Chemical lobotomies

If I didn’t take my medication, I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep at night.

2017 was a taxing year during the winter, when I had my worst psychosis. I believed I was going to jail, I believed people were following me, due to me hearing voices coming from nearby houses. I heard things like ‘he’s weird’ or ‘he’s acting really weird.’ They would usually accuse me, so I would often confess to others that I was a Christian terrorist, and then ask ‘what else do you want me to confess?’ like everything was a court tribunal.

I often asked my mom ‘what are you not telling me?’ due to my paranoia. I was waiting for the end. I prayed in the mental hospital ‘Lord, do not let me live to see the end.’ I felt like I was going to be killed by gangsters, who would kill everybody dear to me. I imagined there were gangsters in one of the hospitals I was in, who were on a mission to kill me.

But all these delusions stopped once I had the 3 rounds of shock therapy. I felt much better after that. But I have experienced a profound lack of respect from others inside the churches, whether Protestant or Orthodox. That’s why I don’t go to protestant churches anymore. They use a heat scanner on me to check for infection, but they don’t scan anybody else in the congregation.

Yeah. I think a lot of people need fixing up by the police services, even correcting them in the congregation. Pity the jails are full. Society is entitled to rejecting whoever it wants. Society, and particularly churches, are not inclusive.

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