God bless, brother

Shout out to all my homies in China, who with great humility do their jobs in life, and with toil successfully achieve their goals and ambitions in life.

I could never survive in China, unless my parents looked after me, due to my mental illness which causes deterioration in my psyche. When I first got sick and was at Brisbane State High School, I was psycho-retarded. It was a real tragedy. I couldn’t study, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, because the voices were relentlessly accusing me.

I certainly would not be able to get into Beijing University. And it would be a waste of money for my parents to send me there, as I’d never be able to get a job anywhere, due to my disability.

So shout out to all my friends on qq who are really successful and ambitious in life. Chase excellence, not women.

Shout out to mr human for his continued grace and kindness to me. You are a legend, brother! Play PUBG as much as you please!

A daggy letter

Really, commander? I suppose my life has its ups and downs. But to be continually bored, with some relief praying and doing gentle stretches, is much of a bummer.

I did push ups the other day on YouTube! It looks like I only did 10 of them, but I actually did 11.

I’m a bit upset that church members often discriminate against people with disabilities. That’s why I don’t take the time very much to go to churches nowadays.

I suppose, even if I did lose weight, I have got to know how to protect myself and learn to stand up for myself or disengage from a situation if it becomes too much for me. Even some of the leaders on training week 2005 were not so nice to me, just because I was weird. At least I didn’t harass girls back then.

Everywhere I go, there is bound to be a leader who will pick on me. And they never apologize for it, either! If only they knew the punishments they’d receive in hell, they’d run to me for confession! Because I’m a Godly man and a Saint, I have endured the abuse of thousands of people, and I never resist them!

I wish I received more praise for my holiness. Oh well, maybe it is better to acquire even more humility. Less praise means the cutting off of vainglory.

I think I’m androgynous

When is a man not a man? When he is pumped so full of anti-psychotics that he produces more oestrogen than testosterone. It’s a wonderful feeling! I recommend it!

Just kidding. It helps with celibacy, if that’s what you are going for. I hope to abstain from marriage for as long as I live, unless I become a priest or other full-time worker. Or my mental illness is cured.

Redpill Chris on YouTube said the reason why I like an older woman. It is because I’m not manly and want a mum. Only Chads want beautiful young women. I’m not a chad. I’m a soyboy and a simp. I’m also a coomer.

So yeah, I’m not manly. I guess it helps with celibacy as well, as I don’t have the confidence to ask out women. So I die alone, like Saul first king of Israel.

God bless the other soyboys out there!

Cancelled my plan

I chose to cancel my paid website, as I wasn’t generating any money on advertising.

Nobody really cared about my blog much anyway, and I never had nothing much to say.

Humility? If I am humble, people look at me as though I’m really sick. My friends ignore the fact I’m humble, and question whether I see things as they really are.

I will take my message of humility elsewhere. From the lake of fire, you will all remember my words ‘as Satan was bound and cast out of heaven due to his pride, so to of entered paradise, YOU SHOULD OF HAD HUMILITY.’

Humility is not self-deprecation. It’s not what the priests of the Orthodox church in my city have. It means where you endure every dishonour from others and from illness as coming from the hand of God, to lead you to repentance.

As I said in my thoughts, Australia should stop stuffing up, but the majority of people, whether in the church or not, have blasphemed against the Holy Ghost. I am all alone, I fear for this generation once I get taken to heaven. Why do I still have to be here? LORD HAVE MERCY!

Sometimes it is good to just vent

Yes, I do complain a lot about my life on this blog. Possibly because I have nothing to say.

I talk about humility, but nobody wants to buy humility anymore, or see a real example of it.

So yeah, my blog is pretty boring.

I miss the days when I used to have something to do everyday, like before I took anti-psychotic medication. I miss the times when I was actually fit and could do a lot of things. My current life is very insulting to my ego and pride, as I just hang around other people with mental illness.

If I could choose to be mentally ill or not, I’d choose to be well, because I would of learnt humility from my fasting and goodness of character. I do not think mental illness could of accelerated my development, instead it would of hindered it by slowing me down.

Most of the meds make you pack on weight. Fasting is critical to a moral lifestyle. As Jesus said ‘this demon cometh not out except by prayer and fasting.’ So fasting is very critical for us to push out the sins from our heart. And it is near impossible to fast while taking meds that cause weight gain. They just make you eat and eat and eat.

I feel that when I go to the GP next Wednesday, I will weigh at least 121kg. I hope I don’t have a heart attack.

My small pleasures

As much as I want to attain enlightenment, I do tend to waste my time. Some of my pleasures include computer gaming, YouTube, WordPress, qi gong, gentle stretches, piano playing, and going to the library to read books I purchased from the St Vincent de Paul society.

The computer games I play include Farm Dream; Village Harvest, War Planet Online Global Conquest, Civilisation 4 mods, Borderlands 1 and 2, Starcraft 2, Empire Earth 1, Unreal Tournament 2004, Civilisation 5, Civilisation 3, and Eschalon 1 and 2.

