My best sparring video

This is my best video of me sparring with my friend. The video was recorded by my other friend. Funnily enough, even though I suffer from schizophrenia and autism, I still have at least 2 friends.

I say it is the best, mainly because my legs are most flexible in this video. I do stretching mainly once every 2 days, but it is not enough for me to get flexible. I’m still too unfit to join a class. I do not drive, so I must take bus to potential martial arts classes, so the walking to and from bus stops is a bit difficult, combined with the hardships of the martial arts classes, coupled with the fact that I’m just under 120kg or around 270 pounds.

Hope I can earn a dollar from advertising revenue…

Me getting punched in the face

This is my video of me being punched in the face while wearing headgear. It certainly wasn’t comfortable for me!

Subscribe my YouTube channel if you like backyard sparring! As much as I’m Orthodox Christian, I have a fear of violence so I like to do mild sparring every so often, to not be so afraid if I get assaulted on public transport.

I don’t do classes, as I’m so lazy, and I don’t like the martial arts instructors around my area. They push me until I pass out or vomit. So I just do it with a friend who understands how weak I truly am!

Diary entries 28/01/21 to 31/01/21

I don’t think anybody would even care about my blog. I just paid a subscription to a premium account, hope I can make a dollar or two. Anyway, more writings of a madman.

28/01/21

Man, summer is hot. I really don’t like Brisbane summers, even though they are quite temperate. I never liked summers since I became obese. I could stand summers until about 15 years ago, when I started gaining weight due to increased hunger due to medication side effects. Fortunately, I have air conditioning in my room now.

29/01/21

This year is 2021 not 2020, which I have to keep reminding myself with. What a pitiful state I’m in! What thoughts shall I share for today? I better go read my EOB, or Eastern Orthodox Bible. I really lack the focus to press on!

31/01/21

I forgot to write a diary entry for yesterday, which is of no consequence. I’m trying to write down my wisdom and my thoughts.

Those who can forgive everybody perfectly from the heart are greater than those who can raise the dead.

Yesterday I went to a Russian Church in South Brisbane for a vigil. Today I went to a Presbyterian Church in my city to be with my mom’s friends.

Diary entrees 26/01/21 to 27/01/21

These are the first of my recorded diary entrees. They are the diary entrees of a madman, but who takes his medication. The names of people I have omitted.

26/01/21

Today starts my diary, which was recommended by my support worker from the NDIS. Today I was with my support worker. I went with him to Wellington Point. Before that, he drove me to Chatterbox at Mount Gravatt Plaza to order a salad sandwich for myself.

My thoughts for today are: I must only take one day at a time, be grateful for all God has given me, and being glad I’m still alive. The vaccine for Covid 19 is scheduled to be rolled out here soon, I have some misgivings about it. God be merciful to us all.

27/01/21

Life is long, and the journey endless. I don’t think I will rejoice in my old age. I wrote this entry when the day just started. I woke up late, after a good night’s sleep. I need to call my support coordinator, to reschedule a time for my support worker to come over, as I will be at the Gold Coast next Tuesday. May God have mercy on us all.

Labour Day 2021

I can’t believe I’m still alive. I swore I’d die before I was 18 years old, but I lived to 31 years old. I swore to myself like that because I was severely mentally ill, and I didn’t receive shock therapy yet. Shock therapy really helped my treatment-resistant psychosis.

Anyway, today was labour day, so I decided to try using public transport, to see how frequently the buses ran on a public holiday. Practically nobody was on the buses going into the city.

Anyway, I got out and had a walk around kangaroo point cliffs. I always wanted to own a home there, to always be able to look out upon the Brisbane city river. That dream will most likely never come to pass, but while I was there, I managed to take a few photos of the river and sent them to my mom.

