Well, I did some exercise to make myself feel better. It was gentle stretching and tai chi, with some push ups. It reminded me a lot of how I was abused frequently in martial arts classes. Those instructors had a lot of negative energy.
So when I tried to do a mindfulness meditation afterwards, I was thinking back to the trauma in my life and shouting at the walls, when I was supposed to be meditating! But I will go back and try again later tonight.
I shout at the walls, because that is a symptom of my psychosis. I relive the trauma of what happened in the past. Yes, I know I can’t change the past, and I know I have to forgive, but even though I’ve forgiven, the memories still traumatize me.
I do believe in the law of attraction, because I’m not a very faithful Christian. I believe that our thoughts influence our reality.
I do try to be especially nice to others, as I believe it will give my soul relief in the eternal fire.
I can not fathom the reality of hell, or its eternity. How the pain lasts forever.
Jesus said ‘forgive, and you shall be forgiven.’ So I am using law of attraction and mindfulness meditations to remind myself to always forgive.
With memories floating through my mind, forgiveness is not a one-time event, but a continual process. At other days, I’ll be better at forgiving. Other times, worse. But nonetheless, I must continue fighting to save my soul.
I don’t have a video to put in this post. I still have a YouTube channel, but I add very slowly to it, as I do not often exercise.
I think my weight is somewhere between 119 and 123kg. I can not get it lower than 118kg usually. If I want to lose weight, I have to starve myself.
I suppose everything is ok. Sometimes I’m lonely, but I comfort myself with contemplation, and with knowledge that I have quality friendships.
Contemplation, according to Catholicism, is just sitting still meditating, waiting for the call of God’s voice, or whatever religious themes come to mind when the mind is quiet. I started contemplating as best as I can today.
I am thankful that some people read my blog.
Oh, also, I can understand why so many people hate Christ. I have had a period where I hated Jesus, and looked more into Aaron Abke and law of attraction stuff. Now, I’m sort of open to both, but I try to pray to Jesus at least once a day.
The critical thing I take from law of attraction is ‘words have power. Don’t say bad things about yourself. They will end up becoming your reality.’
I am often self-deprecating, because my mental illness is incredibly severe. But I try to maintain a balanced, positive outlook on life, as much as I fail to do so.
Be in the world but not of the world.
Welcome to my blog. I’m a schizophrenic on a pension living in Australia.
So far, life has had its ups and downs, but I am not dead yet. I still got time to improve my character.
I meet people sometimes at the library. While I receive mixed responses from them, they are largely polite.
I do pray for the world. Although I am officially an Orthodox Christian, I do enjoy enlightened law of attraction experts, such as Aaron Abke. God bless him.
God bless all of you who read my blog. I bless my family, friends, and enemies.
I think I’ve seen that word somewhere before, on an Orthodox site that was written in English. It was English translations of Russian documents, allegedly written by high-profile members of the Orthodox Church. Some were called Saints. Others were called bishops.
Ortho-prelesti I think means ‘Orthodox spiritual delusion.’ I think it just meant what Orthodox need to avoid in their interactions with the world. God bless them.
I am baptised in a Greek Orthodox church, but I am not a communicating member. Communicating in this context means a person who receives Holy Communion. I went to the local Greek church today. The voices in my head kept me entertained, even though I looked rather insane to people at the church.
I do not have many clips where I do sparring. I have eased up on the sparring recently. I’d rather just let the other person beat me up, rather than have it on my conscience. I did many evil things as a child, that need atonement. I’m waiting for God to punish me. Punish me oh God, in this life, and not in the next!
I look up philosophy videos and law of attraction videos on YouTube. I did not speak to my godfather at the church today. I try to watch something light on YouTube rather than the fire and brimstone rhetoric of the Orthodox church.
‘Christians’ is a book title by the journalist Greg Sheridan. He has written other books that are in the library. I picked up this book from the religious section in the library. I enjoy reading it.
I try to keep to myself nowadays. I don’t do any more evangelism, because I’m the biggest hypocrite. And I believe, some good comes of other belief systems, like the mindfulness that sprung forth from Buddhist teaching.
I wish my life had more meaning. But, I guess life is what you make it.
I looked on one of my previous posts. It was titled ‘law of attraction.’ Heck, I feel better looking into new age teachings than thinking about Christianity. Christianity paved the way for my mental illness. The bible coloured my mental breakdown.
Jesus said very austere things in the bible. The bible is not recommended to be read by a mentally ill person, although a lot of mentally ill people have read the bible at some point.
I don’t read the bible now, but I do read Unseen Warfare by Theophan the Recluse. I don’t think he was a Saint, as the Orthodox church makes him out to be. He is totally out of touch with the mentally ill.
Then again, the Orthodox church is not for everybody. My former priest warned joining the Orthodox church would make my mental illness a lot worse.
I do like Eckhart Tolle. He is a wise and peaceable man, although he is not a Christian. Ironically, the most Christian person in the world is the Dalai Lama, and he is Buddhist! Ha, the irony.
I guess I will go back to distancing myself from the teachings of Jesus. The law of attraction is much more palatable.
Isn’t it odd how an Orthodox Christian wants to write on the law of attraction? Well, sometimes I like a break from Orthodoxy every now and then.
I am not very Orthodox, despite being chrismated in an Orthodox church. I don’t like the people, I don’t like the snobby attitudes of the worshippers and priests, and I don’t like fasting, due to being on medication which makes eating extra unavoidable.
I prefer the law of attraction sometimes, as it is more palatable than Orthodox Christianity, and it takes my mind off hell. I’m just hoping I can ‘create’ my way out of worrying about going to hell in the end. I’m not living my life up now with these limiting beliefs!
Sure wish I could make money off YouTube or WordPress. It’s a nice cool night in the start of spring. End of winter was quite hot. Now I just have to get my comfy mattress back into the room with the air conditioning for the hellish summer.
Sigh, I don’t have any advice on personal development, as I have never really developed myself personally. The law of attraction advice is ‘think you already have what you want, and you will get it.’ I sort of get some relief from pretending that I’m celibate, to stop preoccupying myself with my loneliness.
As much as I am unworthy of a girlfriend, I struggle with emotional issues of loneliness. Sometimes the cold is too much to bear. But distraction helps. YouTube also helps. I prefer looking up law of attraction videos than looking at Orthodox videos.