No, my website is not successful

I have nothing to market, nothing to offer. I wish I had a skill, but my skill is being disabled. I do pray a lot, but anybody can utter words to God.

I pray for the souls of the dead, that they may rest in peace. I hope, in my effort and kindness, that I may be shown mercy and kindness on that great and fearful day of judgement.

I try to do God’s will, but I stumble so many times. I am bruised from my stumblings. I didn’t go to church tonight. It was raining heavily, and I had a nap after coming home with dinner, because I didn’t have any caffeine.

I wish grace, mercy and peace for everybody in my qq friend list. If you are reading this blog, I pray you have good mental health, all the days of your life.

The day after my depot and flu shot…

This screenshot is taken from a mod of Civilisation 4 Beyond the Sword called Caveman to Cosmos. I enjoy playing this mod most of all, there is so much variety of unit types. Currently, this game takes place in the Prehistoric Age, yet the military units are just so beautiful to watch.

I had my flu shot and injection of anti-psychotic yesterday. I slept a lot today. The body’s reaction to the flu shot is meant to make you really tired. I didn’t sleep early, but I did have a long nap after today’s activities.

Life isn’t so bad for a schizophrenic who is on medication without too many side effects. I’m getting slightly better at meditation. I am becoming a better person each day.

My WordPress is unpopular

Sigh. I wish I had more wisdom to share. I am running out of ideas. Nothing original happens to me during the day, when I take a bus out to the library.

Today, a baby looked at me in a local café. I said to the mom that her baby was very cute. I spoke Chinese to the mom for a little bit. I communicated my own fears of having a child, if I had a partner.

Then I talked to the lady at the newsagent in Chinese. She smiled at me.

Then I sat down in the local library. A little kid came and sat opposite to me. I thought kids were afraid of big 124kg yetis! Maybe I have a halo around my yeti head.

Then I went home, and then dad took me to my cousin’s house. I played with their 3 cats and 2 dogs. I love the cats.

God bless you all!

Another dismal day

If you look for Mr Ke ai on YouTube, you’ll be able to find me. I only have about 1 500 views for all my videos on YouTube. I don’t edit my videos. I am too disabled to learn many new things, such as video editing in YouTube studio. I mostly have videos of me sparring my friend and doing light exercise, such as tai chi and gentle stretching.

But today was mostly dismal, until I managed to buy an Ice Break at 5:30pm. I felt really good after that! Such a fantastic drug! It is coffee milk, with lots of sugar. I most likely will go to bed around 2am.

But overall, life is pretty boring, I have very little structure surrounding my day. I am glad medication helps me sleep. Even though two of the nurses who give me injections of Invega Sustenna have both said the needle is too big, I’m still willing to take the 150mg depot, just so I can sleep well at night. It also lessens my libido, too.

Overall, life is pretty boring. I have no topic. I will play some games. Maybe I will do clothes washing tomorrow. Bye.

Life is dismal part 2

I went out with my support worker and read ‘God is good for you’ by Greg Sheridan. I read one of the chapters which talk about the Pentecostal movement in Melbourne. I thought the female youth pastor was secretly narcissistic. Nobody is a true pastor, not even in the Orthodox Church.

Shout out to that person who rang me and told me she viewed my blog. I’m grateful somebody cares.

One day I may delete my blog. It was a financial flop. I only spent 120 dollars on it, but it was still a waste.

Life is not so much a nightmare as much as it is boring. Then again, when your negative thoughts attack you so much when you are doing nothing, boredom can be a nightmare.

Diary entries 5/5/21 to 13/5/21

I am a sub-five human, so as far as everybody else is concerned, I have never had a girlfriend. It’s better that way.

5/5/21

The Russian Orthodox Church gave me 2 things; my mum and my doctor. So I shouldn’t leave the church just yet.

Life is a struggle now. When I was manic before my first psychotic episode in 2006, life was beautiful. Now, everything is a struggle. Just waking up in the morning is a struggle. Now, I am dishonoured, rather than praised. May life get better.

6/5/21

I managed to stand up for 36 minutes doing gentle stretches and qi gong on a 3 shot cup of coffee. My mom said to me on the 4th of may ‘May the forth be with you.’ That was a funny joke.

I wish I could play borderlands 1 again. I dislike Borderlands 2.

