My life so far April fools day 2021

I’m not sure how long I’ve had this WordPress blog for.

I’ve been wondering if somebody else could tell me. I would have difficulty navigating my settings.

I would like to know how to make money on WordPress too lol. I tried the YouTube idea, but I didn’t get enough views or subscribers. To make money from advertising on YouTube, you must have 1000 subscribers and 4000 hours worth of viewing time from other users in the past year. I had trouble getting subscribers and also getting people to watch my poorly designed videos.

Anyway, to my life so far. My mom’s mom passed away recently. I have so much more anxiety now than when my grandpas passed away in 2006. I am more conscious of the fear of death, and the imminent expectation of being thrown into hell after I die. I wish I was more Godly. Maybe had I been an actual Saint, Coronavirus wouldn’t of happened.

My grandma outlived both my grandpas by 15 years. I don’t know how long I’ll live. I wish I’d pass away before mum and dad, to save me the heartache of missing them. But since I’m so highly medicated, probably I will die first, as medication shortens lifespan quite a bit.

But I do pray for the souls of the dead, and my friends who are still alive here on Earth. Life is a nightmare. I think if we were all to live 1000 years, we still could not do enough works to become a Saint.

God help us all. Amen.

My life so far 27/12/20

Wow, Covid-19 has really shocked the world this year. I just hope all who come across my blog have been safe this year, protected by God from disease, illness, sudden death, foreign invasion, and anything that may frighten and perplex the human soul.

I didn’t catch the virus this year. Here in Queensland, the government has done an exemplary job of protecting its citizens from Covid-19. My friends in Brisbane were all protected from it, too.

Nonetheless, I have some things to say to all people in Brisbane. We must all repent. Jesus said in the Gospels ‘Do you think that the Galileans whom the tower of Siloam fell on were worse sinners than they? No, I tell you, unless you all repent, you will all perish.’ Stop fornicating, because it destroys the communion between each person’s souls. Stop committing adultery, God declared marriage holy, and the wedding bed undefiled.

Do not get angry at others, let others have their way. Because life is a nightmare, we should not impose our wills upon anybody. God didn’t force us to love Him by coercion, He gave us the freedom to walk away from Him. But how blessed will we be, if we love Him with all our heart! God gave us free will, so by using our free will properly, we would inherit a greater reward in heaven than the oceans, earth, trees, and animals who obey God by default.

God has taught me much during my life. I would not have my mental illness removed or my experiences in life erased for all the treasure on earth, because without mental illness, I would not have even begun to cultivate humility. As St John Climacus says in the Ladder of Divine Ascent, ‘Without humility, nobody shall enter the bridal chamber.’ That bridal chamber is the Kingdom of heaven.

So let us all think the least of ourselves, not quarrelling with others over senseless matters. Let us be humble, then shall the light of Christ shine in others. And even if many reject the light, the humble shall still be at peace.

I shall leave you with a monastic saying of the desert fathers, for all Christians struggling with temptation in Brisbane: ‘Even if we never enter the promised land, it is best that we leave our bones to lie in the desert, then return to slavery in Egypt.’

Take it easy

Greetings everybody. My topic is ‘taking it easy’. People seem to always be on the go, go, go. I live in the slow lane. But the thing about always being on the go, is that you can frequently get burnt out.

I have been sick for about a week with a cold. I thank God everyday for this cold, as it leads me towards perfect humility. As an Orthodox ascetic once said ‘As satan was bound and cast out from heaven due to his pride, so to re-enter paradise, we must have humility.’ So I thank God each and every day for the bad things that happen to me. It makes me realise my weakness, and depend more and more on God.

The Lord says to St Paul in one of his epistles ‘My grace is sufficient for you. In your weakness, my strength is made manifest.’ This is one of the verses the Pentecostals would NOT underline in their bible. The miracles of the pentecostal and charismatic churches are false and demonic, don’t trust them.

One of the things that delights the Lord is ‘sickness borne with patience, as this brings great joy to the Lord in our affliction’. Our patience proves whether we are worthy of receiving paradise, when the end of our life comes.

