I feel better today. I had a nice time at English conversation group today. I felt like my life had purpose.
It is 6 days until my 150mg depot injection. 150mg is the max dose of paliperidone that the psychiatrist is allowed to give me. I am coping on this dose of medication. But I feel I could cope on 100mg of paliperidone.
Of course, the amount of active ingredient is not much, but it still is a strong psychotropic drug. It heals those afflicted with mental insanity, with unpleasant side effects. But the side effects of my medication is not too bad.
Sometimes, I know I couldn’t cope with life without medication. I had schizophrenic symptoms since at least grade 5, at the turn of the millennium. I had a bad feeling back then about the 3rd millennium.
Maybe I was just cursed because of my violent behaviour as a small child. Maybe God sent me schizophrenia to teach me humility. Life certainly does teach me humility! I’ve got nothing left but to answer insult with blessing! Life is a struggle and a nightmare, in some cases.
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