My destructive blog

Sometimes I have good days. Usually I have bad days. I know this doesn’t sound like much, but it does impact the way I write on my blog.

Sometimes I’m magnanimous, sometimes I’m vainglorious. I really should be trying to keep myself to myself. I do so, especially when I am out. I feel particularly unsafe on public transport. I’m sure the drivers feel that way, too.

I have not much to say on humility. Nearly all people can not implement the writings of the desert fathers onto their lives. Most people do not want to be Saints. Those that do, do not know how to be, nor can they be.

To be a Saint just involves being kind and courteous in all situations, including the ones where we are tired or stretched beyond our limit. That’s why I can not put in too many hours at my psycho-social rehabilitation facility, as the mentally ill people there often grind my gears.

If you want to give up in life, have some humility and seek treatment from the mental health system. This is not the initial piece of advice I’d give, but it is only used when the person is so severely ill that nothing can get him or her out of that depressive cycle.

I really hope the suicide rate in all countries goes down. Through the prayers of the blessed virgin, Amen.

Actually, my sore throat wasn’t so bad

My sore throat only lasted from Sunday 22/01/23 to Monday 23/01/23. Apparently my last bout with sickness was about 4 months ago. I guess I get sick 3 times a year.

Well, God is merciful. He only works with what I’ve got. I haven’t healed my body, much less my mind, which is constantly suffering from psychosis, which is masked by my medication.

I suffer from schizoaffective disorder and autism, for those of you new to my channel. Schizoaffective disorder basically means half bipolar half schizophrenia. Autism sort of means socially retarded and awkward.

I don’t act all socially retarded now, as my experiences in life have had a limited humbling effect on me.

My paypal is:

paypal.me/iakovoskriegor

if anybody wants to support me.

My spirituality

I probably will try not to waste anybody’s time, most importantly not my own. It means I will be patient, but not idle the time away. As many people can do a lot better than me in reality, especially vocationally, I will try not to inconvenience anybody.

My spirituality is humility. I choose to accept insults, rather than get angry with them. Why stand up to them? I am weak and frail.

I try to accept the memories that have plagued my mind everyday. I did a bit of introspection today. I was such a socially maladjusted person when I was young. That’s why I needed a lot of medication.

I tried to be tough when I’m actually not. I tried to be brave. I tried to get people to convert to Christianity, with no success. Now I’m a used up old man. God, have mercy on me.

A humble narcissism?

This icon is either of Jesus without His traditional cross surrounding His head, or some other Saint, prostrate in humility before God. Perhaps it is Jesus saying ‘Please, Father, take this cup from me, but not as I will, but as You will.’

You are correct. Due to other posts on my blog, I am not humble. I sometimes lash out. Sometimes I have bad days. I’m not as enlightened as mindfulness gurus such as Sadguru and Eckhart Tolle.

But I try to admire my efforts. My friend said to me recently ‘I am going towards 40, and life has not turned out the way I wanted it to.’ I replied to him, ‘Just because you are single, doesn’t mean you are of no value. Think of your good deeds, how precious they are to God. Our life is more than the money in our bank account, or the beauty of our wives, but it is about how much good we did to others. This is what we will be evaluated on at the last day.’

I currently have a sore throat, so I am quite grumpy. I’m trying to cope with it. Because I believe, if we endure sickness in life, we will not be spiritually sick in the next.

Let us suffer whatever comes from God with all humility, so we can cry out at the judgement throne ‘Lord! have mercy!’

Everything was silent…

Well, not everything is silent tonight. My parents are entertaining themselves by watching the TV.

It is the night before my depot injection of anti-psychotic. I look forward to receiving a boost of anti-psychotic to treat my schizoaffective disorder.

I also bought extra meds from the late-night pharmacy because I wanted a little extra help getting to sleep. The meds provide some sedative effect.

I wouldn’t recommend anybody to go on anti-depressants or anti-psychotics. You become dependent on them. But, only take them if you are a danger to yourself or others, and you have exhausted all other options.

But, I recommend to my friends that they learn humility. Simple humility is the patient acceptance of what life offers us, health or sickness, wealth or poverty, honours or dishonours; knowing everything comes from God. He wouldn’t allow such things to come upon you if it weren’t for your eternal benefit.

Life is tough, I know. Some people breeze through life. Others, like me, struggle.