Anyway, getting back on topic, take things one day at a time. It’s no good if you burn yourself out and end up committing suicide. Stay alive! Because Jesus Christ has a great reward in place for you after your faith has been proven true through the furnace of tribulation.

My youtube account

Hello everybody. I am surprised how many good and honest people would even regard my blog. Thank you to all the nice people out there who support me on my journey to heaven!

I started a youtube account, which I pay premium for. I’m hoping people will like my videos. My channel’s name is ‘Mr Keai’, which means ‘Mr cute’ in chinese. Chinese language does not distinguish between the adjectives ‘lovely’ and ‘cute’. So my real name ‘James Owen Lovely’ is just ‘James Owen Cute’ in chinese equivalent. Otherwise in pinyin it’s known as Zhanmushi Ouwen Keai.

Anyway, my serious advice to all people seeking the kingdom of God, take one day at a time, go easy on yourself, especially if you are going to have a mental breakdown. In 2006, when I was acutely manic, I was doing high school, air force cadets, tai chi, and tae kwon do, then I lost my mind and ended up in hospital!

I don’t believe in the saying ‘no pain, no gain’. I believe, ‘push yourself too hard and you will get injured.’ I realise a lot of people out there will not understand weak people like me, such as David Goggins, or Jordan Peterson. But they have a certain mindset and set of genetics that makes them extremely tough. I am not like that.

I do not think I will ever become a CEO, or even any kind of leader, for that matter. But God gives gifts to everybody, some He withholds from others, while giving to someone else. Anyway, I’ll try to post my youtube link, so you can enjoy all my youtube videos. God bless!

Yay! It worked! Hope you all enjoy!

What a person needs to do

Welcome to my blog. I hope that my website is not too disturbing.

I will most likely upgrade to premium, in the hopes I can make a few cents from wordpress. I believe it works by people clicking on advertising associated with my site?

I’m not an impressive blogger. My blog posts are really short. But I do this largely to increase my ability to write, so hopefully I can write a book and make a few dollars.

My first book would be about ethics. Personally, I am an Orthodox Christian, but I support asian religions, such as taoism and buddhism. But before my conversion to Orthodoxy, I was a protestant.

Life can be a nightmare for most of us, so I understand if people want to pleasure themselves with innocent things like junkfood, coffee, chocolate, vanity, and warm showers. I sympathise with people who need more intense kicks, such as porn, street drugs, risky sex, alcohol, cigarettes and gambling, as in this life, it feels as though God has left society.

My advice to mentally ill people like me is: practice mindfulness, limit the amount of risky pleasures you engage in, try eating one healthy thing a day, get enough sleep, take one day at a time, God appreciates your efforts. Life is beautiful on the correct dose of medications.

My advice to husbands is: love and cherish your wives. Look after them. I wouldn’t throw out my pets, so why should we forsake the wife of our youth?

Life is difficult, God seems to be unable to understand mental illness, but there is hope, maybe you can write a book, and teach me how to make money lol.

5 days before Christmas

I am 29 years old and on a high dose of anti-psychotic medication. I try to keep my faith alive in Christ, but although my fear of hell is not lessening, I surely am driven to despair.

I judge my neighbor. I bear hatred and resentment against most who have ever offended me. I do not do the works of righteousness, even much less than many people. I pray God will deliver me.

God has shown me in life, that even after death, we still exist. He has created all humans for eternity, to populate His Kingdom, regardless of whether we like it or not.

Life is continual. The state we are in when we die is the state we will be in in eternity. So, if we hate our relative at the point of death, then we will burn forever in our own hatreds.

God has given each of us enough time to repent, to read the bible, to do the works fitting of righteousness. While some are like me, and despair, we are given such trials to make us stronger.

Thank you to all my friends and family who have supported me throughout the years. They know who they are.

Pray for me. God bless you.

Tips for humble thinking

As St John of Kronstadt says in his work ‘My life in Christ’: “those who endure dishonour in this life will not be subjected to it in the next.” So I have some practical things to think when faced with dishonour.

