It is a cool night. I feel cold and alone in my soul. I went out to the library today. Apart from that, I played computer games most of the time. I had pizza slices at a kebab place near the library for lunch today.
There is so much luxury food items in today’s shopping malls. The book I was reading today called ‘Unseen Warfare’ was written in a time when it was hard to get luxuries. So I can not imagine living without coffee, sugar, chocolate, computer games, and coffee milk! I need them to lift up my emotions a little.
I am not ascetic. I try self-denial in the form of not correcting others harshly. I know what it is like to be corrected and rebuked. It is not a pleasant experience. Therefore, I attempt to be nice to everybody I know.
My mom’s friend said that 95% of what we said we’ve said before and only 5% of what we say is new information. I am full of repetitive garbage. As me and dad were coming home from Coles at night, I related to him information I learnt from YouTube about a homeless woman in Japan. I also said this same information to my support worker a day earlier.
I wish I was an original content creator. I mean, at least creative in my thoughts. But most of my blog, and what I say, is recycled information. It would be worse if I wasn’t on medication, as I wouldn’t be able to focus and stay on topic, but would jump around everywhere in my topics of conversation. I wouldn’t say anything relevant. Such is the severity of my sickness.
I was playing Borderlands 2 just now. I was trying to come across Eridium in the game. It is used for character upgrades. I am glad for the luxury of computer games. I am glad I have money to buy food and pay bills. Even though I am cold and lonely, and my life feels empty, life is good.
I have nothing to market, nothing to offer. I wish I had a skill, but my skill is being disabled. I do pray a lot, but anybody can utter words to God.
I pray for the souls of the dead, that they may rest in peace. I hope, in my effort and kindness, that I may be shown mercy and kindness on that great and fearful day of judgement.
I try to do God’s will, but I stumble so many times. I am bruised from my stumblings. I didn’t go to church tonight. It was raining heavily, and I had a nap after coming home with dinner, because I didn’t have any caffeine.
I wish grace, mercy and peace for everybody in my qq friend list. If you are reading this blog, I pray you have good mental health, all the days of your life.
It’s almost the end of an 8 day lockdown for south-east Queensland. I hope everybody gets to go out and do what they love once this lockdown is over.
I took my first dose of Pfizer. Now, I did do an article saying I wouldn’t take the vaccine, but I changed my mind. I preferred a vaccine than getting sick with COVID.
But even though I disobeyed the old calendar movement, I still want to follow Christ, just not as strict as the old calendar zealots do. I think I’m still welcome amongst the new calendarists.
On another topic, if I were to go on a camp to Mapleton like I did in 2005, I would have to go on a non-religious camp, such as a tennis camp or mental health camp. Because I’m getting too old for Presbyterian university camps. I’d have no function there, as I do not have a good testimony about God. People look at me and say ‘You have schizophrenia. What good has obeying God ever done you?’
But I miss the camps in the past. I miss air cadets, tae kwon do, tai chi, and high school. But honestly, looking back, those activities were boring. I only liked them because mania acted as a screen blocking out my deep emotional pain. Well, at least I can make blogs now.
I do like to travel. But only for about 1 or 2 hours outside Brisbane by car, not going on the plane. Life stinks, but that is only because I’m not manic. I do get the opportunity to read the bible a lot. I’m reading the book of Exodus now.
Shout out to all my friends! I hope everybody does what they like! God bless! Amen.
I tried creating a stripe account to earn money from donations, but as I looked into it, it was more geared towards membership and premium content. I really regret monetizing my site, as I don’t earn any money from advertising.
I couldn’t even start a business. It’s easier to go up to strangers and ask for donations in the street than it is to earn money from advertising on WordPress. I tried getting advertising money on YouTube, but I need 1000 subscribers and 4000 hours worth of people viewing my content in a 1 year period.
Fancy that! The most profit I made apart from my pension is selling books to my friends.
If I were to make a blog about Orthodoxy, I’d make my disciples twice as mentally ill and suicidal as I am. I really regret trying to make it big on WordPress. My mind and ideas are faecal matter, anyway.
If anybody who reads this has any ideas on making money, in case Centrelink cuts my pension, I’d be grateful.
Thank you to all the people who viewed my blog. I hope it was not too boring.
It is a cold, winter’s night here. If you are from the northern hemisphere, then it would be summer now. But as I say, opposite hemispheres, opposite seasons, due to the tilt of the earth’s axis. During one part of the year, the northern hemisphere is closer to the sun, during another part of the year the southern hemisphere is closer to the sun.
I pray there will not be a world war between china and the US. I just hope world leaders can drop their egos and try to adopt a peaceful, humble approach to dealing with conflict. Although, I couldn’t run a country, but I pray that meekness and humility prevails, regardless of whether I personally have any real humility.
Life is a nightmare, and even more so for a mentally ill person. A lot of tears are shed all over the world by men, women and children everyday. I can’t imagine what it is like in war-ravaged countries, that are being supported by UNHCR. I would not have the same resilience as the refugees overseas do.
I personally suffer from a mental illness known as schizoaffective disorder. I have great difficulty making friends. I have only a small number of friends. I am not an influential person. I hope that the mentally ill in this country are taken care of and they endure with humility the scorn and ridicule of others.
God bless you all. I hope this blog is not too dreary. I pray for the world, and for the salvation of all men and women.