Life is tough

Life does teach me humility. Like many places around the world, the quality of the General Practices and the Psychiatrists in Brisbane is really low. But those people teach me humility.

I have severe social anxiety when I am fully psychotic. I just hear voices all my waking moments. But fortunately, with medication compliance, I do not feel symptoms much anymore.

But I’ve run out of ideas for what to write on this blog. God bless you all.



For me at least, being on medication is not that bad. I’m on 150mg Invega Sustenna depot injection and 200mg Desvenlafaxine. Invega Sustenna is an anti-psychotic and Desvenlafaxine is an anti-depressnant.

I don’t have many side effects. My Invega has made my big toe stand up on both feet while walking, so I have holes in both shoes where the big toes stand up. But it is more evident in the left foot. My Desvenlafaxine cures my hypersexuality associated with the bipolar element of my schizoaffective disorder.

So, I can’t think really of many side effects that bother me. Of course, I’d rather be on the tablet form of the depot, but the quality of psychiatrists in Brisbane (my city) is not really good. So I just bear their snide remarks with humility.

I hope nobody has to take the medications I’m on. You should only take it if you are suicidal, and mindfulness and meditation doesn’t help. That’s my opinion.

God bless you!


On the day I had my depot

I looked at my previous blogs. I have low self-esteem frequently, though it is getting better the longer I take my depot. I just hope I’m able to come off my depot in the future. I do not want to be on meds for the rest of my life.

My former psychiatrist said the maximum length of time somebody can be on medication is for 60 years. So I guess they just die after being medicated for so long? It is not a good way to live.

But I’m not in a hurry to find a new psychiatrist. Even though now, I only have my GP, I will look for a psychiatrist later on. I prefer going to a psychiatrist, as I can ask more specific questions about my illness.

This is a picture from the point-and-click game called Timelapse: Ancient Civilisations. It has a time machine in it. I would like to rewrite the history of my life, with the experiences I now have. I would of told my parents just how bad my old high school was. They would of let me leave that high school.

Ironically, I got kicked out of a very immoral high school, where they looked down on students who fell behind. But I would like to take the old school teachers to court for kicking me out of a school where I was bullied every day. But the judges are unethical, too. If they weren’t, they would of done something about it already.

God bless my enemies. You will not go unpunished in the next life.

Acting the Goat

Last night, I played in the advanced division of social tennis. I felt like the Greatest of all time, or Goat, as it is called.

Just kidding. I’m not the GOAT or a GOAT. I’m just acting the goat.

I like goats. They are funny creatures. Especially when they step on you.

Hope people like my blog….

Eternal Nothingness

Young Stars at Home in Ancient Cluster by NASA Goddard Photo and Video is licensed under CC-BY 2.0

Behold, the cosmos. It is great and vast. The observable universe is rumoured to be 93 billion light years across. Correct me if I’m wrong.

Behold, the night sky. It makes our life insignificant in comparison.

I do worry, in this earthly shell of mine called a body. My mind is not well regulated by my medication.

I just hope I don’t have a heart attack during the night.

God bless us all.

Infinity Pistol

This is some whack-job pistol from the Borderlands 2 series. The series is famous for having a random gun generator, which can annoy the hell out of halo players. I personally, like the random gun generator, because it gives me an interesting set of usually <crap> weaponry.

This pistol probably has a digistruct module in it, where the bullets that have shot through a target are simultaneously put back into the barrel. Like bullet teleportation, of sorts. That’s my theory.

Anyway, if any of you have played other series of borderlands apart from Borderlands 1 and 2, I’d love to hear your input on the other games in the series. God bless you!

Life is not a destination, but a journey

The journey through life seems endless. What path will you take?

The path of service to others? Or the path of service to self?

Each path has its own rewards and gifts…

Choose carefully.

Real life.

Support me on paypal

God bless you all!


This is what I found when I looked up ‘eroded landscape’ on google image search. I chose it because I liked it. It reminded me of the Anasazi world in the ‘Timelapse’ series.

My heart and will feel eroded. So does my courage. But I guess it is God’s will, to teach me gentleness, kindness and humility. So when God tests us or takes something away, it is to be a corrective measure, rather than a punitive measure.

I do pray for the world. I pray there will not be a 3rd World War. I pray there will not be a market collapse.

God bless all of you.

I miss this game

This image is from a 1996 game called ‘Timelapse: Ancient Civilisations.’ Even though it is available on gog galaxy, I don’t play it, as I’m not good with problem solving or lateral thinking, due to my Autism Spectrum Disorder.

I miss that game. My mom helped me get through the levels in Grade 2 and 3. We bought the game after it was released. I was in Grade 2 in 1997 and Grade 3 in 1998.

On a different topic, I went overseas for the only time in my life in 1998. I don’t remember vomiting on the trip. But I was scared, because if I lost my mum, I’d be in trouble. I went to Singapore and Malaysia. It was too hot. But actually, I don’t remember the heat and humidity.

Now I can speak limited Chinese, but I hate summers, as my medication makes me more sensitive to heat extremes. That’s why I have the air con on in my room at night, to help me sleep.

I will most likely never travel overseas, unless my schizophrenia was cured.

If you want to donate to support me, my paypal is

God bless you all!

On mindfulness

Actually I didn’t have a lot to put into this post. I looked at a video by Eckhart Tolle, one of the spiritual gurus of today. He had some advice on how to reduce emotional problems.

When you experience depression or anxiety, just focus on a point in your body, like the chest or the hands. Alternatively, you can go into your garden, and focus on a plant, or tree.

While it may not sound like much, it is meant to take our mind off our problems and focus the mind on something else.

I rely on overmedicating, but that is because I have schizophrenia, and there is no cure for it.

I have not personally met Eckhart Tolle, so I don’t have his advice on my disorder.

Hope this helps!