Talking to new people

I use a dating app to communicate with new people. Apparently, I’m only allowed to initiate new conversation with another person twice every 24 hours. So I don’t get much opportunity to make new friends. Thank God I don’t have to pay for that app.

I might terminate my paid subscription to WordPress by next year. I’m simply not getting enough advertising. I make zero advertising revenue. Nobody much cares about my blog. Oh well.

Apart from that, a new support worker came over. He told me that not everybody despises me, particularly young women. I’m getting over the hill when it comes to dating. I should accept mandatory celibacy, as nobody wants me, once they hear my life story.

Oh well. Nothing I can do. Hope this short post enlightens the reader as to my circumstances. Read the other posts on this blog to find out about my condition. My mind isn’t full of faeces altogether….

Chemical lobotomies

If I didn’t take my medication, I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep at night.

2017 was a taxing year during the winter, when I had my worst psychosis. I believed I was going to jail, I believed people were following me, due to me hearing voices coming from nearby houses. I heard things like ‘he’s weird’ or ‘he’s acting really weird.’ They would usually accuse me, so I would often confess to others that I was a Christian terrorist, and then ask ‘what else do you want me to confess?’ like everything was a court tribunal.

I often asked my mom ‘what are you not telling me?’ due to my paranoia. I was waiting for the end. I prayed in the mental hospital ‘Lord, do not let me live to see the end.’ I felt like I was going to be killed by gangsters, who would kill everybody dear to me. I imagined there were gangsters in one of the hospitals I was in, who were on a mission to kill me.

But all these delusions stopped once I had the 3 rounds of shock therapy. I felt much better after that. But I have experienced a profound lack of respect from others inside the churches, whether Protestant or Orthodox. That’s why I don’t go to protestant churches anymore. They use a heat scanner on me to check for infection, but they don’t scan anybody else in the congregation.

Yeah. I think a lot of people need fixing up by the police services, even correcting them in the congregation. Pity the jails are full. Society is entitled to rejecting whoever it wants. Society, and particularly churches, are not inclusive.

It is a cool, humid night….

I noticed my most viewed blog post recently was ‘weak sparring.’ I believe the title sums it up in its entirety.

To be good at hand-to-hand combat, you got to be a tough guy. I am not a tough guy.

I was viewing videos about the selection process women and men use to get dates. Women are a huge amount more picky than guys. It is not the 20/80 rule, on tinder it is the 2/98 rule. I believe that rule is the top 20% of guys get 80% of the women, well on tinder, the top 2% of guys get 98% of the women.

Some guys go on tinder for years without getting a single date. Whereas a woman will have multiple sexual partners through tinder. I just hope the women don’t fall ill due to STIs.

Me? I’m a virgin. It is something I’m proud of, as I do not want to take the risk. I don’t want to become a father, as I’m practically useless. If my local church wouldn’t hire me as a minister, how would you expect me to get a job flipping burgers at my local McDonald’s?

In some ways, you got to be a tough guy to be attractive to a potential mate. The alpha males get women easily. I am not a Chad. I believe the proper name for me is ‘soyboy.’

Lord, have mercy on all the souls that are destined for hell, including my own.

My life so far 10/10/21

I did two things today, saw my relatives on my mom’s side, then saw my relatives on my dad’s side. Even though it was a Sunday, I didn’t go to church today. Lazy me. I felt emotionally crippled after my last confession.

My life is a tragedy. I am coping only by taking chemical lobotomies. It’s not a good way to live life or to deal with one’s problems. Of course, there are no solutions to my problems. If there were, I wouldn’t of needed to go on meds in the first place.

Well, I suppose I still have friends. Only one friend from my old high school. She treats me ok. The others disowned me, as I have a lack of respect towards others. I have friends from my English conversation class who are married. I have a few mentally ill friends. God bless them all.

My uncle asked ‘who reads your blogs?’ Well, not many people. Not enough to get advertising revenue on WordPress. Sigh, sad isn’t it? I haven’t got much potential.

It is really difficult for me to make new friends, as I am socially disabled, and I’m ashamed of my attempts to meet women in the past when I was manic. I feel so ashamed it impacts my self-esteem now. I really wish God hadn’t of had to teach me a lesson so badly through social rejection. Guess the solitary life is the life for me.

God bless all the social rejects out there, who are declining in functionality, like me.