13/5/21

I had my depot and flu vax a week ago. I will get my covid vaccine out of obedience to the civil authorities. I’m neither anti-vax nor Orthodox. I’m in the process of leaving the Orthodox church. The priests don’t have a high regard for me.

If the Orthodox anti vax conspiracy theories are true, then I have the humility to die. My life is consuming too many resources without giving anything back to the state.

Maybe the demons will be coming for my soul. At least God gave me periods of rest during my life. Glory to God.

Diary entries 19/4/21 to 29/4/21

19/4/21

Today I did a lot of activities, such as going to supermarkets and walking beside the Brisbane river. So I did things today. I didn’t have the stamina to make it to social tennis.

I suppose since I am interacting with the community, it is my civic duty to keep my vaccinations up to date. So that means I should get the Covid vaccine. As I have forsaken Jesus, so Jesus won’t protect me. God help us.

20/4/21

Today I was with my support worker. He advised me to do more exercise to help me lose weight. Hope it helps me.

28/4/21

I got a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow. Maybe he won’t recommend an increase in meds. God bless fat pills.

29/4/21

Today was Dr Duke’s appointment. I managed to learn useful information from him.

I also took a bus to a school far away, where I could learn tae kwon do. Took me an hour and a half to get there in peak hour traffic. So much for learning martial arts.

The last minute before new year’s day

Today I played empire earth, StarCraft 2, and halo infinite. I did qi gong and gentle stretches. So I feel good. I also had a mocha at 8pm, so I won’t get to sleep for a while.

My friend is coming over tomorrow. Hope he has a good sleep tonight. I will go with him to a fast food outlet tomorrow, while showing my vaccination certificate to the shop keepers.

Maybe Covid didn’t cause the end of the world. I am glad I have made it to 32 years old. I believe now they are letting off extra fireworks, as while I’m writing this, it is precisely 12am Saturday morning 1/1/22. It is wonderful the world didn’t destroy itself.

I’m glad that I have had a decent life, free from work. But I wish I stayed on my medication when I was young, or at least spent more time in tae kwon do or air force cadets. But alas, I am a weak person, with a lack of energy when not manic.

Happy new year 2022!

Diary entries 2/4/21 to 6/4/21

I haven’t been writing diary entries for a while. I suppose it is a mild update on my life.

2/4/21

I believe my heart rate is too fast because I have too much anxiety. God bless my enemies. Today is good Friday for Catholicism. God bless those who insult me.

3/4/21

Man, I seem to be forgetting what year it is. This is the year after the apocalypse of COVID. A simple flu, costing the world economy billions of dollars. And I have no way of helping the Australian Government get back on its feet!

Centrelink has done quite a bit for me, after the support of my parents. I can’t even live my life worthily for the God who died for me, Jesus Christ! I regret every consuming titanic amounts of resources. Maybe the government will torture and put me away. Then God will condemn me. He is just to do so. Amen.

6/4/21

Well, it is getting cooler. My cat Dante hopped on my bed while I was writing this diary entry. He must feel cold. Hope he feels as blessed by my presence as I do by his.

My support worker will come over. I wonder what we will do today.

It is a cool, humid night….

I noticed my most viewed blog post recently was ‘weak sparring.’ I believe the title sums it up in its entirety.

To be good at hand-to-hand combat, you got to be a tough guy. I am not a tough guy.

I was viewing videos about the selection process women and men use to get dates. Women are a huge amount more picky than guys. It is not the 20/80 rule, on tinder it is the 2/98 rule. I believe that rule is the top 20% of guys get 80% of the women, well on tinder, the top 2% of guys get 98% of the women.

Some guys go on tinder for years without getting a single date. Whereas a woman will have multiple sexual partners through tinder. I just hope the women don’t fall ill due to STIs.

Me? I’m a virgin. It is something I’m proud of, as I do not want to take the risk. I don’t want to become a father, as I’m practically useless. If my local church wouldn’t hire me as a minister, how would you expect me to get a job flipping burgers at my local McDonald’s?

In some ways, you got to be a tough guy to be attractive to a potential mate. The alpha males get women easily. I am not a Chad. I believe the proper name for me is ‘soyboy.’

Lord, have mercy on all the souls that are destined for hell, including my own.