Got those boogie blues

I am here playing a 1st grade piece. It is fairly simple. I used to play this song when I was better in 2005. Now in 2022 I am revisiting it, 17 years later. Boy, a lot has changed in 17 years.

In 2005, I was 60kg and a cadet. Now I’m a person who lives on the Disability Support Pension, because I can’t cope with life. Life feels very unreal to me, due to my hallucinations and delusions.

I guess, even from a young age, I knew I’d end up having no hope. I had a courage failure in 2006 when I broke down and had to be rushed to hospital. Now, I’m a broken man.

Andantino

I have the ability to play the piano.

What I can perform, I usually show it on YouTube, within the context of a person on medication, to show others that people with disabilities can have some skills, too.

God bless all the people who view my blogsite.

I pray for the world, and the stability of its empires.

Disabilities

The feels. Most of the time, I hurt in the feels.

I struggle to make new friends, because I receive social rejection once people find out I’m a schizophrenic on a pension.

So, life is boring. It’s 2 days away from my mandatory government injection of anti-psychotic medication.

Pretty dismal…

Oh well…

I was speechless

Today, a Chinese lady asked me where the post office was at garden city. I sort of lost my ability to speak English properly, so I just said ‘if you go over there, you can find something to direct you,’ when I should of said ‘if you walk 30m in that direction, you can find a store directory.’ I completely forgot the world for store directory!

I was walking on the left side of the shopping mall corridor going back to the car, and an Asian girl came out from the toilet. I had to stop and apologize for taking up space, and she walked around me. I felt so embarrassed!

I’m not used to dealing with people, even really cute ones, because I have no self esteem. All I do is take my medication, do what I got to do that day, then go home and play video games. Meeting new people is really difficult for me!

Having autism spectrum disorder doesn’t help, as I would forget how to say basic English words that I hadn’t used for a while. My autism doesn’t give me much freedom to plan what I’m going to say in a short amount of time.

I do not think I will grow more confident and free thinking. My mind is very closed, and I’m only used to people I know quite well. I don’t make new friends easily!