Ortho-prelesti

I think I’ve seen that word somewhere before, on an Orthodox site that was written in English. It was English translations of Russian documents, allegedly written by high-profile members of the Orthodox Church. Some were called Saints. Others were called bishops.

Ortho-prelesti I think means ‘Orthodox spiritual delusion.’ I think it just meant what Orthodox need to avoid in their interactions with the world. God bless them.

I am baptised in a Greek Orthodox church, but I am not a communicating member. Communicating in this context means a person who receives Holy Communion. I went to the local Greek church today. The voices in my head kept me entertained, even though I looked rather insane to people at the church.

I do not have many clips where I do sparring. I have eased up on the sparring recently. I’d rather just let the other person beat me up, rather than have it on my conscience. I did many evil things as a child, that need atonement. I’m waiting for God to punish me. Punish me oh God, in this life, and not in the next!

I look up philosophy videos and law of attraction videos on YouTube. I did not speak to my godfather at the church today. I try to watch something light on YouTube rather than the fire and brimstone rhetoric of the Orthodox church.

2 days after depot

I feel 50% better since yesterday’s sore throat. I partly attribute this to the amount of vaccines I’ve received. I’ve had my yearly flu shot, and I’ve been triple vaxxed against Covid.

I am now taking 3mg paliperidone tablets on top of my 150mg Invega Sustenna Depot injection. This is so that I can better control mania associated with my schizoaffective disorder, so I am not yelling to myself too much nor annoying women in my life too much.

I specially asked the GP for extra tablets. These tablets had already been recommended by my psychiatrist a year ago.

I feel I should get used to a lot of medications, so I learn to deal with increased appetite associated with heavy medicating. That is what the government will do to me if I end up in mental health jail.

Sick after the depot

This is the first day after my depot. I woke up with a sore throat. I slept a lot during the day. Now I’m awake at night.

Guess this is God’s punishment for me not forgiving others no matter what they do. I still am a secular humanist in deed and word.

I really wish I could repent and truly be merciful, to help me get through the 20th aerial toll-house. It is the toll house of unmercifulness. I must be more merciful to everybody, including people who have been disrespectful to me.

God bless all of you.

God bless this world

I feel some relief, knowing I will ask for more medications for my schizoaffective disorder. I wasn’t feeling too good in the morning, and I wanted to rant and rave as I walked up the road to get fish and chips.

I suppose, God has given us the fruit of the ground, the plants of the earth, to carve remedies for various ailments. So I should make use of the benefits of anti-psychotics, particularly when I’m not humble enough to control myself.

I go to the depot in an hour, and will ask the doctor for more meds. God bless this world.

Forgive me, oh God

I have sins which I can’t mention on this blog. Sometimes I want to slit my wrists because I don’t want to deal with this addiction anymore.

I am a vcel. It means voluntary celibate. But I struggle to be pure. I really wish the Lord would save me. But only the abyss answers my prayers.

Thank you all the readers who read my blog. I will go for my depot tomorrow, and will try to ask for more medication. I will try to starve myself, so I don’t gain too much weight.

God bless all of you.

Big Farm

This is the app I downloaded when installing Windows 11 erased my data of Farm Dream. I’m glad there are heaps of apps out there. Such is the majesty of the creativity of the internet. Such is the creativity of humanity.

Disabilities

The feels. Most of the time, I hurt in the feels.

I struggle to make new friends, because I receive social rejection once people find out I’m a schizophrenic on a pension.

So, life is boring. It’s 2 days away from my mandatory government injection of anti-psychotic medication.

Pretty dismal…

Oh well…

Lame Sparring

One of the people online said that my sparring is more like dancing. I know I could make all kinds of criticisms about my fighting style. I am not good at fighting, due to the severity of my disability. I can not compete with other young men.

I haven’t sparred with my friend for at least 6 months. I did more sparring when I felt more confident. Now I’m just a shadow of my former self. I have gained more weight. When I stepped on the scales today, I weighed 122kg. So my weight isn’t going anywhere.

I went to social tennis today. I feel happier playing social tennis than doing sparring with my buddy. I’m not good at tennis, either. I am slow on the court.

That’s my life.

I’m perfect

This statement depends on your definition of ‘perfect.’

I falsely said to a person online ‘Out of everybody I’ve ever met I’m the most perfect.’ Let me put that in context.

I’m not perfect like mother theresa, I’m actually a perfect functional vegetable. I am doing very very well for my level of impairment.

To put it even into more context, it’s not difficult to be more perfect than most people when most people are freckin’ idiots! haha, try to take it as a joke, don’t be sensitive.

Laughing Man in a Gorget by Jan Georg (Joris) van Vliet is licensed under CC-CC0 1.0

No context to image. Have a laugh, like the picture.

Be yourself

Don’t just think, be.

Just kidding. I don’t know what I’m talking about.

But I learnt from the buddha today, to be free from anger, you have to drop expectations. You shouldn’t expect people to act the way you want them to. The way I applied this is, I don’t expect to be in a relationship. I don’t expect people to always respect me. I don’t expect myself to amount to much in life. It’s ok!

I also learnt, that the way to be most attractive, is to be your authentic self, as in, be yourself, regardless if you remain forever alone because of it. Say you want a relationship, but act as you don’t need one. God bless.

Hope this helps, my fellow bloggers.