If a person insults you, calling you a worthless person, with or without coarse language, say ‘Yes! This is true! I deserve your words because of my sins! Thank you for your caustic words!’

If a person won’t talk to you, and repeatedly ignores you, leave them alone, and say ‘God told them to ignore me, because I have been ignoring God.’

If you are feeling lonely and empty on the inside, say ‘It is the will of God for me to feel this way, Jesus faced the same feelings and worse on the cross.’

If you are feeling rejected, and you can not find true love, say ‘I can not find true love because I reject the true love of God. It is all my fault, not my love interest’s.’

If you are excluded from a friendship circle because you are different, say ‘blessed are they, because they know how wicked I am, thus they are fulfilling the Lord’s admonition to the Israelites “put the evil out from under your midst.”

If you are being bullied needlessly by an accuser, say to them ‘God bless you. Thank you for your caustic words. By your words you drive out the serpents of arrogance and anger from deep in my heart.’

Masturbation, the futility of despair

There was once a handsome gentleman called James. He was in love with a beautiful woman named Audrey. She had beautiful long black hair, and she was perfect in beauty and holiness. They agreed they would not have sex before marriage. So they existed together in perfect communion and bliss.

But one day, James met another girl called Luxifu. She was not as beautiful as Audrey, but she was sexy and hot, and seduced James to lie with her. After he had committed this wicked act, he rushed towards Audrey, and falling on his knees, said ‘Audrey! I have played the harlot with another woman, I am no longer worthy to be your fiance. But please, have mercy on me, and through your prayers grant me the strength to resist this evil woman who has seduced me.’ Audrey, without losing her cool, said ‘I forgive you, go your way sin no more.’

No sooner had he said these awe-inspiring words, and deleted Luxifu’s number out of his contact list, that Luxifu met him in the back alley, and used her erotic charm to seduce him once again. He lied with her again, and then she mysteriously left. But he remembered Audrey, and this awful sin he committed against her, and so phoned her and said ‘I have sinned this great sin again, I am no longer worthy to be called your servant.’ And Audrey said ‘I will pray for you, that you be no longer tormented by her.’

After Audrey and James’s reconciliation, as he was walking along the street, Luxifu appeared to James. James recoiled in horror, and told her ‘Get away from me! I already have a fiancee!’ Luxifu said ‘You can not resist me. Come with me, and let us take our share of love on the bed of your house.’ So he committed adultery yet again. Yet afterward he would always come back to Audrey, weeping, and beg her forgiveness. This behavior happened not for one or two years, but for more than ten years.

After all this, James ran back to Audrey, asking her forgiveness. And just as he was about to ask Audrey’s forgiveness, Luxifu came into the room, and began to beat James severely. As he was lying on the ground, black and blue, she turned to Audrey and said ‘What will become of the two of us, Shangdi Audrey? Your mercy and compassion takes the ground I have gained in this man’s soul. Why don’t you just burn him up? He has cheated on you for 10 years, yet you still love and adore him.’

‘In what way can you be called a just judge, Audrey? While I was cast out of heaven for a little breach of pride, to this man, a fornicator, sodomite and prodigal, you calmly show your sympathy and kindness. For as I see it, you receive individual people with great kindness, but ignore justice in general.’ Luxifu was fuming with rage and contempt, while a black flame poured from her nostrils.

Audrey then spoke back to Luxifu. ‘Oh all cunning and ruinous dragon, are you not yet satisfied with your destructive desire to gobble up the whole world? Can you, by making him sin, tip the scales of justice against the blood I shed on the cross? Behold my murder and my death, which I endured because I love this man.’

‘You, when you seduce him, never turn him away or cause him to repent. So likewise, I, who counselled my beloved friend Peter to forgive 77 times 7, neither turn him away, nor shun his prayers, or his pleas for my mercy.’

‘We have heard all that you say, oh seducer, that I am not just. On the contrary, I am just beyond all. In whatever state I find a man, there I will judge him. See James’s repentance, which he has shown towards me, entreating my forgiveness, and thereby having conquered you. He never lost his love for me, despite your seductions, for which he is honoured. As for you, may your hate be shred to pieces and you disgraced.’