While I was there, I did something brave. There was an Asian couple sitting across from me at Kangaroo Point. I could hear what they were saying. They were speaking Japanese! I had learnt that language at high school. So I, being socially awkward, once I got the courage to speak to them, I asked them if they liked music, because there was a loud concert going on across the river. The lady answered and said ‘yes, I do.’ Then I said, ‘which city are you from in Japan?’ She said ‘Yokohama.’ I said ‘What is your name?’ She said ‘Aya.’ Then there was a silence, they began speaking to each other, so I walked off.

The Japanese, if you are language buffs, goes something like this.  僕は’音楽が好きですか?’と言いました。 あやは’はい’と言いました。 僕は’日本ではどんな町から来ましたか。’と言いました。 あやは’横浜。’と言いました。 僕は’お名前は何ですか、’と言いました。 あやは’あやです。’

I commended myself for being brave enough to talk to a stranger, as I remember when I talked to too many strangers 10 years ago when I was mentally unwell, and I was ashamed of my behaviour.

Anyway, I’m not good at finding topics to talk about. Better luck next time for me.

My life so far April fools day 2021

I’m not sure how long I’ve had this WordPress blog for.

I’ve been wondering if somebody else could tell me. I would have difficulty navigating my settings.

I would like to know how to make money on WordPress too lol. I tried the YouTube idea, but I didn’t get enough views or subscribers. To make money from advertising on YouTube, you must have 1000 subscribers and 4000 hours worth of viewing time from other users in the past year. I had trouble getting subscribers and also getting people to watch my poorly designed videos.

Anyway, to my life so far. My mom’s mom passed away recently. I have so much more anxiety now than when my grandpas passed away in 2006. I am more conscious of the fear of death, and the imminent expectation of being thrown into hell after I die. I wish I was more Godly. Maybe had I been an actual Saint, Coronavirus wouldn’t of happened.

My grandma outlived both my grandpas by 15 years. I don’t know how long I’ll live. I wish I’d pass away before mum and dad, to save me the heartache of missing them. But since I’m so highly medicated, probably I will die first, as medication shortens lifespan quite a bit.

But I do pray for the souls of the dead, and my friends who are still alive here on Earth. Life is a nightmare. I think if we were all to live 1000 years, we still could not do enough works to become a Saint.

God help us all. Amen.

My life so far 27/12/20

Wow, Covid-19 has really shocked the world this year. I just hope all who come across my blog have been safe this year, protected by God from disease, illness, sudden death, foreign invasion, and anything that may frighten and perplex the human soul.

I didn’t catch the virus this year. Here in Queensland, the government has done an exemplary job of protecting its citizens from Covid-19. My friends in Brisbane were all protected from it, too.

Nonetheless, I have some things to say to all people in Brisbane. We must all repent. Jesus said in the Gospels ‘Do you think that the Galileans whom the tower of Siloam fell on were worse sinners than they? No, I tell you, unless you all repent, you will all perish.’ Stop fornicating, because it destroys the communion between each person’s souls. Stop committing adultery, God declared marriage holy, and the wedding bed undefiled.

Do not get angry at others, let others have their way. Because life is a nightmare, we should not impose our wills upon anybody. God didn’t force us to love Him by coercion, He gave us the freedom to walk away from Him. But how blessed will we be, if we love Him with all our heart! God gave us free will, so by using our free will properly, we would inherit a greater reward in heaven than the oceans, earth, trees, and animals who obey God by default.

God has taught me much during my life. I would not have my mental illness removed or my experiences in life erased for all the treasure on earth, because without mental illness, I would not have even begun to cultivate humility. As St John Climacus says in the Ladder of Divine Ascent, ‘Without humility, nobody shall enter the bridal chamber.’ That bridal chamber is the Kingdom of heaven.

So let us all think the least of ourselves, not quarrelling with others over senseless matters. Let us be humble, then shall the light of Christ shine in others. And even if many reject the light, the humble shall still be at peace.

I shall leave you with a monastic saying of the desert fathers, for all Christians struggling with temptation in Brisbane: ‘Even if we never enter the promised land, it is best that we leave our bones to lie in the desert, then return to slavery in Egypt.’

