Diary entries 17/06/21 to 23/06/21

17/06/21

I had a haircut today. I feel like a new man. My mom says I look 5 years younger.

Behold, I always practice diary writing to ensure my writing is always neat. Doctor’s writing is usually ineligible. Wow, if I’m not careful, my writing may be just as bad.

I introduced some Chinese people on qq to my WordPress. Hope it produces more traffic for my site.

22/06/21

Here I am, writing a diary entry at 9am in the morning. I slept very well last night, apart from having to get up every 5 hours to go to the toilet.

Yesterday was quite boring. I did art therapy and social tennis. I didn’t make a new friend.

23/06/21

Wow, it isn’t even 2022 yet. It is still 2021. I had bad dreams last night, in places that were far away earth-like realities. I woke up at 4am today, then went back to bed at 7am and slept for a long time after that. Coffee is affecting my sleep.

Diary entries 14/06/21 to 16/06/21

I want to re-commit to diary writing. I have left it off for over a year now.

14/06/21

Well, this is the 2nd journal I’m going through. I need to throw out this diary eventually too.

I surmise that Eckhart Tolle just believes in Jesus Christ as just a good man. Protestants and Orthodox alike would be furious at him for denying the Trinity. But they’d get furious at him and others for the most inconsequential of reasons. In my opinion, Jesus is God. But who knows, maybe tomorrow I’ll deny Him.

15/06/21

I had a dream about hell last night. But I wasn’t in the deepest levels of hell, but the uppermost levels of hell, closest to God.

Maybe I’m not as bad as I surmise.

16/06/21

It is a day before I get a haircut. I also wonder whether I can get the Covid vaccine at my GP.

My life is long and arduous, even though I’m on the disability pension, with no obligation to look for work.

I just hope that today, as I go out, I can make a new friend. God bless me.

Taking a bus

A big tough bus driver was angry with some kids on the bus, because they didn’t pay their fare. I know it was their fault, but most bus drivers are quite nice, and won’t argue if the person doesn’t have the correct fare.

My mental health was good, today. When I went to a protestant church today, I decided to cultivate the virtue of humility. I endured the limited social rejection by other people. Fortunately, a doctor, the pastor, and a Chinese lady said hi to me. I felt better.

Life isn’t so depressing when you have friends. But I have no discipline. I do not believe my life has a purpose. Well, at least one that I can get paid for. But my little activities add meaning to my life.

Such as this blog, for example. And the fact that I pray from an Orthodox prayer book. Sometimes I can feel better by helping a stranger, or even talking to them.

One time, a Korean lady didn’t know how to purchase a ticket from the ticket machine, so I helped her out. Her English was quite good. So she thanked me. I went on my way.

My birthday is coming up. Hopefully I can have a party with my family and friends. God bless everybody on Earth.

No, my website is not successful

I have nothing to market, nothing to offer. I wish I had a skill, but my skill is being disabled. I do pray a lot, but anybody can utter words to God.

I pray for the souls of the dead, that they may rest in peace. I hope, in my effort and kindness, that I may be shown mercy and kindness on that great and fearful day of judgement.

I try to do God’s will, but I stumble so many times. I am bruised from my stumblings. I didn’t go to church tonight. It was raining heavily, and I had a nap after coming home with dinner, because I didn’t have any caffeine.

I wish grace, mercy and peace for everybody in my qq friend list. If you are reading this blog, I pray you have good mental health, all the days of your life.

The day after my depot and flu shot…

This screenshot is taken from a mod of Civilisation 4 Beyond the Sword called Caveman to Cosmos. I enjoy playing this mod most of all, there is so much variety of unit types. Currently, this game takes place in the Prehistoric Age, yet the military units are just so beautiful to watch.

I had my flu shot and injection of anti-psychotic yesterday. I slept a lot today. The body’s reaction to the flu shot is meant to make you really tired. I didn’t sleep early, but I did have a long nap after today’s activities.

Life isn’t so bad for a schizophrenic who is on medication without too many side effects. I’m getting slightly better at meditation. I am becoming a better person each day.

My WordPress is unpopular

Sigh. I wish I had more wisdom to share. I am running out of ideas. Nothing original happens to me during the day, when I take a bus out to the library.

