Today was a good Sunday. I thought I was going to get beaten by mum for not helping with the cooking, but mum reassured me and took me out to sushi. The sushi was nice! I paid for the sushi. Wasn’t too expensive.
I worry too much about life. I worry about what others may think of me. I can not get to sleep without anti-psychotics. It is a perilous cycle.
I wish I had achieved more in life. But I’m waiting for the end of the world. I am hoping I just get blown to oblivion by a nuclear bomb blast. But maybe God is merciful.
I’m waiting for the end. Or at least the end of my life. I’ve been consuming a lot of resources. And whatever for? Because I have to take meds which increase my appetite, which in turn increase the amount of money I spend on food.
Usually, I do not believe in the end of the world. Even if the Orthodox version of eschatology were true, I’m sure there will always be people interested in Christianity who would be the salt of the earth. Just Christianity would take different forms.
At this moment, I do not believe that the world will end, not for a few million years or so. God loves His creation. Though I’m not a biblical expert.
I do believe in the end of the universe, though. Call it the big crunch, call it heat death, it doesn’t matter anyway. All of us would of found new universes to go to in a couple of billion years time. Maybe we would of been able to form new universes through black holes and singularity technology from the far future.
I think humanity will live. I think humanity will progress. Christianity may go extinct, but we will survive in this universe.
The universe is vast. I wish I lived in an era when we could explore the stars. Earth is so boring.
I always used to watch Star Trek and Stargate as a child. I don’t miss those shows. I miss the times when I wasn’t mentally ill. Oh well, guess that is the way the cookie crumbles.
I had my depot injection today. The doctor told me to look on the bright side of life.
But to be honest with you, on pertaining to the title, I couldn’t survive the reign of the anti-christ. Even had I received the mark, I’d probably be killed for being a sheer waste of space.
I am a coward. I actually have no virtue, but I call myself a Saint, because I can not cope with the outcome of my life. Yes, as my support worker says, I have no manliness. But I am so depressed, at least I haven’t committed suicide yet.
But I can not endure persecution. I’d just submit to the enemies of Christ. I personally am quite upset with Christ for giving me mental illness. Therefore I’d submit to the anti-christ, because I am too weak to cope with anything.
That is mental illness, oh world. I pray none of you reading this blog get schizophrenia.
I didn’t want to renew my subscription to WordPress, as my blog wasn’t getting noticed. I think I will lose my premium membership in May or June, can’t remember which month.
As much as I’ve enjoyed writing blogs, I believe my writings have no value to the community, as I haven’t really lived my life at all.
I try to live an Orthodox life, as a form of Christian Bushido. Bushido is a Japanese concept, where the samurai would choose to die, whenever there was a choice between saving his life by submitting to the enemy, or dying to defend his Lord. I would choose death whenever I came to that point, as I am effectively useless to society. So I would choose euthanasia over life. Or, if I was in a concentration camp where I was overworked and overtired, I’d jump off a cliff, if one was nearby.
Life is too nightmarish. I’ve been trying to improve my fitness, for that day when Australia or a power that occupies Australia would send me to a concentration camp, because I’m a burden on society. Maybe the fitter I am, mentally and physically, the longer I’d survive in a concentration camp.
First, Australia had the bushfires. Then the pandemic. Then potential threat of China. Now, Ukraine has been invaded by the Russians. What torment will Jesus Christ send next, to attempt to lead humanity back to remembrance of God?
We need to be chastised, both individually and as nations, so we as a society learn to choose the good and resist and reject the evil. Both Christian and atheist alike need chastisement, as both are evil in different ways. One is hypocritical, the other is honest in its immorality.
Life has become a nightmare, and my sins have contributed to it. I can confess to a priest and apologize to God, but my debt to God has not been erased, and likewise, my friends, family and myself, as well as my nation suffer because of my sins.
I think I’m a Saint, but that might be a symptom of my vulnerable narcissism. I wish I could apologize, but an apology is not good enough, I need to perfectly repent. Lord, have mercy on me and the human race!
I don’t think, in the weakness of my psychology, that I can fully repent. The church doesn’t allow me to receive holy communion, thereby allowing me to be healed somewhat by God’s grace. I think, when the end of the world comes, my time is up. Maybe my almsgiving will give me some relief in hell.
Russia has invaded Ukraine! I can’t believe it! They are practically the same race and people, why kill each other? This is the destructiveness of communism, where a nation is turned against its people.
I had a bad dream last night, or several, during the night. I suffered indigestion at 4am in the morning, and I dreamt I was married to the wrong lady, that my qq had been deleted by the Chinese, and that I was in a borderlands 2 simulated reality.
I play borderlands a little. About 2 hours a day if any at all. I don’t play computer games 8 hours a day like I used to. Perhaps this is due to the lack of enjoyment that I experience as part of my schizophrenia.
I still can’t believe there is a war going on. Why doesn’t America step in? Why didn’t America subjugate North Korea, and release all the captive Christians? Maybe it is because America is not ready for a World War.
According to Orthodoxy, there will be the third world war, then the Anti-Christ will come. I most certainly will bow down to him, because I have no hope in Jesus, and to save my own skin. God help us.
Our sins as a human race has become so great, that the world is beginning to fall apart. Lord, may I not live to see the end. Amen.
I haven’t been writing diary entries for a while. I suppose it is a mild update on my life.
I believe my heart rate is too fast because I have too much anxiety. God bless my enemies. Today is good Friday for Catholicism. God bless those who insult me.
Man, I seem to be forgetting what year it is. This is the year after the apocalypse of COVID. A simple flu, costing the world economy billions of dollars. And I have no way of helping the Australian Government get back on its feet!
Centrelink has done quite a bit for me, after the support of my parents. I can’t even live my life worthily for the God who died for me, Jesus Christ! I regret every consuming titanic amounts of resources. Maybe the government will torture and put me away. Then God will condemn me. He is just to do so. Amen.
Well, it is getting cooler. My cat Dante hopped on my bed while I was writing this diary entry. He must feel cold. Hope he feels as blessed by my presence as I do by his.
My support worker will come over. I wonder what we will do today.