Concerning my videos

I don’t upload much because I have a low opinion of how I look. My self-image is not good.

I do have lowered self-esteem, because of some distant memory of how somebody treated me in the past, but it teaches me mercifulness and humility.

I am glad I have a few things to do. I’m also glad I have 2 working toilets for my 3 family members.

I feel only a little bit depressed. I am due to take my anti-depressants this morning.

God bless you all. This is my other musing. Or one of my musings.


Life is tough

Life does teach me humility. Like many places around the world, the quality of the General Practices and the Psychiatrists in Brisbane is really low. But those people teach me humility.

I have severe social anxiety when I am fully psychotic. I just hear voices all my waking moments. But fortunately, with medication compliance, I do not feel symptoms much anymore.

But I’ve run out of ideas for what to write on this blog. God bless you all.


For me at least, being on medication is not that bad. I’m on 150mg Invega Sustenna depot injection and 200mg Desvenlafaxine. Invega Sustenna is an anti-psychotic and Desvenlafaxine is an anti-depressnant.

I don’t have many side effects. My Invega has made my big toe stand up on both feet while walking, so I have holes in both shoes where the big toes stand up. But it is more evident in the left foot. My Desvenlafaxine cures my hypersexuality associated with the bipolar element of my schizoaffective disorder.

So, I can’t think really of many side effects that bother me. Of course, I’d rather be on the tablet form of the depot, but the quality of psychiatrists in Brisbane (my city) is not really good. So I just bear their snide remarks with humility.

I hope nobody has to take the medications I’m on. You should only take it if you are suicidal, and mindfulness and meditation doesn’t help. That’s my opinion.

God bless you!


On mindfulness

Actually I didn’t have a lot to put into this post. I looked at a video by Eckhart Tolle, one of the spiritual gurus of today. He had some advice on how to reduce emotional problems.

When you experience depression or anxiety, just focus on a point in your body, like the chest or the hands. Alternatively, you can go into your garden, and focus on a plant, or tree.

While it may not sound like much, it is meant to take our mind off our problems and focus the mind on something else.

I rely on overmedicating, but that is because I have schizophrenia, and there is no cure for it.

I have not personally met Eckhart Tolle, so I don’t have his advice on my disorder.

Hope this helps!

My destructive blog

Sometimes I have good days. Usually I have bad days. I know this doesn’t sound like much, but it does impact the way I write on my blog.

Sometimes I’m magnanimous, sometimes I’m vainglorious. I really should be trying to keep myself to myself. I do so, especially when I am out. I feel particularly unsafe on public transport. I’m sure the drivers feel that way, too.

I have not much to say on humility. Nearly all people can not implement the writings of the desert fathers onto their lives. Most people do not want to be Saints. Those that do, do not know how to be, nor can they be.

To be a Saint just involves being kind and courteous in all situations, including the ones where we are tired or stretched beyond our limit. That’s why I can not put in too many hours at my psycho-social rehabilitation facility, as the mentally ill people there often grind my gears.

If you want to give up in life, have some humility and seek treatment from the mental health system. This is not the initial piece of advice I’d give, but it is only used when the person is so severely ill that nothing can get him or her out of that depressive cycle.

I really hope the suicide rate in all countries goes down. Through the prayers of the blessed virgin, Amen.

Actually, my sore throat wasn’t so bad

My sore throat only lasted from Sunday 22/01/23 to Monday 23/01/23. Apparently my last bout with sickness was about 4 months ago. I guess I get sick 3 times a year.

Well, God is merciful. He only works with what I’ve got. I haven’t healed my body, much less my mind, which is constantly suffering from psychosis, which is masked by my medication.

I suffer from schizoaffective disorder and autism, for those of you new to my channel. Schizoaffective disorder basically means half bipolar half schizophrenia. Autism sort of means socially retarded and awkward.

I don’t act all socially retarded now, as my experiences in life have had a limited humbling effect on me.

My paypal is:

if anybody wants to support me.

I really hope nobody takes offense at this blog

This is my recent mild contribution to the internet.

I try to do some qi gong, hoping it would be inspiration to friends on my social media accounts.

I try to have positive self-esteem. But I get hypersensitive when I am scolded or criticised harshly.

I am still a little hollow on the inside, even though I take many vitamins.

It is about 12am midnight. I have insomnia, even though I’ve taken extra meds.

Goodnight all.

My spirituality

I probably will try not to waste anybody’s time, most importantly not my own. It means I will be patient, but not idle the time away. As many people can do a lot better than me in reality, especially vocationally, I will try not to inconvenience anybody.

My spirituality is humility. I choose to accept insults, rather than get angry with them. Why stand up to them? I am weak and frail.

I try to accept the memories that have plagued my mind everyday. I did a bit of introspection today. I was such a socially maladjusted person when I was young. That’s why I needed a lot of medication.

I tried to be tough when I’m actually not. I tried to be brave. I tried to get people to convert to Christianity, with no success. Now I’m a used up old man. God, have mercy on me.

A humble narcissism?

This icon is either of Jesus without His traditional cross surrounding His head, or some other Saint, prostrate in humility before God. Perhaps it is Jesus saying ‘Please, Father, take this cup from me, but not as I will, but as You will.’

You are correct. Due to other posts on my blog, I am not humble. I sometimes lash out. Sometimes I have bad days. I’m not as enlightened as mindfulness gurus such as Sadguru and Eckhart Tolle.

But I try to admire my efforts. My friend said to me recently ‘I am going towards 40, and life has not turned out the way I wanted it to.’ I replied to him, ‘Just because you are single, doesn’t mean you are of no value. Think of your good deeds, how precious they are to God. Our life is more than the money in our bank account, or the beauty of our wives, but it is about how much good we did to others. This is what we will be evaluated on at the last day.’

I currently have a sore throat, so I am quite grumpy. I’m trying to cope with it. Because I believe, if we endure sickness in life, we will not be spiritually sick in the next.

Let us suffer whatever comes from God with all humility, so we can cry out at the judgement throne ‘Lord! have mercy!’

Today was a good Sunday

Today was a good Sunday. I thought I was going to get beaten by mum for not helping with the cooking, but mum reassured me and took me out to sushi. The sushi was nice! I paid for the sushi. Wasn’t too expensive.

I worry too much about life. I worry about what others may think of me. I can not get to sleep without anti-psychotics. It is a perilous cycle.

I wish I had achieved more in life. But I’m waiting for the end of the world. I am hoping I just get blown to oblivion by a nuclear bomb blast. But maybe God is merciful.

I’m waiting for the end. Or at least the end of my life. I’ve been consuming a lot of resources. And whatever for? Because I have to take meds which increase my appetite, which in turn increase the amount of money I spend on food.

Life is horrid.