I do try to bless the Holy Trinity, but I do learn mindfulness, so that I can forgive the memories of the traumas I’ve received.

Forgiveness is a continual process. It involves accepting what happened in the past, and blessing the situation and person who dishonoured you.

Hope this helps. God bless you all.

My paypal link is:

paypal.me/iakovoskriegor

If anybody wants to help me

My lack of purpose

The voices called me both a ‘vomiting hero’ and that I was ‘wasting everybody’s time.’ I heard the ‘vomiting hero’ voice from a clinician at a general practice, and the ‘wasting everybody’s time’ voice from a priest at a Greek church.

Thus, the demons, being voices, show me my weaknesses. They were essentially saying ‘You’re a glutton!’ and ‘stop bothering Christians at the Greek church!’ Even the demons are shocked by my sins.

Well, the more I stress out, the less I’ll eat. I suppose I can give up going to church. They weren’t nice to me at the church anyway.

Another voice said ‘he’s weird’ at one of the parks near my home. The demons must have a lot of reasons to accuse me.

Sometimes the demons speak to me. I see their malice. How they fell from heaven. How they want all of humanity to end up in hell, just to punish and torment them.

But according to some writings of the Orthodox Saints, the demons act as ‘God’s avenger.’ The demons, as well as people, can teach me a lot of humility! I should shut my mouth, and not contribute my opinion.

Turning the other cheek

In a secularized and ungodly workforce, Christians do need to stand up for themselves, unless they have obtained the mother of all virtues: humility. I will give you an explanation from the desert fathers.

A monk was in the desert. He had a small hut with a few small things. Thieves came upon him and beat him up. He prayed in the corner as they took his belongings. Then he noticed that they forgot a small flask that was left on the doorframe. So he ran after them, carrying the flask. not to ask them for his stuff back, but to say ‘hey! You forgot this!’ They were surprised by his humility and gave him his stuff back and became his disciples, saying ‘This truly is a man of God.’

This wouldn’t work for most people, as despite how much you mostly like to say it, most of you do still spit in the face of God. In fact, you mostly all spit in the face of God! The last Saint died back in the 19th century, when these holy miracles happened! So go on, stand up for yourself!

Enter hell with all humility, if only to get a reduced sentence from Jesus.

Remember me in Your kingdom!

One of my friends online succumbed to her depression and committed suicide. Eternal be her memory.

We must always have humility. That is why I practice Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. It means, I keep true to my values when being abused. Such as ‘turning the other cheek,’ and ‘understanding my neighbour.’

I do not want to go to hell like the rich man. Jesus said ‘he who endures to the end shall be saved.’ So I will keep taking medication, just to stay alive.

Oh, precious and life-saving humility! How thou maketh angels of men! Men occupy the place from which the demons fell, all because of humility!

Diary entry 21/10/22

Actually, I understand if people are afraid of me when I mention my disability. They assume ‘all schizophrenics are violent’ so they immediately shun me when they hear my diagnosis. But if you were an outcast and treated with contempt, how can you NOT be violent? Doesn’t everybody deserve respect?

Oh, I forgot what you as a society think. Everybody deserves respect. Except the mentally ill, the homeless, the disabled, the downtrodden, those who can’t stick up for themselves, etc.

If the modern person was treated with scorn and contempt wherever he went, wouldn’t he lash out or commit suicide? I am a very strong person for NOT committing suicide, despite the lack of Godly respect I receive from people often more stupid than I am!

I am also a SAINT because I simply let others walk over me, demonstrating my immense forgiveness and my perfect humility!

Anyway, enough about that. I sort of understand why people dislike the mentally ill, especially when prisons are full of them. One got executed recently for murdering his daughter while having a psychotic episode. But still, the mentally ill deserve much more respect.

You say ‘pity the jails are full.’ Well, sinner, it’s a pity HELL IS NEVER FULL.

I hope I didn’t offend anybody

I’m glad I get some traffic to my site. I am glad to all the people who subscribe to my blog.

I heard on the news about trolling in the UK. The trolling in the UK started on twitter and evolved into crimes in real life. I was so scared! I deserved something like that to happen to me, for all the good of my opinions.

I deserve a lot worse than what I get. I am glad God keeps me safe.

I am glad I live in a safe environment, and the memories of the bitter past are becoming more and more distant.

I try not to have much of an opinion. I just hope people notice the good stuff I’ve written rather than the garbage I’ve put on my blog.

God bless you all.