1st of October

I sort of feel alright today. I went to a Russian Orthodox Church today.

I just wanted to share some wisdom for Christians suffering from mental health issues. God doesn’t expect much from you. The writings you find on the internet, which are written by Saints, are meant to be for those who have got it all together in their lives.

God won’t expect so much from someone who can’t perform so well in life. So my friends, take heart, God will show all of us mercy.

God has already taught us much humility. God will repay us, both here and in the next life.

The Jewish law was for those who break the law, such as unethical people, bad people. We will be shown much kindness, as God doesn’t expect us to perform as well as a person without mental health issues.

Sorry, my iteration has not been very good. I hope I got my point across.

I know some of you may be despairing now, but just practise some mindfulness, take some medicine, time heals all wounds.


I have schizoaffective disorder, personally. Schizoaffective disorder is either half bipolar half schizophrenia or half schizophrenia half depression. I have the manic-depressive type.

Well, as I always try to tell myself, it is meant to teach me humility. God sends me both Christians and non-Christians who dishonour me, to make sure I am humbled by their caustic words!

Well, when I do not think I am a Saint, but seriously think I am the worst of sinners, then I will be at the summit of virtue.

Humility can be a craving for insults, and a thirst for dishonours. I still pray one day I may have humility!

I created a paypal link

Yes! I can finally accept donations! I hope all my hard work has paid off!

My paypal link is


My portrait in paypal should be an Orthodox icon of St Seraphim of Sarov. He was a very gentle Saint, and I’m trying to emulate his gentleness. He even forgave and loved those who beat him up and left him as a hunchback for the rest of his life.

If my paypal link is wrong, then let me know, and I can find out what is the problem.

God bless everybody here!

My arm is slightly sore

My right arm hurts a little after my depot 2 days ago. It was the deltoid that I had my needle into.

I bless the nursing staff at the general practice. They had some helpful tips for me on how to lose weight.

Today I should be going to a barbeque with my support services. I hope this time it comes about.

I am sometimes lonely, even though I live with my parents and 7 cats. But I am glad my parents and cats are still alive.

I wish I had some wisdom to impart. I have not been very humble lately. I have been trying to bless my enemies, but I usually just take an insult when it comes.

On the manosphere

I thought the manosphere was a joke at first. I didn’t understand a lot of young men take it seriously.

I sometimes joke with my family about chad and tyrone, but I just attribute them as handsome men.

I don’t liken myself to an incel (or a terrorist, for that matter). I try not to bother women in real, as I like to read catholic books on celibacy.

I probably wrote some garbage in the past, but my mental illness is getting somewhat better.

If I reduce meds, a lot of progress could of been for nothing. I am a danger to myself and others if I reduce meds.

Overall, I probably am a voluntary celibate, rather than some crazed misogynist.

God bless all people, including our enemies. Enemies teach me humility.

What shall I say?

I feel better today. I had a nice time at English conversation group today. I felt like my life had purpose.

It is 6 days until my 150mg depot injection. 150mg is the max dose of paliperidone that the psychiatrist is allowed to give me. I am coping on this dose of medication. But I feel I could cope on 100mg of paliperidone.

Of course, the amount of active ingredient is not much, but it still is a strong psychotropic drug. It heals those afflicted with mental insanity, with unpleasant side effects. But the side effects of my medication is not too bad.

Sometimes, I know I couldn’t cope with life without medication. I had schizophrenic symptoms since at least grade 5, at the turn of the millennium. I had a bad feeling back then about the 3rd millennium.

Maybe I was just cursed because of my violent behaviour as a small child. Maybe God sent me schizophrenia to teach me humility. Life certainly does teach me humility! I’ve got nothing left but to answer insult with blessing! Life is a struggle and a nightmare, in some cases.

It’s been a while

I haven’t wrote online for a while.

I really wish I had something to talk about.

Nobody really cares about humility.

I wish I could save my own soul, but my prayers are unacceptable to God.

Lord, have mercy on us all.


I’m feeling more grouchy than usual. Mum says it is due to depression. I thought it was a symptom of schizophrenia, such as being more touchy.

I must of been a terrible person in a previous lifetime to deserve this kind of sickness. I hope reincarnation is not true, and I’m just being punished for schoolyard bullying that I performed in primary school.

I am trying to be a good person. But sometimes good people get taken advantage of. So grouchiness is a defence mechanism.

Nobody has true humility. I have the closest thing I’ve ever seen in a human being to true humility. And people use it as an excuse to walk all over me, rather than saying ‘he truly is a man of God!’


I must admit, I admire the mini celebrity Hamza. He did a public apology to a fellow YouTuber named Sneako. He was talking about humility. I was impressed by his advocation of the virtue of humility.

I must admit, as much as I like to think I’m humble, I am actually not humble. I don’t do much with my life. If I was humble, I’d be involved in my community a lot more.

Being humble is a struggle. It was easier to do it in group chat because the praise of others would fuel my desire to accept being insulted. Usually, when somebody abuses me in real, there is nobody to defend me, so only God sees my humility. But I don’t see God.

I wish I did live for God, but it is not true, I don’t live for God. I live for self. I wish I could repent, but I am not motivated to put in the effort to repent. Maybe if reincarnation is true, better luck next life. But something in me testifies to the permanence of hell in the next life.

A potential food crisis

I looked at the news as I opened my browser. According to the news, due to the war in Ukraine, food shortages and fuel price hikes will become common globally. Already fuel is about over 2 dollars a litre here!

Russia is a mass producer of wheat, and due to sanctions, the rest of the world can’t benefit from Russia’s wheat. Also, India had a failed harvest last summer, due to temperatures reaching 43 degrees Celsius. I probably haven’t got my facts straight, but it looks like the world is in for trouble.

We are being punished worldwide for our sins! Nobody who socially rejected or ostracised me has ever apologised to me, so they also cause a lot of spiritual negativity that is coming into effect now. My former high school never apologised for expelling me due to my disability, and look what happened to everybody! Punishment, both in this life, and the next!

I pray a lot of people who have offended me may say sorry to me. That is the only way they will come out of hell. I pray they may free themselves from hell, God have mercy on us all.