The loss of sanity

I really wish the Holy Spirit never left me. I’ve endured too much as a mentally ill person. Why is it so difficult for me to make new friends?

I wish I could of achieved some form of sanctity, like a Saint. Alas, I think I am better than everybody else, but such is not the case.

I burn, at least in my calves and heels. I do not burn with passion to do anything. A new age guru said on YouTube to have imagination. What we imagine, we create.

I wish I had stronger legs, so I could stand up to work. I wish my legs would be healed, so I could stand up for a long time in church.

Life teaches me humility.


Ukraine, no Mykraine

First, Australia had the bushfires. Then the pandemic. Then potential threat of China. Now, Ukraine has been invaded by the Russians. What torment will Jesus Christ send next, to attempt to lead humanity back to remembrance of God?

We need to be chastised, both individually and as nations, so we as a society learn to choose the good and resist and reject the evil. Both Christian and atheist alike need chastisement, as both are evil in different ways. One is hypocritical, the other is honest in its immorality.

Life has become a nightmare, and my sins have contributed to it. I can confess to a priest and apologize to God, but my debt to God has not been erased, and likewise, my friends, family and myself, as well as my nation suffer because of my sins.

I think I’m a Saint, but that might be a symptom of my vulnerable narcissism. I wish I could apologize, but an apology is not good enough, I need to perfectly repent. Lord, have mercy on me and the human race!

I don’t think, in the weakness of my psychology, that I can fully repent. The church doesn’t allow me to receive holy communion, thereby allowing me to be healed somewhat by God’s grace. I think, when the end of the world comes, my time is up. Maybe my almsgiving will give me some relief in hell.