Humility does help

We should not say that we have ‘problems’. In reality, all our problems are challenges. These help us grow into a better person, the person that God created you to be.

If we only knew how to crawl, what a pathetic person we’d be as we got older! We need to learn how to walk, to run, to do handstands, etc. So we need to walk with God, and eventually, to run for God in the spiritual race that God has called each Christian to do.

Come to God, crawl to God. Eventually you will learn how to walk with God. God will teach you how to pray, to pray before reading the bible, to give you strength for each day. When you walk with God, you have faith.

Hebrews 11:1: Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. So it means we rejoice in the promise of eternal life.

As Christians, we should all have hope that when we die, we’ll be with Jesus. God is not evil. God wants to give us the kingdom. So do not despair. All is not lost.

We may go through tough times, but God strengthens us for the coming challenges, especially with regard to world events. God saw most of us through the pandemic and lockdowns. God may prepare us for even more trials. But when we have endured, we shall receive the crown of life that God has promised to those that love Him.

Let us be strong, let us have faith. Let us repent, before the gate of mercy closes.

Can I go into the ring?

Ding, ding, ding! Can Mr Keai do it? Yes he can!

Actually, I’m not too sure about that, in my humble opinion.

I certainly wish these sparring videos would have more views.

But, according to a commenter on YouTube, I’d be better at wrestling or sumo than at kicks.

Sure miss the days when I was thin…

Lord, have mercy!

As the world gets more anxious and angry, the only antidote is humility and hope in God’s mercy.

The world cries out for something to fill its emptiness, and sometimes, the Lord Jesus Christ will not fill that void, until the sinner cries even more ‘Lord Jesus Christ, Son of David, have mercy on me!’ as the blind man did in one of the gospels.

Although the blind man used ‘Son of David’, the blind man really meant ‘Son of God.’ So likewise, the Orthodox Christian cries out incessantly, ‘Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner!’

Jesus sometimes doesn’t come, so the penitent may learn persistence, devotion, and cry out all the more. But when Jesus does come, the fragrance that arises is peace, joy and love.

Many of the ascetics of the Orthodox Church regularly cried out this prayer to Jesus, until their spiritual blindness was removed, and they could see the Lord Jesus Christ clearly.

If we are too weak to cry out incessantly, we must embrace humility, as humility is the mother of all virtue, and pride the father of all vice. When we have humility, we sort of have acceptance of our situation, which may or not change, due to our previous sins in Christ.

The world may never change, but I hope somebody reading this blog may be encouraged to ask Jesus Christ to have mercy on them.

Schizophrenics have it very tough

I have often heard narcissistic people tell me ‘get over it,’ or ‘pull your socks up,’ when they just don’t understand mental illness. Firstly, schizophrenia (and schizoaffective disorder, too) are CHRONIC and SEVERE mental illnesses. Schizophrenics just can’t ‘snap out of it.’ The brain is sick, and what doesn’t help is social rejection by half-wits in the community and at churches. It doesn’t help that we’ll most likely die alone, without ever having a relationship.

People without mental illnesses generally suffer heightened narcissism, a lack of empathy, a lack of humility and a lack of understanding about what schizophrenics go through on a daily basis. Not only that, but the mental health system is like the police service, they don’t do a good job.

2 things you can do to relieve a schizophrenic; DON’T FORCE MEDICATION DOWN THEIR THROATS. That is biological rape. And also, don’t spit in their faces, because if you had their condition, you’d be dead already in the grave from suicide. SO SHUT UP AND STOP BLAMING US FOR OUR CONDITION!!!!!!

Diffusing anger

To diffuse my own anger in my heart, I tend to just sit with it, shout at the walls if I need to, until I come out of that thought spiral. To help with coming out of that thought spiral, I think about the things I’ve done that were praiseworthy, or the nice things others have said to me.

The Gregory Decapolite YouTube channel recommends the immediate application of the Jesus Prayer to diffuse anger in a particular situation. While it is not the thing I’d prefer to do, it works for some particularly religious Orthodox Christians.

I just ground myself in my own virtue of humility, or at least, not responding immediately to the hurtful thing that my adversary has said to me. But there is more trolling on social media than in the real world, I can diffuse the anger directed at me on social media more easily than I can ignore an insult in real life. The insults and on occasion, threats of violence; are far more hurtful than anything social media can produce.

When I’m insulted on YouTube, I just ignore it, bless the aggressor, thank them for the comment, then move onto something else. I don’t get into fights, either online or in real.

It is a very angry world out there, caused by heightened anxiety over the pandemic and the supposed coming of the end of the world. I personally don’t anticipate the end of the world unless I’m suffering particularly bad mental illness, but I understand lots of people, Christian and non-Christian, expect the end to come within the next millennia.

But God bless the world. Whatever happens, it is His permitted will. God would not allow it unless it were educative or instructive. God allows all bad things to happen to teach people humility. As Satan was bound and cast out from heaven due to his pride, so to re-enter paradise, we must have humility. What is the brief breath of our life, compared to the ocean of eternity? Let us repent now, before the gate of mercy closes.