So yeah, I have quite a lot of entertainment, but honestly; I never find peace. I do practice mindfulness once a day on YouTube, it gives me a little respite. Basically I have a foggy head usually from medication and psychosis that never goes away. The psychosis is managed, but the effects of it are still there, apart from the lack of function associated with psychosis.

I am fairly disabled, but I would say I’m moderate functioning. I am not intellectually impaired, but I’m not a full time worker either. High functioning people are the people who have jobs, drive cars, and get married. Low functioning are the autistics that rock their heads back and forth, with inability to communicate properly. As you see here, I can communicate fairly well.

I just wish I had more discipline in my life. I am not a very disciplined person. I do things when I feel like doing them. Depends on how tired I am on the day.

WordPress vs YouTube

It sure is easier to attract readers on WordPress than to attract people to watch my videos on YouTube. Maybe it is because I don’t add tags to my YouTube videos.

I remember why I took the vaccine, even though I am an anti-vaxxer. I owe the Australian government my loyalty. They have given me at least 200 000 dollars over the last 13 years I’ve been on a disability support pension. Even though I nearly spent it all, I do owe the Australian government my obedience.

I am expendable, if the vaccine will eventually kill me. I do not deserve to live. I have never paid any taxes. I have only worked less than 10 hours in total in all my life. Even if the vaccine does not kill me, my medication for my mental illness will.

God said ‘no one can serve two masters.’ I guess I’m more loyal to the secular humanist state than I am to Christendom. I have endured a lot of social rejection at churches, both Protestant and Orthodox. Therefore I attribute blame to God.

I must be a really ugly person to of only ever had 1 girlfriend in all my life. Maybe I am not even a 2 out of 10, maybe I am just a 1. I am 120kg, and counting. But I can still do gentle exercise without vomiting too much. Sorry, that was a little bit of a bad joke at the end there. I don’t exercise unless I’ve had 2-3 hours without food.

Talking to new people

I use a dating app to communicate with new people. Apparently, I’m only allowed to initiate new conversation with another person twice every 24 hours. So I don’t get much opportunity to make new friends. Thank God I don’t have to pay for that app.

I might terminate my paid subscription to WordPress by next year. I’m simply not getting enough advertising. I make zero advertising revenue. Nobody much cares about my blog. Oh well.

Apart from that, a new support worker came over. He told me that not everybody despises me, particularly young women. I’m getting over the hill when it comes to dating. I should accept mandatory celibacy, as nobody wants me, once they hear my life story.

Oh well. Nothing I can do. Hope this short post enlightens the reader as to my circumstances. Read the other posts on this blog to find out about my condition. My mind isn’t full of faeces altogether….

Chemical lobotomies

If I didn’t take my medication, I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep at night.

2017 was a taxing year during the winter, when I had my worst psychosis. I believed I was going to jail, I believed people were following me, due to me hearing voices coming from nearby houses. I heard things like ‘he’s weird’ or ‘he’s acting really weird.’ They would usually accuse me, so I would often confess to others that I was a Christian terrorist, and then ask ‘what else do you want me to confess?’ like everything was a court tribunal.

I often asked my mom ‘what are you not telling me?’ due to my paranoia. I was waiting for the end. I prayed in the mental hospital ‘Lord, do not let me live to see the end.’ I felt like I was going to be killed by gangsters, who would kill everybody dear to me. I imagined there were gangsters in one of the hospitals I was in, who were on a mission to kill me.

But all these delusions stopped once I had the 3 rounds of shock therapy. I felt much better after that. But I have experienced a profound lack of respect from others inside the churches, whether Protestant or Orthodox. That’s why I don’t go to protestant churches anymore. They use a heat scanner on me to check for infection, but they don’t scan anybody else in the congregation.

Yeah. I think a lot of people need fixing up by the police services, even correcting them in the congregation. Pity the jails are full. Society is entitled to rejecting whoever it wants. Society, and particularly churches, are not inclusive.

It is a cool, humid night….

I noticed my most viewed blog post recently was ‘weak sparring.’ I believe the title sums it up in its entirety.

To be good at hand-to-hand combat, you got to be a tough guy. I am not a tough guy.

I was viewing videos about the selection process women and men use to get dates. Women are a huge amount more picky than guys. It is not the 20/80 rule, on tinder it is the 2/98 rule. I believe that rule is the top 20% of guys get 80% of the women, well on tinder, the top 2% of guys get 98% of the women.

Some guys go on tinder for years without getting a single date. Whereas a woman will have multiple sexual partners through tinder. I just hope the women don’t fall ill due to STIs.

Me? I’m a virgin. It is something I’m proud of, as I do not want to take the risk. I don’t want to become a father, as I’m practically useless. If my local church wouldn’t hire me as a minister, how would you expect me to get a job flipping burgers at my local McDonald’s?

In some ways, you got to be a tough guy to be attractive to a potential mate. The alpha males get women easily. I am not a Chad. I believe the proper name for me is ‘soyboy.’

Lord, have mercy on all the souls that are destined for hell, including my own.