Today, a baby looked at me in a local café. I said to the mom that her baby was very cute. I spoke Chinese to the mom for a little bit. I communicated my own fears of having a child, if I had a partner.

Then I talked to the lady at the newsagent in Chinese. She smiled at me.

Then I sat down in the local library. A little kid came and sat opposite to me. I thought kids were afraid of big 124kg yetis! Maybe I have a halo around my yeti head.

Then I went home, and then dad took me to my cousin’s house. I played with their 3 cats and 2 dogs. I love the cats.

God bless you all!

Another dismal day

If you look for Mr Ke ai on YouTube, you’ll be able to find me. I only have about 1 500 views for all my videos on YouTube. I don’t edit my videos. I am too disabled to learn many new things, such as video editing in YouTube studio. I mostly have videos of me sparring my friend and doing light exercise, such as tai chi and gentle stretching.

But today was mostly dismal, until I managed to buy an Ice Break at 5:30pm. I felt really good after that! Such a fantastic drug! It is coffee milk, with lots of sugar. I most likely will go to bed around 2am.

But overall, life is pretty boring, I have very little structure surrounding my day. I am glad medication helps me sleep. Even though two of the nurses who give me injections of Invega Sustenna have both said the needle is too big, I’m still willing to take the 150mg depot, just so I can sleep well at night. It also lessens my libido, too.

Overall, life is pretty boring. I have no topic. I will play some games. Maybe I will do clothes washing tomorrow. Bye.

Life is dismal part 2

I went out with my support worker and read ‘God is good for you’ by Greg Sheridan. I read one of the chapters which talk about the Pentecostal movement in Melbourne. I thought the female youth pastor was secretly narcissistic. Nobody is a true pastor, not even in the Orthodox Church.

Shout out to that person who rang me and told me she viewed my blog. I’m grateful somebody cares.

One day I may delete my blog. It was a financial flop. I only spent 120 dollars on it, but it was still a waste.

Life is not so much a nightmare as much as it is boring. Then again, when your negative thoughts attack you so much when you are doing nothing, boredom can be a nightmare.

Diary entries 5/5/21 to 13/5/21

I am a sub-five human, so as far as everybody else is concerned, I have never had a girlfriend. It’s better that way.

5/5/21

The Russian Orthodox Church gave me 2 things; my mum and my doctor. So I shouldn’t leave the church just yet.

Life is a struggle now. When I was manic before my first psychotic episode in 2006, life was beautiful. Now, everything is a struggle. Just waking up in the morning is a struggle. Now, I am dishonoured, rather than praised. May life get better.

6/5/21

I managed to stand up for 36 minutes doing gentle stretches and qi gong on a 3 shot cup of coffee. My mom said to me on the 4th of may ‘May the forth be with you.’ That was a funny joke.

I wish I could play borderlands 1 again. I dislike Borderlands 2.

13/5/21

I had my depot and flu vax a week ago. I will get my covid vaccine out of obedience to the civil authorities. I’m neither anti-vax nor Orthodox. I’m in the process of leaving the Orthodox church. The priests don’t have a high regard for me.

If the Orthodox anti vax conspiracy theories are true, then I have the humility to die. My life is consuming too many resources without giving anything back to the state.

Maybe the demons will be coming for my soul. At least God gave me periods of rest during my life. Glory to God.

Diary entries 19/4/21 to 29/4/21

19/4/21

Today I did a lot of activities, such as going to supermarkets and walking beside the Brisbane river. So I did things today. I didn’t have the stamina to make it to social tennis.

I suppose since I am interacting with the community, it is my civic duty to keep my vaccinations up to date. So that means I should get the Covid vaccine. As I have forsaken Jesus, so Jesus won’t protect me. God help us.

20/4/21

Today I was with my support worker. He advised me to do more exercise to help me lose weight. Hope it helps me.

28/4/21

I got a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow. Maybe he won’t recommend an increase in meds. God bless fat pills.

29/4/21

Today was Dr Duke’s appointment. I managed to learn useful information from him.

I also took a bus to a school far away, where I could learn tae kwon do. Took me an hour and a half to get there in peak hour traffic. So much for learning martial arts.