First day at something by IakovosKriegor

Tell us about your first day at something — school, work, as a parent, etc.

My first day taking communion at the Greek Church near my house was unremarkable. I did not prepare worthily for it. You have to fast from 2pm till communion at about 7pm at the church. This includes dry fasting, which I am not capable of.

But why should the church talk about dry fasting? Their members are hypocritical. The priest never responds to my text messages. My godfather never replies to my text messages or answering machine messages. Whenever somebody at the church wants you to stop talking, they say ‘you go and have a good day.’ I feel insulted by that.

Communion either has lost its mystical properties, or nobody at the church takes communion worthily.

I sure wish I had the courage to rebuke them, but usually, people don’t have enough respect to me to listen to my correction, or apply it to their lives.

Well, there isn’t any point in going to the Orthodox churches in Brisbane, then.

Dealing with stress

Sometimes people in authority look down on somebody like me. I probably won’t go into it, but it happened both in school classrooms and in church.

The hard thing is not reporting it to a higher official. As Jesus said ‘turn the other cheek.’ So I just let whomever is responsible get away with it.

These things have happened before, but they don’t happen often. Not since I’ve learnt to keep to myself.

Guess some people don’t understand mental health issues.

Taking a bus

A big tough bus driver was angry with some kids on the bus, because they didn’t pay their fare. I know it was their fault, but most bus drivers are quite nice, and won’t argue if the person doesn’t have the correct fare.

My mental health was good, today. When I went to a protestant church today, I decided to cultivate the virtue of humility. I endured the limited social rejection by other people. Fortunately, a doctor, the pastor, and a Chinese lady said hi to me. I felt better.

Life isn’t so depressing when you have friends. But I have no discipline. I do not believe my life has a purpose. Well, at least one that I can get paid for. But my little activities add meaning to my life.

Such as this blog, for example. And the fact that I pray from an Orthodox prayer book. Sometimes I can feel better by helping a stranger, or even talking to them.

One time, a Korean lady didn’t know how to purchase a ticket from the ticket machine, so I helped her out. Her English was quite good. So she thanked me. I went on my way.

My birthday is coming up. Hopefully I can have a party with my family and friends. God bless everybody on Earth.

God bless

I suppose ‘God bless’ is a general form of blessing. Some atheists don’t like it. Others dismiss it.

It is sad when a society hates God so much that it can’t bear the mention of God’s name. God is the source of all morals and good. Why do we all act with such pretense?

People have to learn to distinguish between God Himself and hypocrites. God is all good. It’s just the church that gives a bad name to God.

I apologize for the Orthodox church’s sins. I apologize for them placing themselves on a pedestal, while not reaching out to the distressed and lonely. I pray you forgive them.

I pray you forgive me and the church I represent.

Old age

I am advancing in years. I certainly wish I could prolong my life. But whatever for? All that I want is in heaven with God. Why prolong my agony any longer?

I wish all the best for everybody who reads my blog. I wish you all health, wealth, and success.

Life is a nightmare. With widespread violence, love is dwindling as well.

I wish the Holy Spirit would come back to warm up the world.

I thank my friend for coming over today to celebrate a mini divine liturgy. God bless you.

I will never be a pastor

Sigh. When I was young and manic, before I got forced on medication, when I was an altar boy at an Anglican church in 2005, I wanted to be a pastor or priest. But now I get nothing out of worship! All I do at the Greek orthodox church is just judge my neighbour, and remember with scorn the insults of the Greeks against me.

I don’t think I’ve ever been truly tough. I may of done martial arts and cadets, but it was a false courage, a false toughness. Now nobody recognizes me as a candidate for the priesthood.

It’s pathetic, but I wouldn’t enjoy preaching from a pulpit anyway. Most people in churches don’t listen to the messages of their pastors, and don’t apply it to their lives. What a waste of time church must be!

Why do people go to church in the first place? I suppose they’d be homicidal maniacs like the communists if they were given state sanction to do so. So I don’t trust churches.

Life sucks for me, even though I have a few good deeds.

I miss the times when I actually enjoyed life….

If I tried to write about not being mentally ill, I would have very little clue how to do it; and if I did write about it, it would sound too fake. Sigh, what shall I do with my life?

I’d just say play it safe. I have a lot of regrets about the foolish and evil things I’ve said to others in the past. They were usually people much tougher than me, and I’m glad I didn’t end up in the emergency department with broken bones!

Sigh, life. If I could write a book about my life, I would. That is if I could write a book about anything.

I am sort of getting behind in my life of online blogging. My blog on WordPress and my YouTube channel are of low, unenhanced quality, so I get very few views, and even less subscribers. To start making money from advertising on YouTube, you need 1000 subscribers and 4000 hours worth of viewing time in the last year. That is the algorithm that calculates whether your channel is worth watching or not.

I don’t even know how the paid advertising works on WordPress. I only serve like 100 ads to my viewers per month, and I get 0 dollars to my PayPal. Guess 100 views a month is too small.

But now that I’m not manic, do I actually enjoy anything? I wouldn’t say I enjoy computer games. I just play them to not be too tormented by boredom. It is a struggle to get to and from church, let alone stand for the English Divine Liturgy in the Greek Orthodox Church which goes for 75 minutes, roughly.

I would do a martial art class, but I run out of energy just walking to the venue where it is held. I must lack Chi energy. Chi as in Qi Gong energy.

The more I vegetate on my bed, the weaker and weaker my muscles become. I have moderate function, I wouldn’t call myself a high functioning autistic, as I can neither work nor drive a car. I am afraid of my own shadow.

If I wrote a song about how I feel, the chorus would go ‘nobody cares…’ Oh well, better luck for me next reincarnation….

Purpose in life

In this world, we all have a God-given purpose. We may like it, we may not, but ultimately God determines our destiny. I am not a believer in predestination, but I believe that we must cooperate with God’s grace in order to achieve our purpose in life.

But are we doing what God wants in our life, or are we doing our own will, or even worse; saying we are doing God’s will but really doing our own will?

Take me for example. When I read into the bible, I misinterpreted many concepts, as I never had a director in the spiritual things. I interpreted the great commission for the apostles upon Jesus’s resurrection as applicable to me, meaning I had to go and preach the gospel to strangers. This was an error on my part, as living my life for God could prove as obedience to God’s will.

Street preaching is not for everybody, and certainly not for me. I thought my purpose was evangelism. But since I’ve been on better medication and hence joined the Orthodox Church, I have found new direction in my life.

Many of the protestant denominations are evangelical, as in they will go into the community to seek out new members. The Orthodox church is monastic and ascetic, meaning it leads by example, and those most shining spiritual examples are the monks, priests, bishops, nuns and hermits of our holy faith.

So, instead of talking about the bible, serving my parents is my evangelism. Going to confession is my evangelism. Working at my volunteer work is my evangelism. So I have found new direction in life.

The people of this world usually will not want to hear a street preacher approach them and introduce them to the gospel. But there is a remnant of people like myself who are trying to find the truth, and yearn to find truth. I hope a member of the Orthodox church can lead even me to the truth.