Diary entries 12/02/21 to 16/02/21

12/02/21

I went to one of my conversation groups at a park in Brisbane. I got to talk a lot to a Korean friend at that group. My Taiwanese friend was also there.

13/02/21

I’ve temporarily forgotten all the bad things ever done to me by others, as though they never happened. Because, in the cosmic scheme of things, my life doesn’t matter. But where do I go, where I will be honoured and respected? I guess there is no place on Earth for me. This fact makes me greatly depressed.

16/02/21

I was dreaming last night about Hyperion robots from Borderlands 2. Then a terminator said to me in the dream ‘love is stronger than death.’ This is a verse from Songs of Solomon in the Bible. ‘Even if I make my bed in sheol, God is there,’ says the wise psalmist King David. These 2 verses made me cry.

Help yourself with mindfulness

I was at the local Greek Orthodox Church today in the morning to celebrate St John the Baptist. I forget what the precise name for the weekday service was called. Anyway, I enjoyed being there for the most part, except for when the thought entered my mind of the memory of being offended by some of the parishioners and the parish priest.

Everything was blissful and great until those thoughts arose. So I went away from the church feeling bitter and resentful. What could I of done instead? I will give some advice from mindfulness.

You can either A) replace the memory with a happy thought B) say ‘Lord Jesus Christ have mercy, hoping He will get rid of the troubling memory C) replace the memory with a reminder that I need to be humbled so as to cultivate humility, and thank the Lord Jesus Christ for their humiliation of me D) stop thinking altogether by focusing on the breath.

These things normally are excellent for the person without mental health issues, but the mentally ill person has to struggle a lot more with his thoughts than a normal person does. Hope this advice helps some people who stumble upon my blog!

Diary entries 9/2/21 to 11/2/21

This provides readers with an insight into the meanderings of a schizophrenic on medication.

9/2/21

I went to a Sikh temple with my support worker today. It was nice and interesting. The customs were interesting, just like the customs of the Orthodox Church. My dad got my new phone working for me, even though I thought it was broken. I guess it isn’t the end of the world.

10/2/21

My grandma kidnapped a neighbour’s cat today. Let’s hope she gives it back before she gets in trouble with the neighbours. I went and had my injection today. It was fairly nice. My dad fixed up my new phone. Optus is still transferring my old number to my new SIM.

Sigh. I felt energy go out of me when I went to the Sikh temple. But I never had the Holy Spirit anyway. This is nothing to be feared. Into Jesus’s hands I commend myself.

11/2/21

Today I am going to my psychiatrist. Boy am I pumped.

I came back from my psychiatrist. After that, my mum took me to Optus, to get my phone working. I have a working phone now!

I prayed unto Jesus today. I asked Him to have mercy on the human race, without blotting out humanity from the face of the Earth.

Sigh, eternity. As much as I cry out to God, I have very little faith in Him. I almost believe Him entirely separate from His creation. I hope to go to church on the weekend.

Blog Update 18/06/21

Thank you to all the people who viewed my blog. I hope it was not too boring.

It is a cold, winter’s night here. If you are from the northern hemisphere, then it would be summer now. But as I say, opposite hemispheres, opposite seasons, due to the tilt of the earth’s axis. During one part of the year, the northern hemisphere is closer to the sun, during another part of the year the southern hemisphere is closer to the sun.

I pray there will not be a world war between china and the US. I just hope world leaders can drop their egos and try to adopt a peaceful, humble approach to dealing with conflict. Although, I couldn’t run a country, but I pray that meekness and humility prevails, regardless of whether I personally have any real humility.

Life is a nightmare, and even more so for a mentally ill person. A lot of tears are shed all over the world by men, women and children everyday. I can’t imagine what it is like in war-ravaged countries, that are being supported by UNHCR. I would not have the same resilience as the refugees overseas do.

I personally suffer from a mental illness known as schizoaffective disorder. I have great difficulty making friends. I have only a small number of friends. I am not an influential person. I hope that the mentally ill in this country are taken care of and they endure with humility the scorn and ridicule of others.

God bless you all. I hope this blog is not too dreary. I pray for the world, and for the salvation of all men and women.

Diary Entries 01/02/21 to 03/02/21

01/02/21

Fat! I am so extremely fat! Indeed, I do a little bit more exercise at night on this increased dose of medication, but it doesn’t offset the metabolic retardation side-effect of the increased dose. I think that after I finish this packet of extra medication, I won’t buy anymore for a while until my weight comes down. I’ll have to endure the voices in my head.

02/02/21

Today mum took me to Currumbin, just outside Brisbane near Gold Coast. At Currumbin lodge were my family and mom’s friends, and we told each other anecdotes and stories about things we know. I had a good time.

03/02/21

I had a good chat with my support worker about mindfulness. He said I have the power of a deity in me. But deities are usually too proud, and I’d have to learn to regulate my ego and rage.

