A musing of Mr Keai

Life is a struggle. I do not think it will get any easier. The Lord taught His disciples how to pray. Jesus gives us tough lessons.

Life is meant to be challenging. We do not have problems, we only have continual challenges. But sometimes our challenges feel like hardships. I wish it were not so.

Now to cope with life, you must have patience. Practice yoga or tai chi, or mindfulness or deep breathing or gentle stretches. Even though I practice these, I do not feel any better.

We must try to forgive, even just a little. Therefore, try to view enemies from the perspective of someone else. Other people’s battles are irrelevant to those not suffering them. Try to take on the larger perspective. Try not to get upset.

To be bible believing, we must forgive, as Jesus said ‘forgive, so your heavenly father may in turn forgive you.’ Jesus also said ‘love your enemies.’ So we must try to apply as much of the bible to our lives. Our sins are massive compared to the faults others have inflicted on us.

Try to find some purpose to your life. Write. Draw. Do yoga. Meditate. Whatever feels good. Jesus will try to show us mercy, but only if we obey Him. Jesus said ‘If you love me, keep my commandments.’ Jesus also said ‘Be ye perfect, as your Father in heaven is perfect.’ Jesus interceded for His enemies on the cross, saying ‘Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.’


The substance of humility

I would say the substance of humility is complete and total forgiveness of others, which is ongoing. Others may disagree, but it is true in my case.

I learnt how to temporarily forgive last night. It didn’t do much for me. But, for that time, at least I’m not holding onto resentment.

I hope my friends can find it in themselves to learn how to forgive. It is a great release. But honestly, life goes on, and we still find ourselves in the rut of depression.

I guess life isn’t so bad after all. I am forgiving more and more each day. But forgiveness of others isn’t heaven, it just means you no longer shout at the walls in your home in anger.

Well, I stopped doing that yesterday. But my anger may come back. I’m not sure.

God bless us all.

Using the law of attraction

Well, I did some exercise to make myself feel better. It was gentle stretching and tai chi, with some push ups. It reminded me a lot of how I was abused frequently in martial arts classes. Those instructors had a lot of negative energy.

So when I tried to do a mindfulness meditation afterwards, I was thinking back to the trauma in my life and shouting at the walls, when I was supposed to be meditating! But I will go back and try again later tonight.

I shout at the walls, because that is a symptom of my psychosis. I relive the trauma of what happened in the past. Yes, I know I can’t change the past, and I know I have to forgive, but even though I’ve forgiven, the memories still traumatize me.

I do believe in the law of attraction, because I’m not a very faithful Christian. I believe that our thoughts influence our reality.

I do try to be especially nice to others, as I believe it will give my soul relief in the eternal fire.

I can not fathom the reality of hell, or its eternity. How the pain lasts forever.

Jesus said ‘forgive, and you shall be forgiven.’ So I am using law of attraction and mindfulness meditations to remind myself to always forgive.

With memories floating through my mind, forgiveness is not a one-time event, but a continual process. At other days, I’ll be better at forgiving. Other times, worse. But nonetheless, I must continue fighting to save my soul.

On pretence

Yes, I am pretentious. I do not do what is right in the eyes of the Lord.

Jesus said, on commenting on the behaviour of the Pharisees, ‘they for a pretence make long prayers, and for this they shall obtain a greater condemnation.’ Even when I am sick, I’m not humbled.

I wish I wasn’t a burden on society. I wish I could work, so I could pay taxes back to the government for its great generosity towards me. But all I can do is pray.

I am consuming resources, and yet God gives more grace and love, through the love of family and friends. I wish I could bless my enemies as well!

I am sick now. I’ve had a sore throat for roughly 3 days, now I have to blow my nose often.

I ask God to be merciful to me, and indeed He is, He gives sickness in order to cure me of my pride. And I never repent! Lord, help me!

I would ask to be sick more often, so I would run into the Lord’s arms and find His forgiveness!

Oh well.

God bless

I suppose ‘God bless’ is a general form of blessing. Some atheists don’t like it. Others dismiss it.

It is sad when a society hates God so much that it can’t bear the mention of God’s name. God is the source of all morals and good. Why do we all act with such pretense?

People have to learn to distinguish between God Himself and hypocrites. God is all good. It’s just the church that gives a bad name to God.

I apologize for the Orthodox church’s sins. I apologize for them placing themselves on a pedestal, while not reaching out to the distressed and lonely. I pray you forgive them.

I pray you forgive me and the church I represent.


When God said to St Peter to forgive 77 times 7 he meant an unlimited amount. Our forgiveness should be limitless.

God forgives everybody, the souls in hell, and the demons. But they’d rather not be forgiven. That is precisely why God’s love burns them. For those who love God, His light is like light, and warmth. For those who hate God, and close their eyes against Him, His love is like an all-consuming fire.

The demons can’t understand why God still loves them. And it is precisely this that enrages them. They wish to destroy us, because we are the epitome of God’s creation. I don’t know too much of the theology surrounding why demons want to destroy us, so I will not comment further.

Please forgive me for consuming resources. Please forgive me for having an opinion. Please forgive me for not keeping myself to myself.

Dedicated to an unknown friend

As it says in the Psalms, ‘Be still, and know that I, am God.’ In the book titled, ‘Unseen Warfare,’ it says Jesus is always beside us, especially when we call out to Him with eyes of faith. It is very difficult not to despair when we have mental illness.

