I am appalled

I am appalled by the world’s lack of humility. I saw on the news, one of the tennis players got booed by the crowd for an ugly confrontation. I can’t believe this. There are so many ugly confrontations like this in the world. So many rapes, so many bashings, so many murders.

And whatever for? Can’t we all settle our grievances peacefully? Sure, I may be a conqueror in the world of Civ 5, but I never express violence in the real world.

Let us all embrace humility, for without it, none shall enter the bridal chamber. Without humility, none shall enter paradise. Without humility, none shall go to heaven.

Why? As an ascetic once said ‘As Satan was bound and cast out of heaven due to his pride, so to re-enter paradise, we must have humility.’ What is humility? A craving for insults. A thirst for dishonours. Seeing dishonour as praise. And if you can’t forgive the slightest fault in those who have perpetrated evil against you, you have no humility.

Stop blaming others. Start taking responsibility and blaming yourself. If you remember your sins, God will forget them. If we accuse ourselves, God will not accuse us. But if we accuse others, God will accuse us, at that great and fearful day of judgement.

Remember James 2:17: faith without works is dead. What is a good work then? Accepting abuse from others. Forgiving those who violate our freedoms and our rights. Have the humility to accept the teaching of the Saints.

I’m a vcel, not an incel

Whenever I look up YouTube videos about Incels, I just laugh. Incel stands for involuntarily celibate, and they are very misogynistic. I always feel that they could find a relationship if they worked on their kindness levels and stopped being so bitter towards attractive women.

Personally, I don’t look at myself as an incel, but more a vcel, which I say is ‘voluntarily celibate.’ I don’t practice celibacy like a monk, but I just don’t approach women. And with good reason too. I have nothing to offer women. I have no substance to my character. I’m just a schizophrenic on a pension.

I can not make my own money, I can not drive a car, I am scared of calling emergency services. I am not brave enough to fight to protect my future girlfriend. I know all these things based on my first and only relationship. I was wasting her time.

I am not an incel, because I don’t hate women, as far as I’m aware. I bless women and men, especially people who scorn me. I accept the abuse of others, usually.

God bless all people.

I wish I had a title

My cousin and her family are over my place. They are a little loud, as my cousin’s children are very young.

We fed them pizza. They enjoyed the pizza. Gosh my sentences are short.

I wish I had a topic or a title today. I had no dreams last night that I remember or recall. So I received no divine insight or revelation.

When I encounter children, I really am thankful that I didn’t marry or have kids. Marriage and raising a family is just too stressful.

I miss the gift of the Holy Spirit. I mean, I miss when I had self-controlled mania. The last time I had that was in 2005. I lost my mind in February 2006. I personally wished my mania would never of ended. I thought of myself as ‘single for the sake of pleasing God.’ Now I realise I’m too ill to marry.

I miss my soul. I have an idea of what will happen to my soul after death. As Jesus said ‘be ye perfect, as your Father in heaven is perfect.’ I am not perfect. I can not love my enemies. But I’m getting better, with mindfulness meditation.

It takes a long time

It takes a long time to cultivate any sort of humility. But, as our conscience bears witness, we should have humility in all situations. As God is supremely humble, so we too, should be humble, at least in a minor degree.

I’m getting over the traumas of old, but sometimes, the memories of the bad things I’ve done is too much for me. As I always say ‘better he who has never sinned than he who has sinned and repented.’

I committed many embarrassing things when I was not taking medication. How did I not know that I was schizophrenic and direly afflicted? Now, I’m beginning to cultivate a shred of humility.

I wish life was laid out for me like a red carpet. But then, how would I develop as an individual? How would I make progress, that I could offer to God, as a living sacrifice?

I can barely stand up on my own two feet. Yet somehow, through medication and God’s grace, I manage to cope, with the help of my parents.

Even though I need medication, I miss the days before I had to take medication. Before 16 years old, I never knew what medication was. I never knew the side effects it would have on my body. I sincerely wished I had enough positive philosophy to cope without medication.

Maybe, in a different reality, there is a me that copes without medication. Maybe, in a parallel universe, I am working a job. Maybe I am younger. Maybe I’m more handsome. But not in this reality.

Maybe I’ll continue paying for premium

My friend recommended that I keep maintaining this blog. That friend said I have an interesting blog. I hope other people feel the same way.

Even though I have a YouTube channel, I can’t edit videos. I do better editing blogs, as they have similar tools to the stuff I learnt at primary and high school. YouTube is too advanced for me.

On my YouTube channel, my Tai Chi and Tae Kwon Do is not too good. I am glad I’ve only got trolled a few times on YouTube. It teaches me humility.

I’m learning to love everybody who I’ve ever met. Well, at least to bless those who have socially rejected or offended me. I think that is enough for humility.

Forgive, and you shall be forgiven, said the Son of God. Buddha once said ‘if you can not help anybody, at least do no harm.’ I will bless my enemies from a distance. Fortunately the medication keeps me from getting angry.

I’m glad war has not so far come to Australia. We are in the early voting stage for another federal election. I just hope the new government will continue honouring people’s freedoms and giving welfare to the disadvantaged. I just hope no new government makes me pay back the money I’ve collected from the Disability Pension.

Life is cold and lonely, and sometimes I want to overeat. But in the last 2 days I’ve been eating salads, so they have mostly been helping my mind. It gives me positive energy.

I wish my soul would look up with the eyes of faith and stop being so downcast. But maybe this trial is sent by God to teach me humility.

I really wish I didn’t consume so many resources.