My best sparring video

This is my best video of me sparring with my friend. The video was recorded by my other friend. Funnily enough, even though I suffer from schizophrenia and autism, I still have at least 2 friends.

I say it is the best, mainly because my legs are most flexible in this video. I do stretching mainly once every 2 days, but it is not enough for me to get flexible. I’m still too unfit to join a class. I do not drive, so I must take bus to potential martial arts classes, so the walking to and from bus stops is a bit difficult, combined with the hardships of the martial arts classes, coupled with the fact that I’m just under 120kg or around 270 pounds.

Hope I can earn a dollar from advertising revenue…

Me getting punched in the face

This is my video of me being punched in the face while wearing headgear. It certainly wasn’t comfortable for me!

Subscribe my YouTube channel if you like backyard sparring! As much as I’m Orthodox Christian, I have a fear of violence so I like to do mild sparring every so often, to not be so afraid if I get assaulted on public transport.

I don’t do classes, as I’m so lazy, and I don’t like the martial arts instructors around my area. They push me until I pass out or vomit. So I just do it with a friend who understands how weak I truly am!

Diary entries 28/01/21 to 31/01/21

I don’t think anybody would even care about my blog. I just paid a subscription to a premium account, hope I can make a dollar or two. Anyway, more writings of a madman.

28/01/21

Man, summer is hot. I really don’t like Brisbane summers, even though they are quite temperate. I never liked summers since I became obese. I could stand summers until about 15 years ago, when I started gaining weight due to increased hunger due to medication side effects. Fortunately, I have air conditioning in my room now.

29/01/21

This year is 2021 not 2020, which I have to keep reminding myself with. What a pitiful state I’m in! What thoughts shall I share for today? I better go read my EOB, or Eastern Orthodox Bible. I really lack the focus to press on!

31/01/21

I forgot to write a diary entry for yesterday, which is of no consequence. I’m trying to write down my wisdom and my thoughts.

Those who can forgive everybody perfectly from the heart are greater than those who can raise the dead.

Yesterday I went to a Russian Church in South Brisbane for a vigil. Today I went to a Presbyterian Church in my city to be with my mom’s friends.

Diary entrees 26/01/21 to 27/01/21

These are the first of my recorded diary entrees. They are the diary entrees of a madman, but who takes his medication. The names of people I have omitted.

26/01/21

Today starts my diary, which was recommended by my support worker from the NDIS. Today I was with my support worker. I went with him to Wellington Point. Before that, he drove me to Chatterbox at Mount Gravatt Plaza to order a salad sandwich for myself.

My thoughts for today are: I must only take one day at a time, be grateful for all God has given me, and being glad I’m still alive. The vaccine for Covid 19 is scheduled to be rolled out here soon, I have some misgivings about it. God be merciful to us all.

27/01/21

Life is long, and the journey endless. I don’t think I will rejoice in my old age. I wrote this entry when the day just started. I woke up late, after a good night’s sleep. I need to call my support coordinator, to reschedule a time for my support worker to come over, as I will be at the Gold Coast next Tuesday. May God have mercy on us all.

Labour Day 2021

I can’t believe I’m still alive. I swore I’d die before I was 18 years old, but I lived to 31 years old. I swore to myself like that because I was severely mentally ill, and I didn’t receive shock therapy yet. Shock therapy really helped my treatment-resistant psychosis.

Anyway, today was labour day, so I decided to try using public transport, to see how frequently the buses ran on a public holiday. Practically nobody was on the buses going into the city.

Anyway, I got out and had a walk around kangaroo point cliffs. I always wanted to own a home there, to always be able to look out upon the Brisbane city river. That dream will most likely never come to pass, but while I was there, I managed to take a few photos of the river and sent them to my mom.

While I was there, I did something brave. There was an Asian couple sitting across from me at Kangaroo Point. I could hear what they were saying. They were speaking Japanese! I had learnt that language at high school. So I, being socially awkward, once I got the courage to speak to them, I asked them if they liked music, because there was a loud concert going on across the river. The lady answered and said ‘yes, I do.’ Then I said, ‘which city are you from in Japan?’ She said ‘Yokohama.’ I said ‘What is your name?’ She said ‘Aya.’ Then there was a silence, they began speaking to each other, so I walked off.

The Japanese, if you are language buffs, goes something like this.  僕は’音楽が好きですか?’と言いました。 あやは’はい’と言いました。 僕は’日本ではどんな町から来ましたか。’と言いました。 あやは’横浜。’と言いました。 僕は’お名前は何ですか、’と言いました。 あやは’あやです。’

I commended myself for being brave enough to talk to a stranger, as I remember when I talked to too many strangers 10 years ago when I was mentally unwell, and I was ashamed of my behaviour.

Anyway, I’m not good at finding topics to talk about. Better luck next time for me.