You are not your mistakes. You are not the negative experiences that happened in your past. Life is a dream. The bad things that happened to you in your childhood are not real. Try not to identify with your traumas. Nothing is real, except God.

God is the kindest thing that exists. God looks upon you with exceedingly great love and compassion. God will continue having mercy upon you, even in sheol. God loves you even beyond death.

What we experience in the next life is the sum total of anger and resentment we have in our hearts. As we forgive, so are we forgiven. But remember, the evil that the world does to you actually doesn’t exist. It is all just a dream that you wake up from in eternity.

Love your enemies

Yes, I do confess that I can’t love my enemies, I am often snide and impudent. But sometimes the grace of God makes me remember my sins, but not too often, as I chase away the love of God through my pride.

I used to be on a messaging software called qq. It is a Chinese messaging software. In group chat, usually when someone insulted me, I’d say ‘God bless you,’ after Jesus’s commandment to ‘bless those that curse you,’ in His sermon on the mount. But one guy kept saying that I didn’t need to take anti-psychotics, so I got annoyed with that.

We must talk about the gift of forgiveness. God forgives each and every one of us, whether we want it or not. But usually, people won’t forgive each other. I tell a lady that I asked her pastor if she could get a job as a leader in her church and she says that I just wanted to be nosey! I implored her forgiveness, because usually, I rebuke her, but I was trying to be humble, to help me get through the 20th aerial toll house (the toll house of unmercifulness).

A lot of people won’t forgive me, even for just being a schizophrenic on a pension. They interpret it as something unclean. Usually men and women from my old high school would conversation wall me on Facebook. That’s why I no longer have Facebook, because of the profound lack of respect I get from other people.

But loving enemies will give you some relief in the next life. It may take you out of the lake of fire! People can’t even love their family members, yet Jesus is expecting us to love our enemies! I pray God may have mercy on me, to at least love my family, friends, and if at all possible, those that irritate me. Lord have mercy.

Masturbation, the futility of despair

There was once a handsome gentleman called James. He was in love with a beautiful woman named Audrey. She had beautiful long black hair, and she was perfect in beauty and holiness. They agreed they would not have sex before marriage. So they existed together in perfect communion and bliss.

But one day, James met another girl called Luxifu. She was not as beautiful as Audrey, but she was sexy and hot, and seduced James to lie with her. After he had committed this wicked act, he rushed towards Audrey, and falling on his knees, said ‘Audrey! I have played the harlot with another woman, I am no longer worthy to be your fiance. But please, have mercy on me, and through your prayers grant me the strength to resist this evil woman who has seduced me.’ Audrey, without losing her cool, said ‘I forgive you, go your way sin no more.’

No sooner had he said these awe-inspiring words, and deleted Luxifu’s number out of his contact list, that Luxifu met him in the back alley, and used her erotic charm to seduce him once again. He lied with her again, and then she mysteriously left. But he remembered Audrey, and this awful sin he committed against her, and so phoned her and said ‘I have sinned this great sin again, I am no longer worthy to be called your servant.’ And Audrey said ‘I will pray for you, that you be no longer tormented by her.’

After Audrey and James’s reconciliation, as he was walking along the street, Luxifu appeared to James. James recoiled in horror, and told her ‘Get away from me! I already have a fiancee!’ Luxifu said ‘You can not resist me. Come with me, and let us take our share of love on the bed of your house.’ So he committed adultery yet again. Yet afterward he would always come back to Audrey, weeping, and beg her forgiveness. This behavior happened not for one or two years, but for more than ten years.

After all this, James ran back to Audrey, asking her forgiveness. And just as he was about to ask Audrey’s forgiveness, Luxifu came into the room, and began to beat James severely. As he was lying on the ground, black and blue, she turned to Audrey and said ‘What will become of the two of us, Shangdi Audrey? Your mercy and compassion takes the ground I have gained in this man’s soul. Why don’t you just burn him up? He has cheated on you for 10 years, yet you still love and adore him.’

‘In what way can you be called a just judge, Audrey? While I was cast out of heaven for a little breach of pride, to this man, a fornicator, sodomite and prodigal, you calmly show your sympathy and kindness. For as I see it, you receive individual people with great kindness, but ignore justice in general.’ Luxifu was fuming with rage and contempt, while a black flame poured from her nostrils.

Audrey then spoke back to Luxifu. ‘Oh all cunning and ruinous dragon, are you not yet satisfied with your destructive desire to gobble up the whole world? Can you, by making him sin, tip the scales of justice against the blood I shed on the cross? Behold my murder and my death, which I endured because I love this man.’

‘You, when you seduce him, never turn him away or cause him to repent. So likewise, I, who counselled my beloved friend Peter to forgive 77 times 7, neither turn him away, nor shun his prayers, or his pleas for my mercy.’

‘We have heard all that you say, oh seducer, that I am not just. On the contrary, I am just beyond all. In whatever state I find a man, there I will judge him. See James’s repentance, which he has shown towards me, entreating my forgiveness, and thereby having conquered you. He never lost his love for me, despite your seductions, for which he is honoured. As for you, may your hate be shred to pieces and you disgraced.’

Suddenly Luxifu started to burn, burn with unbelievable heat, which devoured her, until she exploded. Audrey touched James, lifted him up, and healed his wounds. Then they got married, and James was never unfaithful to Audrey again.