I pray for peace

The pandemic has caused many to die from infection. But these things have happened before. I believe there was a Spanish flu ravaging the country in the early 20th century, correct me if I’m wrong.

I was reading today in one of the gospels that there will be ‘pestilences’ as a sign before the coming of the son of man. What He meant is that plagues, such as covid, will happen before the son of God comes in His glory with the angels.

Medicine has advanced so much. But my grandma said ‘we had typhoid and cholera back in China, why are we so scared of a simple flu?’ My grandma grew up in China, before being kicked out by the communists. To answer her question, I just say, society has gotten a lot weaker since the beginning of the communist era in China. Some of our great grandparents and grandparents fought in world wars and survived the great depression, while we are trying the kill ourselves just because ‘life doesn’t go our way.’

I must admit, I am much weaker than other people of the past. I’m weaker than my parents and many of my own generation. I sit at home, vegetating on a pension! And I’m only 32 years old!

I tried to be a cadet in 2005, but it broke me, and gave me mental illness! I just don’t have the strength to live my life, no matter what!

Even holidays would do me no good, as I would worry that I am not worthy of the holiday, as I get a permanent holiday anyway through not working.

I worry about money. Because in Proverbs, Solomon says ‘money maketh wings, and flyeth away.’ So I don’t have either the capacity to make my own money, nor enough money to live on. If I wasn’t living with my parents, I’d be in a very bad state.

A dream about hell

Last night, I had a dream about what hell is like. In the dream, it depicted hell as falling down a hole, getting bones crushed as the souls hit rocks on the way down, and at the bottom was lava, and the souls there would cry out to God ‘Lord, have mercy!’ and when they did, they’d be taken back to the top of the hole, only to fall down it again and again unto infinitum.

I think I had other dreams during the night too, but this is the one I remember. Hell was not dark, it was bright, just getting bones crushed and skin set on fire. Maybe the real hell is a lot worse, according to Orthodox literature.

I probably had this dream because, as much as I think myself righteous, I really am not, so I set my eternity ablaze with torment for myself. Oh well, I don’t think there is anything I can do.

I think, even if I spent several eternities in hell, my repentance would not be sincere. I think a lot of souls would still blame God for the trials they had in life and in hell, and if they were let out, they’d be like demons, rather than repentant souls.

My previous life of Tae Kwon Do

This is one of the least viewed videos on my YouTube channel.

This is what remains after a long absence from proper Tae kwon do classes.

I did my white belt and 2 yellow belt gradings before I was put on medication. Only after blue belt do they have sparring gradings in my previous Tae kwon do facility.

I did only one grading with sparring before I quit, because I got kicked to the ground, making me lose all my points on sparring. The instructors usually judge fairly harshly and critically. It is not catered for people with disabilities.

I wouldn’t recommend Moon Lee Tae kwon do for anybody except if you have toughness, or looking for something to add to your military or police career. Martial arts are not for everybody.

It’s recommended you have a job before doing the classes. If you can’t work a job and survive on a disability pension for mental illness, what kind of mental toughness do you have? If you try to act tough, the police will beat you up.

The police usually pick on the homeless or mentally ill person, and nobody stands up for the disabled. Nobody advocates for their rights. Nobody puts the police in jail for discrimination against people with disabilities.

Sure shows the state and quality of our armed forces and security personnel…

My monologue with myself on YouTube

I am still very overweight. When I weighed myself this morning, before I ate or drank anything, I weighed 117.8kg without shoes on. I go up to about 119kg on a full stomach. I know this because my parents bought bathroom scales to weigh cats. One of my parents stands on the scales, takes their weight, then the same parent stands on the scales holding the cat, then deduct the first weight from the second to work out the weight of the cat.

I weigh more than either of my parents.

This video is about me rambling on talking to myself, as if anybody cared. I’m glad I have a few friends who are interested in my blog and YouTube channel. But I will never become a professional blogger or YouTuber. I thank all those who watch my blog or YouTube channel.

Winter sparring

This is from my YouTube channel. I must admit, getting punched in the face by gloves is not fun.

I miss the days from before I was on medication when I used to be able to take a punch. It’s like Moon Lee Tae Kwon Do made me tougher. It made me tougher while I was willing to participate in that activity. Now, I’m too fat and weak to bother to push myself.

It’s ok. Now I can listen to nice instrumental music on YouTube, such as Timelapse OST, crockett’s theme, clubbed to death, or instrumentals of popular songs.

Definitely beats the loneliness and isolation of being mentally ill. I feel sorry for my parents having to raise me through the times when I was psychotic. From 2006 to 2012 I was psychotic, and I only got better when I had shock therapy. I’m surprised the kiddies mental health didn’t give me shock therapy, but only kept me in the mental hospital for 10 weeks. Waste of taxpayer dollars.