I am afraid of violence. I am afraid of fights. That’s why I stay at home most of the time. That’s why I have no confidence asking out women. I try to stay out of trouble. I avoid confrontations. I am not manly.
So what? Jesus commanded us to ‘turn the other cheek.’ I’m sure even bible-illiterate atheists know that commandment.
People have no godliness these days, as their eyes are focused on what is on the Earth. Yet my eyes are fixed in heaven, that’s why I turned the other cheek when being bullied at high school.
People need to repent. Hell is only one death away….
Sigh. When I was young and manic, before I got forced on medication, when I was an altar boy at an Anglican church in 2005, I wanted to be a pastor or priest. But now I get nothing out of worship! All I do at the Greek orthodox church is just judge my neighbour, and remember with scorn the insults of the Greeks against me.
I don’t think I’ve ever been truly tough. I may of done martial arts and cadets, but it was a false courage, a false toughness. Now nobody recognizes me as a candidate for the priesthood.
It’s pathetic, but I wouldn’t enjoy preaching from a pulpit anyway. Most people in churches don’t listen to the messages of their pastors, and don’t apply it to their lives. What a waste of time church must be!
Why do people go to church in the first place? I suppose they’d be homicidal maniacs like the communists if they were given state sanction to do so. So I don’t trust churches.
Life sucks for me, even though I have a few good deeds.
If I didn’t take my medication, I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep at night.
2017 was a taxing year during the winter, when I had my worst psychosis. I believed I was going to jail, I believed people were following me, due to me hearing voices coming from nearby houses. I heard things like ‘he’s weird’ or ‘he’s acting really weird.’ They would usually accuse me, so I would often confess to others that I was a Christian terrorist, and then ask ‘what else do you want me to confess?’ like everything was a court tribunal.
I often asked my mom ‘what are you not telling me?’ due to my paranoia. I was waiting for the end. I prayed in the mental hospital ‘Lord, do not let me live to see the end.’ I felt like I was going to be killed by gangsters, who would kill everybody dear to me. I imagined there were gangsters in one of the hospitals I was in, who were on a mission to kill me.
But all these delusions stopped once I had the 3 rounds of shock therapy. I felt much better after that. But I have experienced a profound lack of respect from others inside the churches, whether Protestant or Orthodox. That’s why I don’t go to protestant churches anymore. They use a heat scanner on me to check for infection, but they don’t scan anybody else in the congregation.
Yeah. I think a lot of people need fixing up by the police services, even correcting them in the congregation. Pity the jails are full. Society is entitled to rejecting whoever it wants. Society, and particularly churches, are not inclusive.