Schizophrenics have it very tough

I have often heard narcissistic people tell me ‘get over it,’ or ‘pull your socks up,’ when they just don’t understand mental illness. Firstly, schizophrenia (and schizoaffective disorder, too) are CHRONIC and SEVERE mental illnesses. Schizophrenics just can’t ‘snap out of it.’ The brain is sick, and what doesn’t help is social rejection by half-wits in the community and at churches. It doesn’t help that we’ll most likely die alone, without ever having a relationship.

People without mental illnesses generally suffer heightened narcissism, a lack of empathy, a lack of humility and a lack of understanding about what schizophrenics go through on a daily basis. Not only that, but the mental health system is like the police service, they don’t do a good job.

2 things you can do to relieve a schizophrenic; DON’T FORCE MEDICATION DOWN THEIR THROATS. That is biological rape. And also, don’t spit in their faces, because if you had their condition, you’d be dead already in the grave from suicide. SO SHUT UP AND STOP BLAMING US FOR OUR CONDITION!!!!!!

My previous life of Tae Kwon Do

This is one of the least viewed videos on my YouTube channel.

This is what remains after a long absence from proper Tae kwon do classes.

I did my white belt and 2 yellow belt gradings before I was put on medication. Only after blue belt do they have sparring gradings in my previous Tae kwon do facility.

I did only one grading with sparring before I quit, because I got kicked to the ground, making me lose all my points on sparring. The instructors usually judge fairly harshly and critically. It is not catered for people with disabilities.

I wouldn’t recommend Moon Lee Tae kwon do for anybody except if you have toughness, or looking for something to add to your military or police career. Martial arts are not for everybody.

It’s recommended you have a job before doing the classes. If you can’t work a job and survive on a disability pension for mental illness, what kind of mental toughness do you have? If you try to act tough, the police will beat you up.

The police usually pick on the homeless or mentally ill person, and nobody stands up for the disabled. Nobody advocates for their rights. Nobody puts the police in jail for discrimination against people with disabilities.

Sure shows the state and quality of our armed forces and security personnel…

Winter sparring

This is from my YouTube channel. I must admit, getting punched in the face by gloves is not fun.

I miss the days from before I was on medication when I used to be able to take a punch. It’s like Moon Lee Tae Kwon Do made me tougher. It made me tougher while I was willing to participate in that activity. Now, I’m too fat and weak to bother to push myself.

It’s ok. Now I can listen to nice instrumental music on YouTube, such as Timelapse OST, crockett’s theme, clubbed to death, or instrumentals of popular songs.

Definitely beats the loneliness and isolation of being mentally ill. I feel sorry for my parents having to raise me through the times when I was psychotic. From 2006 to 2012 I was psychotic, and I only got better when I had shock therapy. I’m surprised the kiddies mental health didn’t give me shock therapy, but only kept me in the mental hospital for 10 weeks. Waste of taxpayer dollars.

2 days before my depot is due

It’s not nice to be on medication that has significant side effects, such as weight gain.

Most schizophrenics are given newer anti-psychotics, because the older anti-psychotics cause the body to shake and spasm.

I remember when I was on olanzapine as well as Invega, I would shake every 10 seconds. I remember knocking over the coffee cup with coffee in it all over the computer due to a shake. So it is better not to take more than 1 anti-psychotic.

Things are more stable now, as I occupy my time in limited ways. I go to psycho-social rehabilitation every so often, I see my support worker on a Tuesday, I go to art therapy every 2nd Monday, I go shopping with my parents nearly once a day, and the rest of the time I’m playing computer games. I also do stretching, mindfulness and qi gong. It helps me enjoy and improve myself.

I’ve kind of accepted that I will never be a priest, as I can’t drive a car, and no church will hire me. They sort of want somebody who will give a good turnover in profits. Most ministers only care about how big their congregations are. More people, more people giving donations, the earlier the minister can retire.

I am thankful I get a Centrelink pension, and that there are hospitals to go to if I need a break from society, or I get mentally unwell. I am thankful for my private health cover, so I can go to a quality hospital.

Diary entries 19/4/21 to 29/4/21

19/4/21

Today I did a lot of activities, such as going to supermarkets and walking beside the Brisbane river. So I did things today. I didn’t have the stamina to make it to social tennis.

I suppose since I am interacting with the community, it is my civic duty to keep my vaccinations up to date. So that means I should get the Covid vaccine. As I have forsaken Jesus, so Jesus won’t protect me. God help us.

20/4/21

Today I was with my support worker. He advised me to do more exercise to help me lose weight. Hope it helps me.

28/4/21

I got a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow. Maybe he won’t recommend an increase in meds. God bless fat pills.

