5 days after my depot

I wish the world could heal. When I heard that the Buddhist remedy for sexual immorality was strong meditation and good thoughts, I did meditation for 30 minutes lying down. I saw how many negative thoughts I had! All of my thoughts were negative! None of them were about the joys of life or of heaven!

If I can’t heal myself, when I teach others, I’m making them as sick as I am. So that’s why I try to teach wholesome values, rather than what actually afflicts me. Do as I say, not as I do.

I can’t imagine how many nightmares people in the workforce have to go through. I am such a sinner, my pride is so high, that I feel I am above working! Sure, I can not stand up for long, but I still have youth. Surely I could find a purpose. Even volunteering at an op shop would be better than my current lifestyle.

I go mainly to the library to read books. I choose not to take them home, as my drink bottle would make the library books wet in my bag. So I just go to the library everyday to read books. Fortunately, they are religious books, so they always remain on the shelves. Nobody wants to take them out and borrow them. Lucky me.

I suppose, at least I walked around the shopping mall today. At least I meditated, even though I did it poorly, as usual. At least I did 5 minutes of Qi Gong. At least I took an extra tablet of medication, to give me additional control over the bipolar aspect of my schizoaffective disorder. Life sort of, is good.

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