6 days before my next depot

Alaska Mountains by NASA Goddard Photo and Video is licensed under CC-BY 2.0

I look at this image, and realise that the world is beautiful. Since 2017, I’ve had about 65 depot injections of Invega Sustenna over a period of 5 years. So it is roughly 13 injections a year, 1 every 28 days. I am getting used to the pain. I am grateful the depot keeps me stable, more than the tablets do.

Even though I feel cold, tired, and lonely, I still realise life could be a lot worse. Without the intervention of the mental health team in 2017, I could be dead by suicide by now. I’ve required medication for over 16 years now, but since 2017 I’ve been consistently taking it. 2017 was my worst psychosis, so I really put effort into taking pills and injections.

I really recommend that nobody take the stuff I take, unless they are suicidal and there is no way out. Because without my injections, I’d be suicidal too. I have a long way to go, but I have improved a lot, too.

I hope one day to not require injections, maybe swap injections for tablets. I even more pray that by the time I’m 50 I may not require medication anymore at all! I’m 32 now, and my friends have been praying that one day I may not need medication. I thank them for their prayers.

But the future is unwritten. There is a lot of uncertainty in the world. I can’t even begin to think about navigating the aerial toll houses on my passage from earth to heaven. My sins will cast me into hell. But I have given a few alms, I have asked the prayers of Saints, I am still a member of the Greek Orthodox Churches of Brisbane. There is still much hope yet….

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