I’m surprised how cool it is getting. It really is shifting into winter in the southern hemisphere. I do not value diary writing at this time, but I suppose it has improved my handwriting.
I went to the Greek Orthodox Church 2 days in a row. Although my anxiety has largely subsided, I am still not inclined to live my life.
I do not think I’ll be able to speak Chinese, Japanese, or Korean to an elite degree. My English is limited by my autism spectrum disorder.
I was listening to Eckhart Tolle give an account of his awakening experience. The divine liturgy chants ‘every good act and every perfect gift is from above.’ Where did Eckhart get his enlightenment from? He was never baptised in the Orthodox Church, so he never went to confession, so he never would of taken holy communion.
Something is very fishy about Tolle. Although he is at peace, I register it as a false peace, a certain amount of smugness. Guess he has his millions of dollars…
These have been edited to avoid naming people or places, and to minimise personal or inappropriate content.
Life, at this point, is still a nightmare. My dad is taking me for my depot injection of anti-psychotic medication. I wish I could cope without medication, but I’m not strong enough.
It is nearly half way through autumn. It is noticeably cooler than summer. I really miss grandma. But I know she had to go, as she was getting more frail.
I sinned by not going to the funeral of my late grandma. But nobody, who I’ve observed, takes Jesus seriously. The fire, Gehenna, how could we not silence ourselves and turn towards Jesus! It’s silly not to fear God! It’s silly to sin!
I don’t believe in justification by faith alone, no matter how much my relative’s friends support it.
This was a silly day today. I laughed at my imagination out loud I must confess. I really am insane. The medication doesn’t seem to be working fully.
Some kid nearly stuffed the library toilet with paper. Luckily the flush was more powerful. Damn kids.
I’m currently reading the poetic works of Henry Lawson. He must of been related to a person I knew from high school.
I’m glad I do donate to charity every now and then. Gives something for my money to do. I went with my support worker to the library and read the book titled ‘God is good for you.’ It said that Christians give 4 times as much to charity as non-religious people do. Makes me glad I fear God and the coming judgement.
Hold it together, James. You have got so much to live for. You must avoid death at all costs, for when you die, then the torments start. I doubt I will ever see paradise. Only the Saints get into heaven. You tried, you tried, you were not found worthy. Just stay in the community without consuming valuable hospital resources which could be allocated to someone more valuable than yourself.
Today was a better day than yesterday. I was praised by my friends at an English conversation group. They said I was a really good person.
The English conversation group is off for 3 weeks due to school holidays. Hope the teachers have a nice break.
Love one another. This is the great commandment from Jesus Christ. For if I don’t love others, how can I love God?
I do edit these diary entries, so that anything unsuitable or truly embarrassing and shameful is taken out. I do live a boring life, really.
The fact that nobody cares is the coldest thing I will ever know. I really should be caring about others, including my enemies, but I hardly do. This is my greatest torment. This is the eternity in darkness. Perhaps I have been to hell already, during a previous incarnation, which explains why I have such a big fear of hell.
The weather is still taking its time to get nicely cool, even though it is half way through March. I went to the library today to read a boring book. I read a star wars book from the St Vincent de Paul Op shop. I think I read the whole book of 1st Corinthians today (again).
I wish I could speak 2 languages fluently. My mom never taught me how to speak Russian, even though she is Russian. Maybe Russian people are hardly worth knowing.
Where is my honour and glory? I guess peace with God is it’s own reward. Maybe I will find peace soon.
What is the point of studying? What is the point of goal-related activity? I feel that society should focus on repenting than on achieving more pleasure in the flesh. I wish the world would repent….
These are more diary entries of my relatively uneventful life. Honestly, I have no humility, otherwise I would accept abuse at work! Since I am afraid of bullying at work, so I don’t attempt to look for work, therefore I have no humility. But I encourage everybody to love their enemies, regardless of whether they are family, friends, or strangers.
My support worker took me to the University of Sunshine Coast Southbank Campus. It was a beautiful place with impressive architecture. It reminded me of the times I went to Southbank TAFE.
I went to a barbeque with my English conversation group today. I was compelled to cook the barbeque. I probably won’t go to another barbeque, as they don’t understand I lack the skills to cook a barbeque. One of my friends called me a woman.
Then afterwards, my parents took me to some caryards. Why do my parents want to buy another car? It’s like a kind of sickness. It takes a lot of humility on my part.
I saw my mom’s friend today at her house, and I got to see her cat. Then we went to coffee club at a shopping centre. It was nice. It makes me wish I had more things to do everyday.
The weather should be getting cooler soon. It is getting tough through the first month of autumn, as the weather is still like summer heat. I’d like at least 5 months of this year to be cool.
I didn’t go to church, but I did do some housework. My parents are at my cousin’s house teaching her kids the piano.
These are more of my boring musings. I still haven’t made any money from advertising on WordPress. Maybe I should set up that part of WordPress where I can accept donations, not that anybody would care.
Today I felt more despair than usual. This is probably because I put so little effort into living my life. As my former psychologist said ‘You have a very poor quality of life, James.’ Today was a lot more cooler than usual for a summer’s day. As soon as I think of that, I think of the song ‘summer rain.’
Wow. I’ve existed for 31 years. I feel old already. I wanted to try something new today. Instead of almsgiving, I will sell books. Wish me luck.
The vaccine is being rolled out. Soon it will be my turn to take my mandatory government vaccine. I hope the vaccine doesn’t produce genetically-modified people who will bow before the coming Anti-Christ, as the Old Calendar Zealots theorise.
I am kind of glad that I never joined the Australian Defence Force. Shame on those asking money for ADF veterans! With skills in the army, they can work in private security or the police force. A veteran has to remain with the ADF for 25 years before they can be considered a veteran. Fancy that! Where did all their money go from the 25 years of service they endured! I only got a lousy cadet encouragement award from my 7 months in cadets. Were it so easy….