Dedicated to an unknown friend

As it says in the Psalms, ‘Be still, and know that I, am God.’ In the book titled, ‘Unseen Warfare,’ it says Jesus is always beside us, especially when we call out to Him with eyes of faith. It is very difficult not to despair when we have mental illness.

You are not your mistakes. You are not the negative experiences that happened in your past. Life is a dream. The bad things that happened to you in your childhood are not real. Try not to identify with your traumas. Nothing is real, except God.

God is the kindest thing that exists. God looks upon you with exceedingly great love and compassion. God will continue having mercy upon you, even in sheol. God loves you even beyond death.

What we experience in the next life is the sum total of anger and resentment we have in our hearts. As we forgive, so are we forgiven. But remember, the evil that the world does to you actually doesn’t exist. It is all just a dream that you wake up from in eternity.

My prayer for all people

I pray that the nations of the world would drop their grievances and egos and would work together for world peace and freedom. This includes the option NOT to take the covid 19 vaccine. This includes religious freedom, where lawful religious groups, particularly old calendar Orthodox Christianity are not discriminated against in any way, shape or form.

When I was in the Child Youth Mental Health in 2006, I was manic enough to tell other people in the ward to repent. And what did the democratic country do? It kept me locked up for longer. Shame on this democratic country! In this state, if you repent personally, people laugh at you or look at you as though you are really sick, but if you constantly tell other people to repent, then you get shut up in mental health jail! This is what they did to the Blessed Apostles! This is what they did in Soviet Russia to the New Martyrs! Democracy is close to God-hating communism!

I got sick in 2006 due to relentless abuse by fellow students at my old high school. The wickedness of Australian society caused my schizophrenia. Now 15 years on, the world is pushing to get the covid vaccine mandated! There is no freedom under communism, whatever the name of the type of government! It didn’t even take a quarter of a century for the Australian society to start stuffing up majorly after my breakdown, only 15 years!

I have started praying fervently for my safety under a new world order. God help us all.

Love your enemies

Yes, I do confess that I can’t love my enemies, I am often snide and impudent. But sometimes the grace of God makes me remember my sins, but not too often, as I chase away the love of God through my pride.

I used to be on a messaging software called qq. It is a Chinese messaging software. In group chat, usually when someone insulted me, I’d say ‘God bless you,’ after Jesus’s commandment to ‘bless those that curse you,’ in His sermon on the mount. But one guy kept saying that I didn’t need to take anti-psychotics, so I got annoyed with that.

We must talk about the gift of forgiveness. God forgives each and every one of us, whether we want it or not. But usually, people won’t forgive each other. I tell a lady that I asked her pastor if she could get a job as a leader in her church and she says that I just wanted to be nosey! I implored her forgiveness, because usually, I rebuke her, but I was trying to be humble, to help me get through the 20th aerial toll house (the toll house of unmercifulness).

A lot of people won’t forgive me, even for just being a schizophrenic on a pension. They interpret it as something unclean. Usually men and women from my old high school would conversation wall me on Facebook. That’s why I no longer have Facebook, because of the profound lack of respect I get from other people.

But loving enemies will give you some relief in the next life. It may take you out of the lake of fire! People can’t even love their family members, yet Jesus is expecting us to love our enemies! I pray God may have mercy on me, to at least love my family, friends, and if at all possible, those that irritate me. Lord have mercy.

Diary Entries 26/02/21 to 07/03/21

I didn’t write diary entries for every day of the year, so some dates are missing. I was very lazy at making diary entries in my journal.

26/02/21

I went to English conversation group on Friday and sold 1 book. I also watched a video on YouTube about ways to raise your vibration. This includes not hanging out with low vibe people, eating healthily, dancing, and practising gratitude.

02/03/21

When I wrote down the date for this diary entry, I was trying to figure out whether it was 2020 or 2021. I guess I started this diary writing at my support worker’s suggestion as a guide to myself.

I had art therapy today, where I did grouting. It was quite hard, and I did not do it well. I did social tennis in the evening, where I got very tired.

04/03/21

Well, today was a beautiful day. I can imagine myself to be like a master by the time I’m old with lots of years of meditation under my belt.

I managed to enjoy the start of fall in Australia. The lowering of temperature is nice. Still, I miss the camps I went on back in 2005, when the world was cooler, when I was younger, when I was thinner…

07/03/21

There were disgruntled kids on the bus today. What I wouldn’t give for a badass attitude. What I wouldn’t give for a few hundred thousand dollars in my bank account. What I wouldn’t give to be a tough guy who commands respect from all. So much for all the discipline I got from cadets…

The day I walked away

1 Samuel 16:14: ‘And the spirit of the Lord left Saul, and was replaced by an unclean spirit.’ This verse very much resonates in my life, and the life in so many mentally ill Christians who feel abandoned by God. But the reality is, Saul walked away from God, God did not walk away from Saul.

As I walked away from God in 2006, I remember me becoming the habitation of demonic spirits and unclean passions that have gnawed at my soul until this day. As I get more self-actualized, I realise it wasn’t God who walked away from me. I walked away from God.

We don’t have to be apologetic or look at scripture verses to see whether we are going to hell or not. Just ask yourself the question ‘do I bear hatred or resentment towards anybody in my life?’ If the answer is ‘yes’, you will certainly be in hell in the next life. As I have failed to forgive, so God will not forgive me. This is the fire that never is quenched, and the worm that does not sleep. God help me.