Take it easy

Greetings everybody. My topic is ‘taking it easy’. People seem to always be on the go, go, go. I live in the slow lane. But the thing about always being on the go, is that you can frequently get burnt out.

I have been sick for about a week with a cold. I thank God everyday for this cold, as it leads me towards perfect humility. As an Orthodox ascetic once said ‘As satan was bound and cast out from heaven due to his pride, so to re-enter paradise, we must have humility.’ So I thank God each and every day for the bad things that happen to me. It makes me realise my weakness, and depend more and more on God.

The Lord says to St Paul in one of his epistles ‘My grace is sufficient for you. In your weakness, my strength is made manifest.’ This is one of the verses the Pentecostals would NOT underline in their bible. The miracles of the pentecostal and charismatic churches are false and demonic, don’t trust them.

One of the things that delights the Lord is ‘sickness borne with patience, as this brings great joy to the Lord in our affliction’. Our patience proves whether we are worthy of receiving paradise, when the end of our life comes.

Anyway, getting back on topic, take things one day at a time. It’s no good if you burn yourself out and end up committing suicide. Stay alive! Because Jesus Christ has a great reward in place for you after your faith has been proven true through the furnace of tribulation.

My youtube account

Hello everybody. I am surprised how many good and honest people would even regard my blog. Thank you to all the nice people out there who support me on my journey to heaven!

I started a youtube account, which I pay premium for. I’m hoping people will like my videos. My channel’s name is ‘Mr Keai’, which means ‘Mr cute’ in chinese. Chinese language does not distinguish between the adjectives ‘lovely’ and ‘cute’. So my real name ‘James Owen Lovely’ is just ‘James Owen Cute’ in chinese equivalent. Otherwise in pinyin it’s known as Zhanmushi Ouwen Keai.

Anyway, my serious advice to all people seeking the kingdom of God, take one day at a time, go easy on yourself, especially if you are going to have a mental breakdown. In 2006, when I was acutely manic, I was doing high school, air force cadets, tai chi, and tae kwon do, then I lost my mind and ended up in hospital!

I don’t believe in the saying ‘no pain, no gain’. I believe, ‘push yourself too hard and you will get injured.’ I realise a lot of people out there will not understand weak people like me, such as David Goggins, or Jordan Peterson. But they have a certain mindset and set of genetics that makes them extremely tough. I am not like that.

I do not think I will ever become a CEO, or even any kind of leader, for that matter. But God gives gifts to everybody, some He withholds from others, while giving to someone else. Anyway, I’ll try to post my youtube link, so you can enjoy all my youtube videos. God bless!

Yay! It worked! Hope you all enjoy!

What a person needs to do

Welcome to my blog. I hope that my website is not too disturbing.

I will most likely upgrade to premium, in the hopes I can make a few cents from wordpress. I believe it works by people clicking on advertising associated with my site?

I’m not an impressive blogger. My blog posts are really short. But I do this largely to increase my ability to write, so hopefully I can write a book and make a few dollars.

My first book would be about ethics. Personally, I am an Orthodox Christian, but I support asian religions, such as taoism and buddhism. But before my conversion to Orthodoxy, I was a protestant.

Life can be a nightmare for most of us, so I understand if people want to pleasure themselves with innocent things like junkfood, coffee, chocolate, vanity, and warm showers. I sympathise with people who need more intense kicks, such as porn, street drugs, risky sex, alcohol, cigarettes and gambling, as in this life, it feels as though God has left society.

My advice to mentally ill people like me is: practice mindfulness, limit the amount of risky pleasures you engage in, try eating one healthy thing a day, get enough sleep, take one day at a time, God appreciates your efforts. Life is beautiful on the correct dose of medications.

My advice to husbands is: love and cherish your wives. Look after them. I wouldn’t throw out my pets, so why should we forsake the wife of our youth?

Life is difficult, God seems to be unable to understand mental illness, but there is hope, maybe you can write a book, and teach me how to make money lol.