More thoughts on humility

Now, if you are rotting at home on disability benefits, it may be important to have some sense of humility to endure social rejection. I myself, most of all, am enduring social rejection, because of my schizophrenia. Of course, even though I am humble beyond all, I still get the occasional slur or insult from others.

Just because a person is humble, doesn’t mean God will glorify them in this life. It means my reward will be paid in full in the next. Life is a nightmare. People are more evil than they think. But still, I endure dishonour heartily.

The world needs a great reset. Every person is punished for his or her sins, and each saint is rewarded for his or her humility and other virtues.

God bless my enemies. They make me wonder why God is keeping me alive, rather than praising God with the angels.

I’m undateable

I was watching a YouTube clip from Better Bachelor, and the presenter said he had never been happier since his divorce. He could do whatever he wanted around his house, he didn’t have to share his money with anybody, he didn’t have to go through another amicable divorce. He liked being single.

After watching that YouTube clip, I realised how much better off I am. After my ex borrowed money off me and never gave it back, I’m glad I gave her some almsgiving. As much as I miss her, I am kind of happy that she left me and got married to someone else.

But all things that happen to me in this life are God attempting to teach me humility, so that I may not judge or curse another in thought, word or deed. God is particularly good at teaching people humility. He teaches it through natural disasters, loss of loved ones, failed business exploits, mental breakdowns, foreign invasions, and everything that society would call ‘bad.’ God uses bad things to teach us humility, so we’d stop spitting in God’s face.

Each time we sin, we spit in God’s face, we dishonour him on that cross. I worried one time that each sin I committed increased Christ’s torment in hell. Such was my zeal, before my mental breakdown! I wish I could stop sinning! But my heart is not right with God, as much as I’m more humble than 16 years ago.

But, my friends, please pursue humility. You will be glad you did on your deathbed. You will be glad you cultivated love for God and neighbour in heaven.

More on humility

Today is Sunday, otherwise known as church day. I probably won’t go to church, even though I got up early enough in the morning.

The buddha said ‘if you can’t help anyone, at least don’t hurt anyone.’ I might as well later on go and pick up rubbish and put it in the bin. I feel like a thoroughly useless individual.

I possibly have vulnerable narcissism, which means I bottle up a lot of hatred and am hypersensitive to criticism. As I advocate humility, I probably myself am not fully humble. I feel like a tortured soul.

Humility doesn’t come easily for me. As I didn’t join the Orthodox church from a young age, I had no spiritual director to direct me in the ways of humility.

I think, as much as I tell otherwise, that the Orthodox have a lot of humility. It takes a lot of humility to work a 9 to 5. I don’t even put in the effort to find work, so I am a slothful, sinful individual.

But I suppose nobody wants a schizophrenic working for them. That further makes me wish I were humble.

Humility is the patient acceptance of all the unfavourable situations in life, with thanksgiving to God, as God is trying to resurrect our soul from the dead. Maybe that is the best I can say on humility.

Humility, the path unto rest

I have ranted and raved on this blog before. I do have outbursts of emotion sometimes, particularly when on lower doses of medication. I wish more people would be my friend, stick up for me, and generally comfort me during a psychotic episode.

But it is too much to ask. If the world were more repentant, mental illness wouldn’t exist. I wouldn’t have to suffer. But I need mental illness, so I’d know what mental wellness might look like, if I ever get there.

We need bad times to appreciate the good times. We need suffering to appreciate when we feel good. We need mental illness to appreciate the times when we are not mentally ill. This is wisdom from the Tao Te Ching, or the Holy book of Taoism. Although I am a Christian, certain aspects of me respect the wisdom found in Taoism and Buddhism.

Light can not exist without darkness. Perfection can not exist without imperfection. That is why the devil fell, so us humans would appreciate perfect times, as much as true perfection doesn’t exist in this lifetime.

If God gave us everything we wanted, and took away all evil in the world, then we’d all become little Lucifers, because we’d all become ungrateful and proud.

So, you want perfection so perfect that you never would become proud? But did you earn that perfection? Did you make use of the gifts God gave you to achieve perfection? God needs us to grow up, not to become soulless automatons with no free will.

Sorry, my bloggers, I’m going all over the place. Maybe I do feel a little manic. It has been 22 days since my last injection of anti-psychotic, and I drank too much coffee. I don’t know when I’ll go to sleep tonight.

God bless you all. May you all enjoy the journey of life, despite how bad it feels, for a little season.

Oh! The humanity!

When I look at the news, there is not even the slightest trace of humility in either the media or the subjects of the media. Oh! What satanic pride! How far has man fallen! Nobody can wake up mankind from its spiritual slumber! Nobody can convince him to repent and amend his ways! This is the worm which dies not, and the fire that is never quenched!

What is the point of life without humility? Humility makes the soul ride upon the wings and lifts the courageous soul up boldly towards God! But nobody wants to be humble. Pride is worshipped, satanic pride! As Satan was bound and cast out from heaven due to his pride, so to re-enter paradise, we must have humility.

Nobody except me apologizes to his inferior, they all think highly of themselves. Whether Christian or not, all have the satanic energy of pride. Nobody regards me, even though I’m more humble than all! I have all the virtues, since I have humility! And people still scorn me!

I would advise humanity to repent and come off the wide road that leads to perdition, but it will not! Even in hell, people won’t repent. They gnash their teeth in anger at the triune God, and whatever for? They could of made themselves righteous in this life, to be spared torment in the next!

Repent, before the gate of mercy closes on you.