This is my attempt at exercise a couple of nights back, when I weighed 122.2kg. When I stepped on the scales tonight, I weighed 122.5kg. Fancy that. Weight never goes down. At least it isn’t rapidly increasing.
I need the extra meds because I am so unstable in my life. I can not cope, not with the loss of grandma and some of her cats. It puts a terrible strain on me, and reminds me that my own parents will most likely go before me.
I will really miss my parents if they go before me. I hope they make it to heaven. It feels lonely here, as they are celebrating their 44th wedding anniversary somewhere nearby. But I bless them.
Well, not everything is silent tonight. My parents are entertaining themselves by watching the TV.
It is the night before my depot injection of anti-psychotic. I look forward to receiving a boost of anti-psychotic to treat my schizoaffective disorder.
I also bought extra meds from the late-night pharmacy because I wanted a little extra help getting to sleep. The meds provide some sedative effect.
I wouldn’t recommend anybody to go on anti-depressants or anti-psychotics. You become dependent on them. But, only take them if you are a danger to yourself or others, and you have exhausted all other options.
But, I recommend to my friends that they learn humility. Simple humility is the patient acceptance of what life offers us, health or sickness, wealth or poverty, honours or dishonours; knowing everything comes from God. He wouldn’t allow such things to come upon you if it weren’t for your eternal benefit.
Life is tough, I know. Some people breeze through life. Others, like me, struggle.
I do try to bless the Holy Trinity, but I do learn mindfulness, so that I can forgive the memories of the traumas I’ve received.
Forgiveness is a continual process. It involves accepting what happened in the past, and blessing the situation and person who dishonoured you.
I looked on the news about a model from Sweden who was tired of men hitting on her at the gym. It said it was because she was ‘too hot.’ I guess I have a long way to go in the attractiveness department, even though I have delusions that I am the perfect guy.
Life teaches me humility, as I often am not shown respect because of the severity of my many disabilities. So I am basically a doormat. I’m not good at setting boundaries.
I remember my school principal described my behaviour in beating a fellow student in 2003 as ‘acting like idiots.’ I could say a lot of people ‘act like idiots.’ Psychiatrists who violate the rights of their patients are acting like idiots. Priests who look down on the mentally ill are acting like idiots.
People have got to stop stuffing up and repent. Or else God will wipe out this planet. By making the communists act like idiots and we nuke the crap out of each other. Fancy that.
I realise nobody much cares for my blog. Oh well. Doesn’t matter.
I hope those who follow this blog have more positive vibes than I’m having today…
This is me doing 10 push ups. I am really struggling to do push ups. I weigh a lot.
I can not do a pull up on my current weight range. When I was 60kg and in grade 9 I could do about 8 pull ups, but only about 10 push ups. Now, push ups are easier than pull ups, because of my heavy weight.
I thank you all for following me. I thank you all for blessing me with your company.