I must admit, I admire the mini celebrity Hamza. He did a public apology to a fellow YouTuber named Sneako. He was talking about humility. I was impressed by his advocation of the virtue of humility.
I must admit, as much as I like to think I’m humble, I am actually not humble. I don’t do much with my life. If I was humble, I’d be involved in my community a lot more.
Being humble is a struggle. It was easier to do it in group chat because the praise of others would fuel my desire to accept being insulted. Usually, when somebody abuses me in real, there is nobody to defend me, so only God sees my humility. But I don’t see God.
I wish I did live for God, but it is not true, I don’t live for God. I live for self. I wish I could repent, but I am not motivated to put in the effort to repent. Maybe if reincarnation is true, better luck next life. But something in me testifies to the permanence of hell in the next life.