me mental illness, so I’m not over the moon happy for my life in Jesus Christ.

I did do an article where I said about going to Mapleton QCCC. But I was manic back then, due to not being on medication, yet. So, if I didn’t have a mood disorder, life would mostly be very boring.

I thought about becoming a martial arts grandmaster, but I’m too lazy to actually attend classes. Unless I’m manic. I thought about becoming a fake martial artist, but I don’t have enough of an imagination to make up a martial art.

Oh well, guess I’ll stay a disability support pensioner for the foreseeable future.