Today is Sunday, otherwise known as church day. I probably won’t go to church, even though I got up early enough in the morning.
The buddha said ‘if you can’t help anyone, at least don’t hurt anyone.’ I might as well later on go and pick up rubbish and put it in the bin. I feel like a thoroughly useless individual.
I possibly have vulnerable narcissism, which means I bottle up a lot of hatred and am hypersensitive to criticism. As I advocate humility, I probably myself am not fully humble. I feel like a tortured soul.
Humility doesn’t come easily for me. As I didn’t join the Orthodox church from a young age, I had no spiritual director to direct me in the ways of humility.
I think, as much as I tell otherwise, that the Orthodox have a lot of humility. It takes a lot of humility to work a 9 to 5. I don’t even put in the effort to find work, so I am a slothful, sinful individual.
But I suppose nobody wants a schizophrenic working for them. That further makes me wish I were humble.
Humility is the patient acceptance of all the unfavourable situations in life, with thanksgiving to God, as God is trying to resurrect our soul from the dead. Maybe that is the best I can say on humility.