Sigh. When I was young and manic, before I got forced on medication, when I was an altar boy at an Anglican church in 2005, I wanted to be a pastor or priest. But now I get nothing out of worship! All I do at the Greek orthodox church is just judge my neighbour, and remember with scorn the insults of the Greeks against me.
I don’t think I’ve ever been truly tough. I may of done martial arts and cadets, but it was a false courage, a false toughness. Now nobody recognizes me as a candidate for the priesthood.
It’s pathetic, but I wouldn’t enjoy preaching from a pulpit anyway. Most people in churches don’t listen to the messages of their pastors, and don’t apply it to their lives. What a waste of time church must be!
Why do people go to church in the first place? I suppose they’d be homicidal maniacs like the communists if they were given state sanction to do so. So I don’t trust churches.
Life sucks for me, even though I have a few good deeds.