5 days before Christmas

I am 29 years old and on a high dose of anti-psychotic medication. I try to keep my faith alive in Christ, but although my fear of hell is not lessening, I surely am driven to despair.

I judge my neighbor. I bear hatred and resentment against most who have ever offended me. I do not do the works of righteousness, even much less than many people. I pray God will deliver me.

God has shown me in life, that even after death, we still exist. He has created all humans for eternity, to populate His Kingdom, regardless of whether we like it or not.

Life is continual. The state we are in when we die is the state we will be in in eternity. So, if we hate our relative at the point of death, then we will burn forever in our own hatreds.

God has given each of us enough time to repent, to read the bible, to do the works fitting of righteousness. While some are like me, and despair, we are given such trials to make us stronger.

Thank you to all my friends and family who have supported me throughout the years. They know who they are.

Pray for me. God bless you.

I hate this place

In my mind, this reality is a prison. My house is a prison. My life is a prison. My eternity is going to be a prison. I rue the day I was created.

God created every one of us to exist eternally, but I am a rebellious angel, and I have no desire to exist in God’s presence. I truly am in a miserable place. I once discoursed with my minister that if I were the first man created in the garden of eden, I wouldn’t even require the serpent’s provocation to rebel against God. I would be shaping an ax from the bark of the tree of life and hacking and slashing the vegetation and the animals in the garden with me.

I hate this place. This zoo, this prison, this reality or whatever you want to call it. It’s the smell.

AgentSmithmeme

God indeed is life, and He deigns all of us to exist eternally, but not everybody wants to exist eternally. Not every angel or human wants to encounter the reality of God, which will become apparent after we die.

I’ve seen so much suffering in this life, both of myself and of other people around me. God already forgives everybody, but will we be able to forgive ourselves?

Death is inevitable. Encountering the spiritual realities of the afterlife is inevitable. Are we ready?

agentsmithinevitable