Nobody cares

I feel so cold and alone. This feels like the cold of Tartarus. Hell is both too hot and too cold at the same time.

I’d like to apologize to all my friends whom I’ve offended with my various ungrateful and evil words I’ve said to them. I hope you find it within your heart to forgive me, as I have autism and schizoaffective disorder.

Life is a nightmare. Even in the midst of comfort, we feel lonely and without God. I just hope God gives rest to all those of my family and friends who have fallen asleep – the sleep of death.

I can’t even speak other languages properly. The blogs I write are at a year 7 English standard. I tried to write Chinese and Japanese but they are at a grade 1 equivalent standard.

I give a shout out to all my qq friends who read my blog. I uninstalled qq from my tablet. Now I can’t find qq international or tencent qq in the play store. Guess Scott Morrison really hates Chinese enterprises.

Forgive me, it is all my fault. But then again, nobody cares. I will be left all alone, in the end.

I am going at my own pace

Today is the 9th of July 2021. I must admit, I haven’t amounted to much in the world’s eyes. I haven’t got a degree, I don’t drive a car, I don’t have a full time job. But one of my teachers at my English conversation group said I am ‘well-red’. Indeed, I like to read books, and I mean paperback books, not articles online and e-books.

Recently I read ‘Pope Francis, an authorised biography.’ I highly recommend this book. It says that Pope Francis had a profound sense of humility, which is the reason it didn’t take long for the Sistine Chapel to declare him Pope in the selection process. He is of Argentinian origin. His former name as a Cardinal was Jorje Bergoglio.

I also read ‘The search for Spock,’ by Gene Roddenberry. It was a thrilling read. They essentially bring Spock back to life by a complex series of events. If you like classic Star Trek, this book is for you.

Though I have written about book reviews in this post, I am also wanting to discuss other topics. When I say ‘I go at my own pace,’ I mean that I play it safe, I stay within my boundaries, and I do care what other people think. If I didn’t care what other people think, I could get in serious trouble with the police! I think when people say ‘I don’t care what others think,’ they really mean that they are ambitious and driven. I am not ambitious in the world’s eyes. But I am a man of prayer.

For example, I pray for the souls of the dead, such as for my grandparents, and for those whom I’ve known who passed away before me. According to the Orthodox Church, the souls of the dead usually need our prayers, both alone and at the divine services, as they didn’t usually attain to the level of Sainthood, so could be in danger of hell fire. But our prayers could take them up out of hell. Or rather, it could convince them to implore God’s mercy in that fire, until God changes his decision about their soul.

Thank you to all who read my blog. God bless you all, and I hope the Antichrist doesn’t come in my time!

Blog update 7/07/21

Hello to all who view my blog. This video, as well as the entire Gregory Decapolite YouTube channel, is the reason I personally would prefer not to take the Covid 19 vaccine, until the authorities start torturing me. I pray Christ will help me in that hour of torment!

I know several of my friends view my blog, so I wanted other people’s opinions on this channel. Is it reliable? Is it fake? The testimony of my conscience is that this channel is true, as when Christ will accuse me of all the sins I have done in my life, at the last judgement, I will reply ‘Yes, master, these accusations are just and true.’

I secretly don’t think I will get into heaven. My faith in Christ is very weak. I just wonder, if I had been more accepting of my mental illness, had I borne my mental illness in 2006 without attempting suicide, would I of been able to lead more people to Christ? Would I of prevented the end of the world through encouraging my brothers and sisters in the faith? I am deeply saddened by my sins.

Blog update 02/07/2021

I tried creating a stripe account to earn money from donations, but as I looked into it, it was more geared towards membership and premium content. I really regret monetizing my site, as I don’t earn any money from advertising.

I couldn’t even start a business. It’s easier to go up to strangers and ask for donations in the street than it is to earn money from advertising on WordPress. I tried getting advertising money on YouTube, but I need 1000 subscribers and 4000 hours worth of people viewing my content in a 1 year period.

Fancy that! The most profit I made apart from my pension is selling books to my friends.

If I were to make a blog about Orthodoxy, I’d make my disciples twice as mentally ill and suicidal as I am. I really regret trying to make it big on WordPress. My mind and ideas are faecal matter, anyway.

If anybody who reads this has any ideas on making money, in case Centrelink cuts my pension, I’d be grateful.

Diary entries 17/02/21 to 25/02/21

These are more of my boring musings. I still haven’t made any money from advertising on WordPress. Maybe I should set up that part of WordPress where I can accept donations, not that anybody would care.

17/02/21

Today I felt more despair than usual. This is probably because I put so little effort into living my life. As my former psychologist said ‘You have a very poor quality of life, James.’ Today was a lot more cooler than usual for a summer’s day. As soon as I think of that, I think of the song ‘summer rain.’

20/02/21

Wow. I’ve existed for 31 years. I feel old already. I wanted to try something new today. Instead of almsgiving, I will sell books. Wish me luck.

23/02/21

The vaccine is being rolled out. Soon it will be my turn to take my mandatory government vaccine. I hope the vaccine doesn’t produce genetically-modified people who will bow before the coming Anti-Christ, as the Old Calendar Zealots theorise.

25/02/21

I am kind of glad that I never joined the Australian Defence Force. Shame on those asking money for ADF veterans! With skills in the army, they can work in private security or the police force. A veteran has to remain with the ADF for 25 years before they can be considered a veteran. Fancy that! Where did all their money go from the 25 years of service they endured! I only got a lousy cadet encouragement award from my 7 months in cadets. Were it so easy….