29/4/21

Today was Dr Duke’s appointment. I managed to learn useful information from him.

I also took a bus to a school far away, where I could learn tae kwon do. Took me an hour and a half to get there in peak hour traffic. So much for learning martial arts.

Diary entries 7/4/21 to 16/4/21

These have been edited to avoid naming people or places, and to minimise personal or inappropriate content.

7/4/21

Life, at this point, is still a nightmare. My dad is taking me for my depot injection of anti-psychotic medication. I wish I could cope without medication, but I’m not strong enough.

11/4/21

It is nearly half way through autumn. It is noticeably cooler than summer. I really miss grandma. But I know she had to go, as she was getting more frail.

I sinned by not going to the funeral of my late grandma. But nobody, who I’ve observed, takes Jesus seriously. The fire, Gehenna, how could we not silence ourselves and turn towards Jesus! It’s silly not to fear God! It’s silly to sin!

I don’t believe in justification by faith alone, no matter how much my relative’s friends support it.

16/4/21

This was a silly day today. I laughed at my imagination out loud I must confess. I really am insane. The medication doesn’t seem to be working fully.

Some kid nearly stuffed the library toilet with paper. Luckily the flush was more powerful. Damn kids.

I’m currently reading the poetic works of Henry Lawson. He must of been related to a person I knew from high school.

God bless, brother

Shout out to all my homies in China, who with great humility do their jobs in life, and with toil successfully achieve their goals and ambitions in life.

I could never survive in China, unless my parents looked after me, due to my mental illness which causes deterioration in my psyche. When I first got sick and was at Brisbane State High School, I was psycho-retarded. It was a real tragedy. I couldn’t study, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, because the voices were relentlessly accusing me.

I certainly would not be able to get into Beijing University. And it would be a waste of money for my parents to send me there, as I’d never be able to get a job anywhere, due to my disability.

So shout out to all my friends on qq who are really successful and ambitious in life. Chase excellence, not women.

Shout out to mr human for his continued grace and kindness to me. You are a legend, brother! Play PUBG as much as you please!

A daggy letter

Really, commander? I suppose my life has its ups and downs. But to be continually bored, with some relief praying and doing gentle stretches, is much of a bummer.

I did push ups the other day on YouTube! It looks like I only did 10 of them, but I actually did 11.

I’m a bit upset that church members often discriminate against people with disabilities. That’s why I don’t take the time very much to go to churches nowadays.

I suppose, even if I did lose weight, I have got to know how to protect myself and learn to stand up for myself or disengage from a situation if it becomes too much for me. Even some of the leaders on training week 2005 were not so nice to me, just because I was weird. At least I didn’t harass girls back then.

Everywhere I go, there is bound to be a leader who will pick on me. And they never apologize for it, either! If only they knew the punishments they’d receive in hell, they’d run to me for confession! Because I’m a Godly man and a Saint, I have endured the abuse of thousands of people, and I never resist them!

I wish I received more praise for my holiness. Oh well, maybe it is better to acquire even more humility. Less praise means the cutting off of vainglory.

I think I’m androgynous

When is a man not a man? When he is pumped so full of anti-psychotics that he produces more oestrogen than testosterone. It’s a wonderful feeling! I recommend it!

Just kidding. It helps with celibacy, if that’s what you are going for. I hope to abstain from marriage for as long as I live, unless I become a priest or other full-time worker. Or my mental illness is cured.

Redpill Chris on YouTube said the reason why I like an older woman. It is because I’m not manly and want a mum. Only Chads want beautiful young women. I’m not a chad. I’m a soyboy and a simp. I’m also a coomer.

So yeah, I’m not manly. I guess it helps with celibacy as well, as I don’t have the confidence to ask out women. So I die alone, like Saul first king of Israel.

God bless the other soyboys out there!

Cancelled my plan

I chose to cancel my paid website, as I wasn’t generating any money on advertising.

Nobody really cared about my blog much anyway, and I never had nothing much to say.

Humility? If I am humble, people look at me as though I’m really sick. My friends ignore the fact I’m humble, and question whether I see things as they really are.

I will take my message of humility elsewhere. From the lake of fire, you will all remember my words ‘as Satan was bound and cast out of heaven due to his pride, so to of entered paradise, YOU SHOULD OF HAD HUMILITY.’

Humility is not self-deprecation. It’s not what the priests of the Orthodox church in my city have. It means where you endure every dishonour from others and from illness as coming from the hand of God, to lead you to repentance.

As I said in my thoughts, Australia should stop stuffing up, but the majority of people, whether in the church or not, have blasphemed against the Holy Ghost. I am all alone, I fear for this generation once I get taken to heaven. Why do I still have to be here? LORD HAVE MERCY!