My previous posts

I look at the majority of my posts, and I realise I have managed to keep it largely together.

But nobody cares about this blog anyway.

I hardly even make new friends here.

It’s a lonely road.

I almost cried at the library today. I tried to keep it together. I just left when I was about to cry. I wanted to cry because I have few friends and very poor social connections.

I’m still very obese. My meds don’t make me want to practice abstinence via starvation. The only way to lose weight on medication is to starve yourself.

Life is very lonely. The fact I’m dishonoured doesn’t make it any easier.

Maybe I will go to my bedroom and pray.

No one cares

Very few people care about me and my situation, and my lot in life. Even fewer people bless me and make an effort to spend time with me. But I should remember that it is not my fault, it is just the misinterpretation of my illness by outsiders.

Even my younger relatives on my mother’s side do not want to have anything to do with me. Same with the people in my grade from my former high school. But as it is written in the life of Elder Hatzi-Georgis of the Holy mountain, ‘no one cared, as the souls in hell only cared about themselves.’ So a lot of people, already in this life, are in hell, who are guaranteed a place in hell after their death.

As is said in the recount of the aerial toll-houses in the life of Taxiotes the soldier, ‘(the souls in hell) beg, but no one cares; they mourn, but no one comforts them.’ People both inside and outside the Holy Orthodox Church are in big trouble with God. I do pray regularly for them.

Actually, looking at this icon, I myself may go to hell, due to the sins I committed in primary and high school. I am being cursed with a lack of love from men and women because I hit, maimed, insulted, and judged men and women in primary and high school.

Maybe I will never get an opportunity to set things right. Maybe I should endure solitude and isolation, in hope that I would not be punished in the next life. God have mercy.