Suddenly Luxifu started to burn, burn with unbelievable heat, which devoured her, until she exploded. Audrey touched James, lifted him up, and healed his wounds. Then they got married, and James was never unfaithful to Audrey again.

私の興味

私は興味がたくさんあります。私の興味は空手、テニス、神様、日本語と中国語です。

先週、私は空手のクラスを始まりました。とても楽しくて面白かったです。空手の先生は空手の言葉をたくさん教えました。

先月、私はテニスをしました。子供の時にテニスをたくさんしたから私のテニスが上手だと思います。

私は神様が愛していて毎日聖書を読みんです。私は地獄へ行きたくないだから良いことをたくさんして見ました。

私は日本語と中国語が少しできます。あまり勉強しないんです。日本と中国の新聞を読めません。

もしそのブログの言葉は違ったら、教えてください!日本語を教えてください!

If you are worried about hell

As a person with serious mental illness and hallucinations, I worry about the spiritual realm, the unseen realm. When I had hallucinations back in 2017, I believed a police officer was watching me, waiting for me to confess a crime before taking me off to prison. As I had Electro-Convulsive Therapy, he disappeared, and I have not seen that person since.

In my experience with church literature, such an apparition could be considered a demon. Be advised, I’m not a theologian or priest, I never went to an orthodox seminary, so my beliefs and opinions might not be credible. But now, after a lot of contemplation, I have some words of scripture for others to meditate on.

In orthodoxy, one of the comforting things is that, whether we are good or bad, we all go to the same place. What I mean by the same place is the presence of God. (Psalm 139:8: If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in sheol, You are there.) God loves everybody, good and bad, pious and impious, prostitutes and chaste, angels and demons, God shines forth his love on all. (Matthew 5:45: For He makes the sun to rise on the good and the evil, and sends rain on the just and the unjust.)

What is comforting is that, no matter what, God will always be beside me and every one of us. (Romans 8:38-39:  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.)

The bad thing is; not everybody experiences God’s love in the same way. For those who love God, His love is like light and warmth. For those who hate God, and close their eyes against Him, His love is like an all consuming fire. (Hebrews 12:29: for our God is a consuming fire.) Another verse, when interpreted according to writings of the Holy Fathers, also illustrates this reality. (1 Corinthians 3:15: If it is burned up, the builder will suffer loss but yet will be saved–even though only as one escaping through the flames.) This means that the builder is the soul, and escaping through flames means that He is being tormented in the fire of God’s love.

So rest assured, if you are a sinner, you will go to heaven, but you won’t enjoy it. I once said to my spiritual father, questioning if I had any heresy in me, said to him, ‘Is it true that there are no bars around hell; sinners can leave anytime they want, but why would they want to?’ He answered, ‘Yes, certainly there is no repentance after death.’ To further prove this reality, I will quote Matthew 13:42 (the weeping and gnashing of teeth.) Why does Jesus use weeping and gnashing of teeth to describe the state of the souls in perdition? I don’t know what the weeping means, but gnashing of teeth means the sheer anger of those in hell, which is directed at God.

Remember all of God’s qualities; love, humility, chastity, temperance, righteousness, justice, integrity, joy, and so forth. Love is evil for the hateful. Humility is evil for the proud. Temperance is evil for the glutton. Righteousness is evil for the wicked. Justice is evil for the unjust. Integrity is evil for the unscrupulous. Joy is evil for the ungrateful. So therefore, God’s goodness is evil for the bad sinner.

In my opinion, if you are worried about the state of your soul after death, you are on the right track back to God. You at least recognize your need to repent. Don’t be too hard on yourself. God will eventually give you the tools for repentance. By the insults and dishonors given by others, your soul will learn humility. By being made to wait for God’s good gifts, you learn patience. By worrying about your soul, you will eventually obtain your soul’s salvation. (Romans 8:28: for we know that all things work together for good for those who love him.) So please, my dear friends, do not lose sleep or develop a mental illness worrying about hell.