Weak Sparring

Do I not look radical? I think I look radical. Hopefully this promotion of my sparring will help get a little bit of views on my YouTube channel.

Is it weak sparring or week(ly) sparring. I hardly ever practise shadow boxing by myself when I’m at my home, now that the temperature is rising. It gets warm during October. In Brisbane, we had a hot couple of days in the last month of winter, which makes me worry about global warming. Sure wish the industrialised nations would stop polluting, as I prefer colder weather.

As I’m writing this, it is warm, but not humid, so it is a relief. I probably would only do gentle stretches and Qi Gong in my room with the air-conditioning on, though.

Any comments about my sparring form? From my perspective, I do not cover my face often enough, making it easy for my opponent to strike my face. Also, I was jumping around a lot, to give the impression that I have energy when I actually do not. My kicks are low, but my partners kicks are noticeably higher than my own, which I praise him for it.

Hope my blog is interesting!

My English is not very well

Lol. Most people who speak English really badly say ‘My English is not well,’ rather than ‘My English is really bad.’ If they never bothered to learn English, why are they in this country?

I could learn Chinese and Japanese and maybe even Korean better, if I was in the country where those languages were spoken. But I am afraid of travel, and I need a carer, due to my mental health concerns.

But life is boring. It is very difficult to make even one true friend in the world, much less meet one’s miss’s right, especially if one has a chronic and severe disability. Women are looking for protection and security from a man. Guess I have none.

Sigh, I don’t think I can be a monk either, as the Orthodox Churches have very low respect for me. If they don’t want the anti-christ to come, get your act together and start honouring others so God in heaven will honour you with continued existence!

But then again, no one cares.

我试试爱神

对不起,我中文不好。为什么我中文不好?因为我学习得不好。

每天,我试试爱上帝。如果我犯罪,我不太爱神,因为我是罪人。

我佩服耶稣基督,因为他爱他的敌人。我不会爱我的敌人。

我没有很多朋友,因为我是一个罪人。如果我是一个圣人,我的敌人要做我的朋友。

我的生活没有目的,因为我很弱智。我的工作里,没有女生想做我的真正爱情因为我是没用人。

耶稣保佑你们。

My birthday

Dear WordPress. This morning is a good morning. I am sort of forgiving my enemies. My medication seems to be doing its job.

I had a birthday celebration on the 25th of September, as my birthday is on the 27th of September. It was fun for a brief moment of my existence. I just wish I had the capacity to achieve theosis.

Life is either boring or a nightmare. For me, it is more boring, as my medication is finally working.

It is the school holidays now. Maybe after art therapy I will spend time in the library reading my books. Wish me luck! God bless you all.

Humility

Yep, you are all right. I don’t have humility, as much as I talk about it. I do not have the humility to work. I do not have the humility to push myself beyond my limits so I do not have to rely so much on my disability support pension. But what can I do? I’m only mortal.

I suppose, if I were manic, I’d be able to eventually work a 20 hour shift, until the mania stopped and the depression set in. I really can’t work with customers as I do not know how aggressive they might be. I don’t have the humility to put up with rubbish from aggressive customers or management or HR.

I can sometimes put up with being insulted on qq chat, but sometimes they really get under my skin and I use my professional English knowledge to really insult them, saying things like that their only purpose is for their corpse to feed the worms at the cemetery. Great insult for all those trolls who take it too far!

But I have no humility. I have glimpses of it, I can control myself to a limited degree, but I do not keep a lot of the Lord’s commandments. I wish I did, but I haven’t been given the blessing by my priest to take communion at the Orthodox Church. Sigh, life is unfortunate. I wish I could do more for the emptiness in my soul.

I really wish for more humility so I wouldn’t brood with resentment over what the priests say to me, or have said to me. I can’t control them. People outside the church are frequently a lot worse, as Australian people have a poor code of conduct, generally speaking.

But violence doesn’t solve anything, as the police will just turn me into swiss cheese with their pistols and tazors. So I better not push myself too hard, as it could make my mental health a lot worse.

日本語の宿題

すみません。日本語がまだできないからその国語があまり練習していない。

僕は中国語と日本語をあまりできる。

どうして日本語をあまり練習しない?僕は漢字を大好きだ!

僕はとぴくをいないだから人生について話す。

その町が好き、危ないじゃない。