If you are worried about hell

As a person with serious mental illness and hallucinations, I worry about the spiritual realm, the unseen realm. When I had hallucinations back in 2017, I believed a police officer was watching me, waiting for me to confess a crime before taking me off to prison. As I had Electro-Convulsive Therapy, he disappeared, and I have not seen that person since.

In my experience with church literature, such an apparition could be considered a demon. Be advised, I’m not a theologian or priest, I never went to an orthodox seminary, so my beliefs and opinions might not be credible. But now, after a lot of contemplation, I have some words of scripture for others to meditate on.

In orthodoxy, one of the comforting things is that, whether we are good or bad, we all go to the same place. What I mean by the same place is the presence of God. (Psalm 139:8: If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in sheol, You are there.) God loves everybody, good and bad, pious and impious, prostitutes and chaste, angels and demons, God shines forth his love on all. (Matthew 5:45: For He makes the sun to rise on the good and the evil, and sends rain on the just and the unjust.)

What is comforting is that, no matter what, God will always be beside me and every one of us. (Romans 8:38-39:  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.)

The bad thing is; not everybody experiences God’s love in the same way. For those who love God, His love is like light and warmth. For those who hate God, and close their eyes against Him, His love is like an all consuming fire. (Hebrews 12:29: for our God is a consuming fire.) Another verse, when interpreted according to writings of the Holy Fathers, also illustrates this reality. (1 Corinthians 3:15: If it is burned up, the builder will suffer loss but yet will be saved–even though only as one escaping through the flames.) This means that the builder is the soul, and escaping through flames means that He is being tormented in the fire of God’s love.

So rest assured, if you are a sinner, you will go to heaven, but you won’t enjoy it. I once said to my spiritual father, questioning if I had any heresy in me, said to him, ‘Is it true that there are no bars around hell; sinners can leave anytime they want, but why would they want to?’ He answered, ‘Yes, certainly there is no repentance after death.’ To further prove this reality, I will quote Matthew 13:42 (the weeping and gnashing of teeth.) Why does Jesus use weeping and gnashing of teeth to describe the state of the souls in perdition? I don’t know what the weeping means, but gnashing of teeth means the sheer anger of those in hell, which is directed at God.

Remember all of God’s qualities; love, humility, chastity, temperance, righteousness, justice, integrity, joy, and so forth. Love is evil for the hateful. Humility is evil for the proud. Temperance is evil for the glutton. Righteousness is evil for the wicked. Justice is evil for the unjust. Integrity is evil for the unscrupulous. Joy is evil for the ungrateful. So therefore, God’s goodness is evil for the bad sinner.

In my opinion, if you are worried about the state of your soul after death, you are on the right track back to God. You at least recognize your need to repent. Don’t be too hard on yourself. God will eventually give you the tools for repentance. By the insults and dishonors given by others, your soul will learn humility. By being made to wait for God’s good gifts, you learn patience. By worrying about your soul, you will eventually obtain your soul’s salvation. (Romans 8:28: for we know that all things work together for good for those who love him.) So please, my dear friends, do not lose sleep or develop a mental illness worrying about hell.

I hate this place

In my mind, this reality is a prison. My house is a prison. My life is a prison. My eternity is going to be a prison. I rue the day I was created.

God created every one of us to exist eternally, but I am a rebellious angel, and I have no desire to exist in God’s presence. I truly am in a miserable place. I once discoursed with my minister that if I were the first man created in the garden of eden, I wouldn’t even require the serpent’s provocation to rebel against God. I would be shaping an ax from the bark of the tree of life and hacking and slashing the vegetation and the animals in the garden with me.

I hate this place. This zoo, this prison, this reality or whatever you want to call it. It’s the smell.

AgentSmithmeme

God indeed is life, and He deigns all of us to exist eternally, but not everybody wants to exist eternally. Not every angel or human wants to encounter the reality of God, which will become apparent after we die.

I’ve seen so much suffering in this life, both of myself and of other people around me. God already forgives everybody, but will we be able to forgive ourselves?

Death is inevitable. Encountering the spiritual realities of the afterlife is inevitable. Are we ready?

agentsmithinevitable

Purpose in life

In this world, we all have a God-given purpose. We may like it, we may not, but ultimately God determines our destiny. I am not a believer in predestination, but I believe that we must cooperate with God’s grace in order to achieve our purpose in life.

But are we doing what God wants in our life, or are we doing our own will, or even worse; saying we are doing God’s will but really doing our own will?

Take me for example. When I read into the bible, I misinterpreted many concepts, as I never had a director in the spiritual things. I interpreted the great commission for the apostles upon Jesus’s resurrection as applicable to me, meaning I had to go and preach the gospel to strangers. This was an error on my part, as living my life for God could prove as obedience to God’s will.

Street preaching is not for everybody, and certainly not for me. I thought my purpose was evangelism. But since I’ve been on better medication and hence joined the Orthodox Church, I have found new direction in my life.

Many of the protestant denominations are evangelical, as in they will go into the community to seek out new members. The Orthodox church is monastic and ascetic, meaning it leads by example, and those most shining spiritual examples are the monks, priests, bishops, nuns and hermits of our holy faith.

So, instead of talking about the bible, serving my parents is my evangelism. Going to confession is my evangelism. Working at my volunteer work is my evangelism. So I have found new direction in life.

The people of this world usually will not want to hear a street preacher approach them and introduce them to the gospel. But there is a remnant of people like myself who are trying to find the truth, and yearn to find truth. I hope a member of the Orthodox church can lead even me to the truth.