I started cadets when I was 15 in June 2005. It was horrible, but it really improved my character, and prepared me for the struggles with mental illness.
Before I got sick in February 2006, I had never asked out a girl. I also started Tae kwon do in about March 2005. So from March 2005 to about March 2006, I was practicing celibacy, as in; not asking out women, not playing with myself, and eventually, enjoying women’s company as friends.
But when I was put on olanzapine in March 2006, I began to be curious about women. As Jesus said in the gospel ‘this demon cometh out only by prayer and fasting.’ So since olanzapine causes significant weight gain, I couldn’t resist my hormones, being fuelled by appetite increase. I was eating until I vomited on olanzapine, but the psychiatrists of the kiddie’s mental health wouldn’t do anything about it.
If I had managed to restrict my intake of food, I wouldn’t of noticed women, and maintained my celibacy vow. But I know now that most women would of been happier had I permanently maintained my celibacy. God bless women and their lofty standards.
Isn’t it odd how an Orthodox Christian wants to write on the law of attraction? Well, sometimes I like a break from Orthodoxy every now and then.
I am not very Orthodox, despite being chrismated in an Orthodox church. I don’t like the people, I don’t like the snobby attitudes of the worshippers and priests, and I don’t like fasting, due to being on medication which makes eating extra unavoidable.
I prefer the law of attraction sometimes, as it is more palatable than Orthodox Christianity, and it takes my mind off hell. I’m just hoping I can ‘create’ my way out of worrying about going to hell in the end. I’m not living my life up now with these limiting beliefs!
Sure wish I could make money off YouTube or WordPress. It’s a nice cool night in the start of spring. End of winter was quite hot. Now I just have to get my comfy mattress back into the room with the air conditioning for the hellish summer.
Sigh, I don’t have any advice on personal development, as I have never really developed myself personally. The law of attraction advice is ‘think you already have what you want, and you will get it.’ I sort of get some relief from pretending that I’m celibate, to stop preoccupying myself with my loneliness.
As much as I am unworthy of a girlfriend, I struggle with emotional issues of loneliness. Sometimes the cold is too much to bear. But distraction helps. YouTube also helps. I prefer looking up law of attraction videos than looking at Orthodox videos.