I do not think that the reason most of the women rejected me was because I was ugly or fat. I think it was because I am schizophrenic. Most women associate violence with schizophrenia.
Yes, it is true, unless I’m fully medicated, I can be out of control. But on this last day before my depot, I’m happy to be single. Relationships are too stressful.
This is the point where my brain is actually producing enough happiness hormones for me to be happy.
I do have erotic hallucinations. I imagine women are looking at me in the shopping mall. I hallucinated that a woman said hello to me, when she actually didn’t.
I am shy, but I feel ok today. I’m not as depressed as other days.
It’s a nice feeling on the evening before the day I get my 70th depot, almost.
I have been given a lot of depots over the years. I support it when I am feeling depressed, so I know that even if I don’t want to take medication, I am given it without my consent. So that I never get to how bad I was either in 2012 or 2017, during my psychotic episodes.
Hope my blog post isn’t too boring.