Humility

Yep, you are all right. I don’t have humility, as much as I talk about it. I do not have the humility to work. I do not have the humility to push myself beyond my limits so I do not have to rely so much on my disability support pension. But what can I do? I’m only mortal.

I suppose, if I were manic, I’d be able to eventually work a 20 hour shift, until the mania stopped and the depression set in. I really can’t work with customers as I do not know how aggressive they might be. I don’t have the humility to put up with rubbish from aggressive customers or management or HR.

I can sometimes put up with being insulted on qq chat, but sometimes they really get under my skin and I use my professional English knowledge to really insult them, saying things like that their only purpose is for their corpse to feed the worms at the cemetery. Great insult for all those trolls who take it too far!

But I have no humility. I have glimpses of it, I can control myself to a limited degree, but I do not keep a lot of the Lord’s commandments. I wish I did, but I haven’t been given the blessing by my priest to take communion at the Orthodox Church. Sigh, life is unfortunate. I wish I could do more for the emptiness in my soul.

I really wish for more humility so I wouldn’t brood with resentment over what the priests say to me, or have said to me. I can’t control them. People outside the church are frequently a lot worse, as Australian people have a poor code of conduct, generally speaking.

But violence doesn’t solve anything, as the police will just turn me into swiss cheese with their pistols and tazors. So I better not push myself too hard, as it could make my mental health a lot worse.