It is a cool, humid night….

I noticed my most viewed blog post recently was ‘weak sparring.’ I believe the title sums it up in its entirety.

To be good at hand-to-hand combat, you got to be a tough guy. I am not a tough guy.

I was viewing videos about the selection process women and men use to get dates. Women are a huge amount more picky than guys. It is not the 20/80 rule, on tinder it is the 2/98 rule. I believe that rule is the top 20% of guys get 80% of the women, well on tinder, the top 2% of guys get 98% of the women.

Some guys go on tinder for years without getting a single date. Whereas a woman will have multiple sexual partners through tinder. I just hope the women don’t fall ill due to STIs.

Me? I’m a virgin. It is something I’m proud of, as I do not want to take the risk. I don’t want to become a father, as I’m practically useless. If my local church wouldn’t hire me as a minister, how would you expect me to get a job flipping burgers at my local McDonald’s?

In some ways, you got to be a tough guy to be attractive to a potential mate. The alpha males get women easily. I am not a Chad. I believe the proper name for me is ‘soyboy.’

Lord, have mercy on all the souls that are destined for hell, including my own.

My birthday

Dear WordPress. This morning is a good morning. I am sort of forgiving my enemies. My medication seems to be doing its job.

I had a birthday celebration on the 25th of September, as my birthday is on the 27th of September. It was fun for a brief moment of my existence. I just wish I had the capacity to achieve theosis.

Life is either boring or a nightmare. For me, it is more boring, as my medication is finally working.

It is the school holidays now. Maybe after art therapy I will spend time in the library reading my books. Wish me luck! God bless you all.

5 days before Christmas

I am 29 years old and on a high dose of anti-psychotic medication. I try to keep my faith alive in Christ, but although my fear of hell is not lessening, I surely am driven to despair.

I judge my neighbor. I bear hatred and resentment against most who have ever offended me. I do not do the works of righteousness, even much less than many people. I pray God will deliver me.

God has shown me in life, that even after death, we still exist. He has created all humans for eternity, to populate His Kingdom, regardless of whether we like it or not.

Life is continual. The state we are in when we die is the state we will be in in eternity. So, if we hate our relative at the point of death, then we will burn forever in our own hatreds.

God has given each of us enough time to repent, to read the bible, to do the works fitting of righteousness. While some are like me, and despair, we are given such trials to make us stronger.

Thank you to all my friends and family who have supported me throughout the years. They know who they are.

Pray for me. God bless you.

Masturbation, the futility of despair

There was once a handsome gentleman called James. He was in love with a beautiful woman named Audrey. She had beautiful long black hair, and she was perfect in beauty and holiness. They agreed they would not have sex before marriage. So they existed together in perfect communion and bliss.

But one day, James met another girl called Luxifu. She was not as beautiful as Audrey, but she was sexy and hot, and seduced James to lie with her. After he had committed this wicked act, he rushed towards Audrey, and falling on his knees, said ‘Audrey! I have played the harlot with another woman, I am no longer worthy to be your fiance. But please, have mercy on me, and through your prayers grant me the strength to resist this evil woman who has seduced me.’ Audrey, without losing her cool, said ‘I forgive you, go your way sin no more.’

No sooner had he said these awe-inspiring words, and deleted Luxifu’s number out of his contact list, that Luxifu met him in the back alley, and used her erotic charm to seduce him once again. He lied with her again, and then she mysteriously left. But he remembered Audrey, and this awful sin he committed against her, and so phoned her and said ‘I have sinned this great sin again, I am no longer worthy to be called your servant.’ And Audrey said ‘I will pray for you, that you be no longer tormented by her.’

After Audrey and James’s reconciliation, as he was walking along the street, Luxifu appeared to James. James recoiled in horror, and told her ‘Get away from me! I already have a fiancee!’ Luxifu said ‘You can not resist me. Come with me, and let us take our share of love on the bed of your house.’ So he committed adultery yet again. Yet afterward he would always come back to Audrey, weeping, and beg her forgiveness. This behavior happened not for one or two years, but for more than ten years.

After all this, James ran back to Audrey, asking her forgiveness. And just as he was about to ask Audrey’s forgiveness, Luxifu came into the room, and began to beat James severely. As he was lying on the ground, black and blue, she turned to Audrey and said ‘What will become of the two of us, Shangdi Audrey? Your mercy and compassion takes the ground I have gained in this man’s soul. Why don’t you just burn him up? He has cheated on you for 10 years, yet you still love and adore him.’

‘In what way can you be called a just judge, Audrey? While I was cast out of heaven for a little breach of pride, to this man, a fornicator, sodomite and prodigal, you calmly show your sympathy and kindness. For as I see it, you receive individual people with great kindness, but ignore justice in general.’ Luxifu was fuming with rage and contempt, while a black flame poured from her nostrils.

Audrey then spoke back to Luxifu. ‘Oh all cunning and ruinous dragon, are you not yet satisfied with your destructive desire to gobble up the whole world? Can you, by making him sin, tip the scales of justice against the blood I shed on the cross? Behold my murder and my death, which I endured because I love this man.’

‘You, when you seduce him, never turn him away or cause him to repent. So likewise, I, who counselled my beloved friend Peter to forgive 77 times 7, neither turn him away, nor shun his prayers, or his pleas for my mercy.’

‘We have heard all that you say, oh seducer, that I am not just. On the contrary, I am just beyond all. In whatever state I find a man, there I will judge him. See James’s repentance, which he has shown towards me, entreating my forgiveness, and thereby having conquered you. He never lost his love for me, despite your seductions, for which he is honoured. As for you, may your hate be shred to pieces and you disgraced.’

Suddenly Luxifu started to burn, burn with unbelievable heat, which devoured her, until she exploded. Audrey touched James, lifted him up, and healed his wounds. Then they got married, and James was never unfaithful to Audrey again.