Back to the past

The best times in my life were the periods of happiness, joy and bliss I’d get before my next breakdown. The time preceding the breakdown was most likely a period of mania, as my disorder is schizoaffective disorder, which has a bipolar element to it.

This remix takes me back to late 2016 early 2017 period before my most severe breakdown in winter 2017. I wasn’t even off my meds. I was taking a moderate dose of medication. Even that wasn’t enough for me. I was taking 6mg paliperidone. The max legal dose a psychiatrist can prescribe is 12mg. So it wasn’t a low dose. Yet I had a severe breakdown in 2017.

But before that, I was listening to K-pop, as in the female artists. Their music and melodies were enchanting. They made me feel like I was actually desired by the female gender.

Alas, hit winter 2017, snap back to reality! But the manic period on 6mg paliperidone was fun while it lasted.

I was often going out with my female friend to the Gold Coast. I would take the Train there to see her at a local shopping mall. I was listening a lot to K-pop by various artists: Girls Generation, Jewelry, 2ne1, etc. Life seemed good while I was manic.

But I really regret trying to make friends with females, as I could not be a good boyfriend. I never really worked. I was always bludging off the government welfare system. Now, I’m trying to overcome my sins and work on acquiring humility.

God bless you all.


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