Using the law of attraction

Well, I did some exercise to make myself feel better. It was gentle stretching and tai chi, with some push ups. It reminded me a lot of how I was abused frequently in martial arts classes. Those instructors had a lot of negative energy.

So when I tried to do a mindfulness meditation afterwards, I was thinking back to the trauma in my life and shouting at the walls, when I was supposed to be meditating! But I will go back and try again later tonight.

I shout at the walls, because that is a symptom of my psychosis. I relive the trauma of what happened in the past. Yes, I know I can’t change the past, and I know I have to forgive, but even though I’ve forgiven, the memories still traumatize me.

I do believe in the law of attraction, because I’m not a very faithful Christian. I believe that our thoughts influence our reality.

I do try to be especially nice to others, as I believe it will give my soul relief in the eternal fire.

I can not fathom the reality of hell, or its eternity. How the pain lasts forever.

Jesus said ‘forgive, and you shall be forgiven.’ So I am using law of attraction and mindfulness meditations to remind myself to always forgive.

With memories floating through my mind, forgiveness is not a one-time event, but a continual process. At other days, I’ll be better at forgiving. Other times, worse. But nonetheless, I must continue fighting to save my soul.

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